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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Affair partner lied to me

281 replies

Midlifecrisis4 · 25/09/2024 20:16

Hi. First time posting but could really do with some advice. My affair partner of 4 years blatantly lied to me today about information that he shared with another colleague. It was to do with him asking her advice about a forthcoming (secret) interview for a job elsewhere. I said did you ask her for advice when he went to meet with her and he said no and that the meeting was about something else entirely. Devastated as whilst I know that we are being deceitful by the nature of having an affair, I thought that between us we were honest, best friends and confidantes at work. For context, he is a big flirt, has got close to this other colleague in recent months and she has become distant with me over the same timeframe. I have long suspected he is a convert narcissist due to many behaviours and do wonder if he has moved on. I’m very much in love with him and desire him sexually - the reason I’m still involved ! Just very upset and don’t know where to go from here.

OP posts:
Gowlett · 25/09/2024 20:52

Asexual, yet he’s banging you?

Missmarplesknittingbuddy · 25/09/2024 20:52

Midlifecrisis4 · 25/09/2024 20:25

Yes when we met he had just started at our place at work having moved up on his own and was telling me his marriage was likely to end as had had affairs previously and they’d never got over it. He also told me he was asexual and him and his wife had no sexual contact at all and apparently haven’t done the whole time we’ve been together. Is this a load of crap do you think? I’m aware how naive I prob sound !!

And you swallowed this! , are you a python???

Thisgroupneverceasestoamazeme · 25/09/2024 20:53

His wife probably assumed they were honest with each other too…

affairs happen, I get that and it’s not my place to judge but it’s foolish to assume any thing about his honesty or loyalty.

He's shown you who he is. Believe him.

oakleaffy · 25/09/2024 20:53

Portalsalways · 25/09/2024 20:50

For god sake. Behave yourself.

Your lying sack of shit affair partner lied to you? Of course he did.

Honestly, you can’t possibly really believe the ‘I thought I was healing him with bdsm’ crap.

He is a liar. You are not so amazingly wonderful/better/different to all the other women he has lied to. This is what you signed up to.

But... but..... He was UNDERSTOOD by OP. {sarcasm}

babyproblems · 25/09/2024 20:53

This cannot be a genuine post… surely no one NO ONE would post this on mumsnet. And surely no one in an affair is this naive/ignorant. I just don’t think this is real!!

Midlifecrisis4 · 25/09/2024 20:53

ShamblesRock · 25/09/2024 20:37

Is he called Paul and sells wine for a living?

No

OP posts:
Scirocco · 25/09/2024 20:54

Established liar in continuing to lie shocker.

Stop having an affair with this inadequate prat and move on with your life.

Babbadoobabbadock · 25/09/2024 20:54

And your dh op ????

tolerable · 25/09/2024 20:54

Starts with M and ends with UG.
Leopards/spots. All way to serves you right.Its really difficult to spare sympathy for the devil.
I get you dont need the pile on,kicked while down however. BOTH you been at this for 4 years, ! lies,deception,asexual my fat arse.Good your well versed in humiliation, bdsm,suppose hits like a brick when he steps it up to shitting on you.
What are you actual hoping for from posting?
Your self esteem doesnt negate yours nd his heartless actions and betrayl to hb/wife does it.liars lie.
whtta shitshow

Tangerinenets · 25/09/2024 20:55

Absolutely no sympathy. I despise women that sleep with married men, lowest of the low.

sausagedog45 · 25/09/2024 20:55

An affair partner lies and in other breaking news, water is wet.

Emptyheadlock · 25/09/2024 20:55

He gets off on humiliation, what, yours?

Wake up op.

I am cringing so much my arse hole is puckering.

Portalsalways · 25/09/2024 20:56

ShamblesRock · 25/09/2024 20:37

Is he called Paul and sells wine for a living?

😂😂😂

Midlifecrisis4 · 25/09/2024 20:56

I think this is spot on about suspecting an affair and judging me and also liking him ! He has put a lot of effort into winning her over. He also portrays me as if I’m obsessed over what he is doing at work to others

OP posts:
andfinallyhereweare · 25/09/2024 20:57

Midlifecrisis4 · 25/09/2024 20:53

No

@Midlifecrisis4 this is a quote from friends 😂 Paul the wine guy

Missmarplesknittingbuddy · 25/09/2024 20:57

Midlifecrisis4 · 25/09/2024 20:29

Yup. Has no desire for intercourse but does it to please me ? He is into bdsm

Maybe he also has a ( furry ) foot fetish ?.

HelpMeGetThrough · 25/09/2024 20:57

The vacancy you created has been filled.

He's gone for what he sees as "the better model".

Ellie56 · 25/09/2024 20:58

Midlifecrisis4 · 25/09/2024 20:39

I do have self esteem issues. He basically has me on string when he tells me if and when he is willing to talk to me or see me.

@@Midlifecrisis4 Why don't you just stop this shit in its tracks and dump the twat?

He's a cheat and a liar and has been for years. He won't change.

Midlifecrisis4 · 25/09/2024 20:58

Tahlbias · 25/09/2024 20:51

I hope you are having protected sex, if not, get yourself tested and some dignity!

We aren’t as he telling me he isn’t having sex with anyone else and neither am I. Naive ?? He also can’t maintain an erection for long so never uses condoms.

OP posts:
lazyarse123 · 25/09/2024 20:59

Why do so many women believe men who say they don't have sex with their wives? It's right up there with "she doesn't understand me".
You deserve everything you're going to get op 😂😂😂😂

oakleaffy · 25/09/2024 20:59

Midlifecrisis4 · 25/09/2024 20:30

Ha. He gets turned on through sexual play humiliation and pain like spanking etc

Sounds like just another married, lying cheat.
Like the repugnant murderer of Elaine O'Hara.

Happyher · 25/09/2024 20:59

Dump him before he dumps you

Giggorata · 25/09/2024 20:59

Like many silly women who have a sordid affair with a married man, you've managed to ignore the obvious and convince yourself it's some grand passion.

Now your eyes are beginning to open. He has always been a lying sack of shit.
Remember this pain.
It's nothing compared to what his wife will be feeling.

But use the pain to break away, acquire some morals and make a better life.

Anicecumberlandsausage · 25/09/2024 21:00

Just end it OP.. He's not worth your time or naivety.

HolyPeaches · 25/09/2024 21:02

Midlifecrisis4 · 25/09/2024 20:58

We aren’t as he telling me he isn’t having sex with anyone else and neither am I. Naive ?? He also can’t maintain an erection for long so never uses condoms.

Naive to the highest degree OP.

How old are you????

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