Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Affair partner lied to me

281 replies

Midlifecrisis4 · 25/09/2024 20:16

Hi. First time posting but could really do with some advice. My affair partner of 4 years blatantly lied to me today about information that he shared with another colleague. It was to do with him asking her advice about a forthcoming (secret) interview for a job elsewhere. I said did you ask her for advice when he went to meet with her and he said no and that the meeting was about something else entirely. Devastated as whilst I know that we are being deceitful by the nature of having an affair, I thought that between us we were honest, best friends and confidantes at work. For context, he is a big flirt, has got close to this other colleague in recent months and she has become distant with me over the same timeframe. I have long suspected he is a convert narcissist due to many behaviours and do wonder if he has moved on. I’m very much in love with him and desire him sexually - the reason I’m still involved ! Just very upset and don’t know where to go from here.

OP posts:
Mapleunicorn · 25/09/2024 20:19

I’m going to assume you are fishing here, because if not you are about to get your arse handed to you

WingSlutz · 25/09/2024 20:20

I think you're about to be replaced by a newer model OP.
Good luck.

Ibloodylovetea · 25/09/2024 20:20

It does rather sound like he feels your affair has run it's course & has either moved or is moving on.

Createausername1970 · 25/09/2024 20:20

Are you saying you are both having an affair, so both have other partners?

If he is cheating on someone else to sleep with you, eventually you will be the one cheated on, whether that be emotionally or physically. You might have thought you have a special bond, but I very much doubt he thinks so. His partner probably thinks she (or he) has this special bond with him too.

TyneTeas · 25/09/2024 20:21

An Affair Partner lying is a feature not a bug

greenwoodentablelegs · 25/09/2024 20:21

Probably time to re examine your life choices

Mill3nnial · 25/09/2024 20:21

Well he lied to his wife too so not sure why you think you'd be any different. Sorry.

Couldyounot · 25/09/2024 20:21

Liar tells lies? Surely not!

dreamer24 · 25/09/2024 20:22

Devastated as whilst I know that we are being deceitful by the nature of having an affair, I thought that between us we were honest

This is where you went wrong. Anyone who's having an affair is capable of lying to you. End of discussion really.

MrsSkylerWhite · 25/09/2024 20:22

WTF is an affair partner?

SandrenaIsMyBloodType · 25/09/2024 20:23

That’s the thing about liars - they don’t tell the truth.

RedRidingGood · 25/09/2024 20:24

Guessing this is a troll

SmallestMan · 25/09/2024 20:24

Cheaters gonna cheat OP

TheFormidableMrsC · 25/09/2024 20:24

I suspect what you're doing to his wife is about to happen to you. Touché 🤷🏻‍♀️

Midlifecrisis4 · 25/09/2024 20:25

Yes when we met he had just started at our place at work having moved up on his own and was telling me his marriage was likely to end as had had affairs previously and they’d never got over it. He also told me he was asexual and him and his wife had no sexual contact at all and apparently haven’t done the whole time we’ve been together. Is this a load of crap do you think? I’m aware how naive I prob sound !!

OP posts:
EG94 · 25/09/2024 20:26

What goes around comes around. Prepare to get fucked. I hope it stings because it’s unlikely to hurt as much as it will his wife who has been being lied to for 4 years!!!

karma at its finest

MounjaroUser · 25/09/2024 20:26

Dump him before he dumps you, OP. You are going to be dumped very shortly in favour of that other woman. He has a very short attention span with women, doesn't he? He's moving on - keep what little self respect you have and recognise the signs. Don't wait for him to dump you - he will enjoy that and so will the new partner.

His poor wife.

Curtainsformeplease · 25/09/2024 20:26

Karma?

RomeoRivers · 25/09/2024 20:26

😂😂😂 zero sympathy!

Bobbie12345 · 25/09/2024 20:27

Karma is a bitch, huh?

coldcallerbaiter · 25/09/2024 20:27

Wow you reallly are a dummy.

Barbarella73 · 25/09/2024 20:27

Midlifecrisis4 · 25/09/2024 20:25

Yes when we met he had just started at our place at work having moved up on his own and was telling me his marriage was likely to end as had had affairs previously and they’d never got over it. He also told me he was asexual and him and his wife had no sexual contact at all and apparently haven’t done the whole time we’ve been together. Is this a load of crap do you think? I’m aware how naive I prob sound !!

He said he was asexual? 😂

GingerScallop · 25/09/2024 20:28

So a cheater is cheating on the cheater with another cheater? In your shoes, I would move on to a new affair. Don't you have any other married men in your work place or industry? Married clients?

Aquamarine1029 · 25/09/2024 20:28

Stupid is as stupid does, you'll lose him as you got him, etc, etc. So many adages, so little time.

It's just shocking that a cheater would lie, isn't it?

Midlifecrisis4 · 25/09/2024 20:28

Whilst my own marriage was on the rocks having been through life transitions - just returning to work full time and taking a higher level job etc. I got swept off my feet by him and would have prob walked away at that point to be with him had he been willing. Instead he moved his wife up, bought a house here and we continued the affair whilst apparently he lives in an asexual marriage

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread