MIL and her emotional support dog

[Moreacatperson]

AIBU to not let MIL come round with her dog? She apparently can’t/won’t go anywhere without him (this has been the case for 10 months now) and it is causing tension.

I am terrified of dogs and also very allergic. I hate the smell and the hair and just don’t want one in the house. We were meant to host Christmas this year but after MIL told me ‘it’s not down to you - it’s down to MY son and he will override you on this and you can take antihistamines ‘ I cancelled it and let everyone know on the family WhatsApp that they all need to make alternative arrangements this year.

DH agrees with me as MIL only lives nearby so can easily leave the dog at home she just doesn’t like it as it’s not trained and is destructive when left alone and doesn’t have a crate. It’s more of a spoilt fur baby that she labels an emotional support dog (she just purchased the little vest it isn’t officially recognised as any kind of trained support dog)

I’ve told her not to bother me anymore if she wants to see DH / DC contact them directly and see them at her house or out

"Gosh! Antihistamines!" 😂. So clear that you don't suffer with allergies & are absolutely clueless about how awful they are.

And also how rich, you said you wouldn't have a dog in your own home for your own reasons (son). So, its fine to slag off the OP for not having the dog for her reasons, but fine for you not to bother in a similar scenario?! If you're going to judge at least don't be a hypocrite.

Sure we'll mostly all be MILs one day but if we're assholes we shouldn't expect automatic respect which is what the MIL in this situation seems to be expecting. She's clearly out to ruin Xmas for the OP. Luckily her DS has seen it all before and isn't letting it happen.

Not surprised you don’t think she said anything wrong, you sound just as unhinged as the mil

No you shouldn’t be taking antihistamines every day if you are allergic to something. That’s like saying you should take paracetamol every day in case you have a headache. Doesn’t work like that. Antihistamines have their own side effects.

Source: allergy clinic

HTH

Ok I might get shit for this but I'm definitely adding emotional support dogs to my personal red flag list for people I should avoid. Seems more often than not it's an excuse for bringing a badly trained dog to places that they aren't wanted.

MIL tried to claim it was SILs psychiatric assistance dog and said we were breaking the law refusing to have it in our home under the equality act 😂.

Is there no end to these batshit MILs?

YANBU and tbh the humanification of dogs in this country has gone too fucking far.

Calling them fur babies and taking them in every cafe and shop, buying them clothing and dog ice cream and all sorts of shit. It needs to stop they are animals.

I don’t want them in my house regardless of allergies. They’re absolutely stinking but all the dog people are of course nose blind and think their little darlings are delightful.

well at least that's her xmas present sorted - you and your dh could pay for her dog to be enrolled on a behaviour training course!

Who are you to decide that an allergy sufferer should simply suck it up in their own home for days for someone who could leave said allergen at home and chooses not to and the guest thinks she can dictate what happens in someone’s home?

The MIL lives close enough where she can leave at anytime to check on her dog and return if she chooses.

OP can’t get rid of her allergy and she should be able to be in her own home safe from it. She is not stopping her DH or children from seeing his mother and his mother can see them everywhere but their home if she chooses to bring her dog.

It is not OP’s responsibility to cater to someone who is so dismissive of her health and well-being and knows she is severely allergic of dogs. MIL obviously doesn’t like OP and can’t blame OP for not liking her either when she is trying to force her dog on OP and into OP’s home where she knows it would be harmful to her.

Oh my God 🤦‍♀️. I don't even know where to start with that comment so better to ignore.

Well done for standing your ground OP, and good on your husband for backing you up.

Having recently had a reaction to ddog fur I am so unwell have missed work for 2 days. Antihistamines and nasal spray aren't cutting it. Supposed to be at a funeral this week and coughing fits of late make me worried I may be unable to attend.. So shattered from lack of sleep as can't breath properly.. Allergy isn't just a pop a pill situation .

I wouldn't have a dog in my house either and that's not because I don't like them. I do, and they usually like me, but I like my cats a lot more. One of them at least would find a dog in his space very upsetting and as he lives here, he's my priority, not a visitor. I wouldn't dream of imposing him or my tortie on someone else and expect the same respect for my boundaries. Aside from that, allergies and phobias are real regardless of how much we cat and dog lovers think our pets are the Alpha and Omega. I think the OP was right to put her foot down. It sounds as if she wanted to cancel Christmas lunch for other (but related) reasons too. Her MiL knows she has problems being around dogs and made it apparent that she didn't care. Cancelling under those circumstances is more than valid, especially as the OP has given plenty of notice.

We had similar in my family and it was ridiculous how some people prioritize the dog.

DB daughter (8) fearful of dogs.
DS has 2 dogs (one who had bitten grandma)

DS hosts Xmas dinner but refuses to put dogs outside or in basement. Says “girl needs to get over her fear”
My sister not normally a jerk.

since then, 10 years ago, there’s been tension.

All over stupid effing dogs being so precious can’t be outside, kenneled or in basement.

Id say if woman needs dog with her then she can stay home.

Reading between the lines of OPs post though, I'm guessing MIL would be the type to turn up on the doorstep with the dog, cause a fuss in front of the other members of the family and twist it to look like she was the one being treated unfairly.

It's a pity you can't put your mother in law in the kennels for Christmas to give the dog a break. You are totally on point to stand your ground and say no to something that would make you severely unwell. His MIL sounds like a monster who needs commiting or to get her own life and leave yours alone.
Keep up what your doing and don't give her an inch of space in your life xx

To all those saying just take antihistamines for one day; dog dander gets as far down as carpet underlay when a dog goes into a home. A person may be affected long after the dog has left.

My reaction was from being in an empty house a ddog had previously lived in.. I was at the property for 4 hours with all windows open...
That was Thursday.. Still suffering now..

Please tell the dog it can come round to mine on Christmas Day for some emotional respite from your batshit MIL.

You were 100% right to stand your ground OP - she sounds bonkers.

There's something odd about people who don't like dogs.

MIL says this a lot. I think there’s more to worry about with people who can’t understand that some people just have different likes and dislikes to them ! But for some reason not liking dogs (or cats apparently) is a red flag that someone is an awful human ! No idea why and I can’t see how it’s any different to any other preference ?

How do you determine what counts as an "emotional support dog"? Generally speaking, most pet dogs make their owners feel better. At what point does that warrant having a special vest and getting extra privileges?

Batshit.

@pigsDOfly that reminds me of my late FIL. He came for Christmas day. We were eating lunch (which I made alone, my preference as I hate people in the kitchen when I'm cooking) and my DM who was also there, made a comment about how she liked the gravy. FIL muttered Yes it's alright.
Later, when he was leaving he said "Thanks, son" to my OH, not a word to me, not even goodbye. Ignorant old barsteward.

To me a dog is an animal and that’s all, just like pigs and goats. I don’t dislike them per se but I don’t want a pig in my house or in a shop/restaurant. People that can’t get their head around that are odd to me.

It’s a way of imposing them on others and getting around any rules. Can I get a vest for a tarantula and take it to this dog owners house or the seat next to me at a cafe? It smells less and is quieter than their dog for starters.

You're missing out on so much love. I'm sorry you have such a sad life.