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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

MIL and her emotional support dog

267 replies

Moreacatperson · 25/09/2024 17:45

AIBU to not let MIL come round with her dog? She apparently can’t/won’t go anywhere without him (this has been the case for 10 months now) and it is causing tension.

I am terrified of dogs and also very allergic. I hate the smell and the hair and just don’t want one in the house. We were meant to host Christmas this year but after MIL told me ‘it’s not down to you - it’s down to MY son and he will override you on this and you can take antihistamines ‘ I cancelled it and let everyone know on the family WhatsApp that they all need to make alternative arrangements this year.

DH agrees with me as MIL only lives nearby so can easily leave the dog at home she just doesn’t like it as it’s not trained and is destructive when left alone and doesn’t have a crate. It’s more of a spoilt fur baby that she labels an emotional support dog (she just purchased the little vest it isn’t officially recognised as any kind of trained support dog)

I’ve told her not to bother me anymore if she wants to see DH / DC contact them directly and see them at her house or out

OP posts:
BarbaraHoward · 25/09/2024 18:16

Moreacatperson · 25/09/2024 18:08

She does that a lot , 3 months ago she let me know that as his mother she is his legal next of kin and wasn’t happy when I corrected her she had to get ‘legal advice ‘ to check . Apparently because DH had his house before we met and married she thought if anything happened to him that it would be hers 😂😂😂😂

Christ she sounds awful.

C152 · 25/09/2024 18:18

It's clearly not a genuine support animal if it's not trained. Even if it were, YANBU to not want it in your home when you're allergic to dogs.

BeardieWeirdie · 25/09/2024 18:19

Fair play for marrying a man with a mother like this. He must be awesome in the sack to compensate. YANBU, obviously.

saltysandysea · 25/09/2024 18:21

You can come between her and her son and said her fur baby is not welcome. Double whammy there.

You are fine to say an untrained, ill-mannered dog is not allowed in your home. I tend to find a dog takes on the manners of its owners.

BettyBardMacDonald · 25/09/2024 18:21

She sounds batshit.

I feel sorry for the poor dog, though.

Luxer · 25/09/2024 18:24

My SIL no longer speaks to us as she wanted to bring her dog to everything we hosted and we refused to have a barking untrained sausage dog in our home. We have 2 dogs who behave, don’t bother anyone and go to their spots when they’re asked. They don’t jump or slaver on visitors and don’t beg at the table either. After the second time of the demon sausage dog in our home we said no more. Of course SIL was invited but devil dog was banned after nipping my heels and peeing on a rug. Stand firm OP. MIL tried to claim it was SILs psychiatric assistance dog and said we were breaking the law refusing to have it in our home under the equality act 😂.

DreamTheMoors · 25/09/2024 18:30

Get a crate, @Moreacatperson

Put them both in it.
Fewer accidents, the mess is contained and when the barking starts you can throw a blanket over it.

BeachRide · 25/09/2024 18:34

Poor dog ...

MIL and her emotional support dog
RickyGervaislovesdogs · 25/09/2024 18:35

Whose house is it? Are any joint decisions made? Or is it one person’s wants and needs only.
I suppose she could host Christmas but then I’m guessing you wouldn’t want to go there either.

Sounds like you’ve won either way you cut it.

pigsDOfly · 25/09/2024 18:35

Moreacatperson · 25/09/2024 17:49

I’m just surprised that MIL is so sure she can do what she wants in someone else’s house when it’s been made so clear we don’t want the dog here !

Can really sympathise OP.

Your MIL sounds very much like my late, exMIL.

I used to have to host religious holidays - not Christmas - when I was still married and every single time, prior to the holiday, MIL would tell me at some point 'we're going to 'John's' house for the holiday'. As if I wasn't aware of the arrangement until she informed me because I was too unimportant to have been consulted and that it was her son's house they were going to, not mine.

Moreover, I can't imagine for a moment that she didn't realise that I was the one and only person doing all the work involved for cooking for around a dozen, sometimes more, people for two or three days.

Good on you for not putting up with her nasty bullshit.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 25/09/2024 18:40

@Moreacatperson great to see a dh standing with his wife for a change and saying NO to his mother!! your house, your rules anyway!!!

CoffeeWithMyOxygen · 25/09/2024 18:44

Good for you and your DH. She sounds awful! How did the family react to the cancellation?

cuddlebear · 25/09/2024 18:46

YANBU. Although I would have been tempted to still invite everyone else just to piss her off. 😂

Willyoushutthefrontdoor · 25/09/2024 18:46

I have 3 dogs. I would not dream of taking them with me wherever I go. Mine are well trained but are a bit needy since lockdown when I started wfh. I still wouldn't. People understand if they come here there are dogs obvs but I wouldn't demand their presence in anyones home. Can't understand why anyone thinks YaBU!

mushpush · 25/09/2024 18:53

RickyGervaislovesdogs · 25/09/2024 18:35

Whose house is it? Are any joint decisions made? Or is it one person’s wants and needs only.
I suppose she could host Christmas but then I’m guessing you wouldn’t want to go there either.

