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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Affair partner lied to me

281 replies

Midlifecrisis4 · 25/09/2024 20:16

Hi. First time posting but could really do with some advice. My affair partner of 4 years blatantly lied to me today about information that he shared with another colleague. It was to do with him asking her advice about a forthcoming (secret) interview for a job elsewhere. I said did you ask her for advice when he went to meet with her and he said no and that the meeting was about something else entirely. Devastated as whilst I know that we are being deceitful by the nature of having an affair, I thought that between us we were honest, best friends and confidantes at work. For context, he is a big flirt, has got close to this other colleague in recent months and she has become distant with me over the same timeframe. I have long suspected he is a convert narcissist due to many behaviours and do wonder if he has moved on. I’m very much in love with him and desire him sexually - the reason I’m still involved ! Just very upset and don’t know where to go from here.

OP posts:
Apolloneuro · 25/09/2024 20:45

This thread is really funny!

Babbadoobabbadock · 25/09/2024 20:45

Utter crack pot nonsense

Midlifecrisis4 · 25/09/2024 20:46

Createausername1970 · 25/09/2024 20:20

Are you saying you are both having an affair, so both have other partners?

If he is cheating on someone else to sleep with you, eventually you will be the one cheated on, whether that be emotionally or physically. You might have thought you have a special bond, but I very much doubt he thinks so. His partner probably thinks she (or he) has this special bond with him too.

Edited

Yes I did think we were different and he was distant from his wife. Then often he will disappear off WhatsApp for a number of hours I will wonder if they are watching a film together or something cosy :-( he will then say he was working but always seems to be working!!

OP posts:
sweeneytoddsrazor · 25/09/2024 20:46

If you are not a troll I hope his wife dumps him, your husband dumps you, his new bit on the side dumps him , he dumps you and you both live a miserable loveless life until the end of your days

MorrisZapp · 25/09/2024 20:46

EG94 · 25/09/2024 20:26

What goes around comes around. Prepare to get fucked. I hope it stings because it’s unlikely to hurt as much as it will his wife who has been being lied to for 4 years!!!

karma at its finest

Karma would be the married one getting cheated on, unless of course you're a misogynist who thinks women should pay for men's sexual incontinence.

oakleaffy · 25/09/2024 20:46

TyneTeas · 25/09/2024 20:21

An Affair Partner lying is a feature not a bug

Yes, they come riddled with these features.
Completely untrustworthy, why is this even a surprise, @Midlifecrisis4 ?

He cheats on his wife with you, and he has no respect for you, so of course he's going to cheat on you in turn.

That's like buying a faulty item in a sale sold without warranty, You took a chance, and he cheated.

Barbarella73 · 25/09/2024 20:47

Midlifecrisis4 · 25/09/2024 20:39

I do have self esteem issues. He basically has me on string when he tells me if and when he is willing to talk to me or see me.

You’re not helpless in this OP - you’re an adult and you’re choosing this. You can also choose to stop.

GreatMistakes · 25/09/2024 20:48

He's either cheating on you, wants to cheat on you or she knows about the affair and is judging you both (but mostly you).

A man like this is probably leaking lies about you now so that he can dump you amd act like you're a crazy stalker and make life so unbearable you resign and he can carry on as he was.

Either way, he wants out.

Midlifecrisis4 · 25/09/2024 20:48

EngineEngineNumber9 · 25/09/2024 20:40

What the hell do you love about him? He just sounds shit in every way.

Ha true. He can be funny, good company, does long text convos that draw me in and knows me sexually in the way no one else does. I guess the bdsm was exciting initially as it was something different

OP posts:
Fleurdalys · 25/09/2024 20:49

What a Twat you are

Midlifecrisis4 · 25/09/2024 20:49

MounjaroUser · 25/09/2024 20:37

So he's a cheat who has an orgasm at the thought of hurting a woman and who doesn't pay you any attention.

Just what is it about this twat that you love?

Yeah exactly that !!

OP posts:
Rudicoolcat · 25/09/2024 20:49

ThreeTescoBags · 25/09/2024 20:38

In which case just up the ante, print out the job spec and staple his nips it. He'll soon forget about secret conversation woman.

🤣

Babbadoobabbadock · 25/09/2024 20:49

‘We were different’
jesus fucking Christ

NewNameNoelle · 25/09/2024 20:49

Of course he’s lying to you. He’s lying to his wife too, and probably the other people he is seeing on the side, and those he is lining up to replace you.

Just like you are lying to your partner.

Get some self respect. Stop being an idiot. Stop lying to the person who you are meant to love and cherish beyond anyone else.

LifeExperience · 25/09/2024 20:49

So a man willing to cheat on his wife has lied to his side piece. Colour me shocked.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 25/09/2024 20:50

@MorrisZapp as they are both cheating then all the OP needs to do is shag someone else and both cheaters are being cheated on

Tahlbias · 25/09/2024 20:50

MamOfGirls2 · 25/09/2024 20:44

A wanker that lies on his wife in order to cheat with you is now lying to you. Fuck me. Shock. Horror.

Love this! 😂

Portalsalways · 25/09/2024 20:50

For god sake. Behave yourself.

Your lying sack of shit affair partner lied to you? Of course he did.

Honestly, you can’t possibly really believe the ‘I thought I was healing him with bdsm’ crap.

He is a liar. You are not so amazingly wonderful/better/different to all the other women he has lied to. This is what you signed up to.

oakleaffy · 25/09/2024 20:50

MorrisZapp · 25/09/2024 20:46

Karma would be the married one getting cheated on, unless of course you're a misogynist who thinks women should pay for men's sexual incontinence.

It's not remotely 'Misogynistic' to think women who knowingly have affairs with married men are in the wrong.

Of course they are.

If they weren't so keen to 'drop their knickers', then men would look probably not stray.

Men generally like the easy option.

A sexually continent woman gets out her metaphorical hatpin and tells a married man to get lost.

ChampaignSupernova · 25/09/2024 20:51

😂😂😂known liar lies to a liar. Wow how did you not see that one coming? congratulations you are being traded in for the next ow. It will be an ounce of what his loyal family and yours will feel when this comes to light.

Get some therapy and be a decent person ffs

Grumpycashier · 25/09/2024 20:51

Someone already wrote this book

Tahlbias · 25/09/2024 20:51

I hope you are having protected sex, if not, get yourself tested and some dignity!

Swissvisa · 25/09/2024 20:51

Cheaters cheat and lie. It comes with the territory OP, you can’t seriously be surprised. You’re literally doing the same thing to your DH and have the audacity to feel hurt now it’s (very probably) happening to you.

Wonmoretime · 25/09/2024 20:51
Biscuit
EG94 · 25/09/2024 20:52

MorrisZapp · 25/09/2024 20:46

Karma would be the married one getting cheated on, unless of course you're a misogynist who thinks women should pay for men's sexual incontinence.

The karma is this fool falling in love with a dickhead now about to be hurt by him spectacularly because she thought a liar and a cheat wouldn’t lie or cheat on her. So in effect the married one is being cheated on by a cheat. I’m not a misogynist but this woman is about to get all she deserves for betrayed her own husband and fucking a married man. Go direct your anger and judgement at the OP mate

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