To have unfriended this person?

[unfriender]

I was friends on social media with someone I knew reasonably well when our DC were younger. Now they are grown up, I've not seen her for years but we would interact occasionally on SM. I always thought she was a nice person.

A couple of weeks ago, she posted that her elderly mother had died. I offered my condolences which she thanked me for. The funeral isn't for a couple more weeks and she posted the other day that she was abroad on holiday. What triggered me was that she chose to post a photo of her, her DH & DC drinking in a bar, clearly having a fun time. It seemed crass & inappropriate to me so soon after the loss so I unfriended her on the spot.

For context, I lost my own mother a few years ago, I was devastated and still am. I wouldn't have dreamt of going off abroad so soon after her death, before we'd even had the funeral, leaving my siblings to grieve without me and sort everything out.

I mentioned it to my sister (who is also friends with her) expecting her to feel the same as me but she just shrugged and said each to their own. She says she doesn't want to unfriend her as she likes reading her posts and seeing how the DC are getting on now they're older (so did I tbh).

While I stand by how I feel about her actions, I'm left wondering if I overreacted? Would others have done the same?

Not you making someone else's mother's death about you and your feelings.

Love that for you the most. You've done her a favour by unfriending her, no one needs friends like you who make every fucking thing about themselves.

Wow um I lost someone in a way that has affected my life so very much to date and probably always will. What surprised me about the immediate days after was how much joy, fun and laughter we could still find amongst the sadness, disbelief, anger etc. .
I have a lifetime to grieve and I'm glad that we carried such a devastating thing as lightly as possible in those early days.
Good on them for still reaching for the good things in life.

However, you feel how you feel and if you feel your aquaintance isn't grieving in the right way so be it.

Wow, do you have any friends left as you're so judgemental. It's none of your business how she and her family grieve, for all you know her Mum could have loved holidays abroad and this is how they are chosing to remember her.

You very judgemental. Yabvvvu.

People grieve differently.

Depending on the relationship they had - it might actually be a relief that this person passed.

Sounds horrible , but abuse could be at play.

Do what you wish - but don’t expect people to give an iota.

The picture you saw is one second of their day. She could spend the rest of the day in tears for all you know but it's actually nothing to do with you.
Everyone deals with grief differently.
I'm sure her mum would have wanted her to still go on a prearranged holiday too.
Huge overreaction.

YABU.

I really hope she hasn't noticed. What an unbelievably shitty thing to do.

You’re obviously entitled to unfriend her, but I definitely don’t think the majority of people would agree with your perspective and you shouldn’t expect them to.

As others have said maybe she wasn’t as close with her mum as you were with yours, maybe she needed some time away with her family as a break etc. I’m not that close to my mum, yeah I’d be upset etc, byt honestly I wouldn’t stop doing normal things if she passed because we’ve just never been super close. My siblings would probably be a bit more upset than me as they have a slightly closer relationship with her as they live closer, but would completely understand if I wanted to take some family time after a death and would know they could reach out to me if needed. I definitely wouldn’t unfriend someone over a post like this if I otherwise liked seeing their posts and interacting with them.

Not everyone experiences the same feelings and situations as you do, you’ve got to remember that.

Completely agree with this, I can’t imagine being annoyed that someone grieved a different way to me.

We were due to go on a cruise just after my father in law died, we considered not going but, as we had made the arrangements for the funeral, there didn't seem any point in cancelling. Life goes on, I bet her Mum would have wanted her to go on holiday. Just because she is smiling in a photo doesn't mean she isn't grieving.

Wow. Maybe just maybe she was thinking about her family, a pre arranged holiday most likely. My mother died 2 days before my daughter’s 5th birthday. I insisted we still had the party.
i hope u don’t befriend her again. You are not the right kind of friend

Are you high?? Imagine judging someone for not sitting home weeping in their mourning clothes for a certain amount of time! Heaven forbid they are trying to keep a bit of normality for their kids during a crap time! You did her a favour I’d say

You are being ridiculous and about 12. Time to grow up OP.

Massive over-reaction on your part.

Why shouldn't she have a (very likely long-ago booked) holiday? You can still be sad and hurting, and manage to put a brave face on.
Perhaps she wasn't close to her mum, and there's a lot of baggage?

You've been incredibly judgemental, and rather cruel. If your ex-friend knew what you'd written here, she'd probably be very glad to have been unfriended.

Many years ago, it was considered respectful to have a mourning period in between the death and at least until the funeral. One wasn't supposed to go out to social events, holidays etc until the mourning period was over. This no longer seems to be a thing anymore for some and I suppose it's just a sign of the times that many no longer do this.

It’s a sign that people die and celebration of life is more important!

instead of the staged mourning, wearing black and faux wailing.

'It’s a sign that people die and celebration of life is more important!
instead of the staged mourning, wearing black and faux wailing.'

No one's talking about staged mourning, wearing black and faux wailing?
As an example, we had an official mourning period when the late queen died and this lasted until after her funeral. People used to follow a similar etiquette more closely - many faiths still do.
Each to their own....

It’s obviously triggered something in you and the fact you’re asking means you know you’ve overreacted.

you can’t really judge her on how you felt. You’re different people with different circumstances.

This has obviously brought back difficult memories for you, I get it, but don’t take it out on your friend.

I had no official mourning period when the Queen died, why would I?

And as I’ve said it’s not a sign of the times, that’s bullshit!

We didn't do official mourning when the queen died. We went to a waterpark in celebration of her life it being open rather than watch the funeral on the telly

You might have had a mourning period for the queen. I certainly didn't! And I didn't watch the funeral.

Nor did I.
Obviously it was sad for her family but it didn't affect me.
I never understood the old enforced mourning periods. Seems to have been a moneyspinner more than anything.

This has to be a joke surely? This person's life has absolutely nothing to do with you. If she wants to go on holiday with her family that's her business. What a strange reaction. IF this post is legitimate then you ABVU.

Very harsh stance to take and you were no 'real' friend to just drop her like that. They probably had that holiday booked months, if not a year ago in advance and perhaps had a conversation with the family saying they didn't want to go but everyone agreed they should, maybe even her mother told her they should still go if anything happened to her! Even if it didn't happen like that, who are you to judge? Just because you wouldn't have gone, doesn't mean EVERYONE else has to think like you. I certainly wouldn't want my children and grandchildren to miss out on anything because of my passing, I would want them to get on with their lives. We are only here for a very short time after all!!