Sounds like you’ve won either way you cut it.

The married couples house?

I mean the personal who's very allergic and also terrified gets to make the call - that's not even up for debate! In the OP it says her DH agrees too 🤷🏻‍♀️

Mil sounds batty really!

MrsCarson · 25/09/2024 18:55

So it's not a trained emotional support dog then, it's an untrained destruction machine what she likes to take everywhere and cause havoc.
How did she cope with out it 10 months ago? I bet she no different that now the dog is with her.
You did the right thing.

NiftyKoala · 25/09/2024 18:57

That poor dog.

phoenixrosehere · 25/09/2024 18:57

RickyGervaislovesdogs · 25/09/2024 18:35

Whose house is it? Are any joint decisions made? Or is it one person’s wants and needs only.
I suppose she could host Christmas but then I’m guessing you wouldn’t want to go there either.

Sounds like you’ve won either way you cut it.

She couldn’t go if she wanted to due to being very allergic to dogs!

How is that difficult to comprehend or understand?

Nanny0gg · 25/09/2024 19:10

Moreacatperson · 25/09/2024 18:09

The poor thing is so indulged and not trained and as a consequence is a nervy barking nuisance only happy with MIL cuddling it in actual fact I think she’s the dogs emotional support human !

Who else have you cancelled for Christmas?

TorroFerney · 25/09/2024 19:11

Moreacatperson · 25/09/2024 17:49

I’m just surprised that MIL is so sure she can do what she wants in someone else’s house when it’s been made so clear we don’t want the dog here !

Sympathy, I have a mother who prefers me not to enter her house than train the dog to not jump up at me.

IainTorontoNSW · 25/09/2024 19:12

Don't get me started on the FRAUD being perpetrated by people claiming certain dogs or other animals are "emotional support animals".

I wage a no holds barred confrontation with the utter crap served up by the con-artists who falsely claim therapy dogs/animals.

In 2018, I went into my favourite local cafe for a couple of big lattes and a fix of morning crosswords.

About 2 metres away, INSIDE THE CAFE, is an older male sipping coffee and eating raisin toast. He has a small smelly, unwashed, (seemingly) ungroomed dog on his lap ... and he's feeding it small torn-off bits of his raisin toast.

I was not impressed. Our state and our local government area both have provisions for QUALIFIED, ENDORSED companion animals and 'seeing-eye' dogs.

The dog in question did not have a vest or harness. The clearest dead giveaway was the lack of grooming and lack of cleanliness.

Eventually the man and dog left and I remarked to Jodie, the barista that I was wondering why she had had a dog inside OFF THE FLOOR on a customer's lap. "Oh, he told me tht it was his companion animal but he had left its endorsement and documentation at home. I offered to let him sit at one of the footpath tables with his dog on the floor but he said he'd rather be inside."

I responded that the grooming/cleanliness issues were "off" ... that companion animals are normally resplendent and owners know to not have them at table level nor feed them tidbits. Jodie agreed but said, "what can I do?"

On my tablet-computer, I referenced the rules and sent them to the cafe's SMS feed.

Next day, Jodie stood her ground and told the same customer he needed his documentation and he needed to be able to say what specialist training or care the dog had. He yelled at her and told her he would take his business to an alternative cafe.

Many people just like to carry their pets around (yes ... CARRY!) and take them to cafes and shops then bloff their way along. Genuine companion animal owners, in the main, do it all by the book.

Moreacatperson · 25/09/2024 19:19

Nanny0gg · 25/09/2024 19:10

Who else have you cancelled for Christmas?

MIL and FIL , SIL BIL their dc (10) and DH aunt

OP posts:
Noseybookworm · 25/09/2024 19:38

I'm allergic to dogs and none of my friends and family would dream of bringing their dogs to my house! If I visit theirs, I take antihistamines and my asthma inhaler and don't touch the dogs but it still makes me feel crap for a few days after. Your MIL is totally unreasonable but at least you don't have to have her for Christmas - result! 😂

oakleaffy · 25/09/2024 19:40

Moreacatperson · 25/09/2024 18:09

The poor thing is so indulged and not trained and as a consequence is a nervy barking nuisance only happy with MIL cuddling it in actual fact I think she’s the dogs emotional support human !

A true therapy dog undergoes tests and is insured and impeccably behaved.

Definitely very unobtrusive and non~smelly and quiet.

Pluviophile1 · 25/09/2024 20:10

BeardieWeirdie · 25/09/2024 18:19

Fair play for marrying a man with a mother like this. He must be awesome in the sack to compensate. YANBU, obviously.

It sounds like he doesn't tolerate his mother's nonsense. As it should be.
But you're right. A MIL like that could well be a dealbreaker for me. Makes me feel lucky that mine is a decent human being, who doesn't see her son as her little prince.

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