MIL and her emotional support dog

[Moreacatperson]

AIBU to not let MIL come round with her dog? She apparently can’t/won’t go anywhere without him (this has been the case for 10 months now) and it is causing tension.

I am terrified of dogs and also very allergic. I hate the smell and the hair and just don’t want one in the house. We were meant to host Christmas this year but after MIL told me ‘it’s not down to you - it’s down to MY son and he will override you on this and you can take antihistamines ‘ I cancelled it and let everyone know on the family WhatsApp that they all need to make alternative arrangements this year.

DH agrees with me as MIL only lives nearby so can easily leave the dog at home she just doesn’t like it as it’s not trained and is destructive when left alone and doesn’t have a crate. It’s more of a spoilt fur baby that she labels an emotional support dog (she just purchased the little vest it isn’t officially recognised as any kind of trained support dog)

I’ve told her not to bother me anymore if she wants to see DH / DC contact them directly and see them at her house or out

@Gymnopedie You are comparing a dog who bites (and occasionally pisses on beds) to a dog who doesn’t seem to do those things? Unless there’s a massive backstory. Gosh antihistamines! It’s one day!!!!! Had a rescue kitty and took one every, single, god damn day! 💪🏼MIL will be dead one day, along with her dog. There’s NO way DH would stop me having DM to our home.

I have an 8 year old, so yeah bitey bastard can’t come here.

It’s a MIL and Dog bashing post. You’ll be a MIL one day OP. 😕🤣That’s all I’m going to say, I hope you’re treated with a little less contempt - well actually I don’t lol.

Support dogs should be trained but no amount of training will stop OPs allergies.

@phoenixrosehere Because I’ve read the whole thread. 🤷🏼‍♀️ OP hates MIL. The end. If the dog died, OP would still be looking for ways to hate the MIL.

You'll often find me on here sticking up for MILs.

Bringing or wanting to bring a known allergen to an allergic person's house and not taking no for an answer is justifiable reason to dislike someone.

Expecting to inherit from her son over his wife doesn't imply she's an otherwise reasonable MIL either.

As have I, yet I don’t see how OP hates her MIL because she rightly doesn’t want the thing she is highly allergic to in her home nor wants to tolerate a person who wants to knowingly put her life at risk and override what is allowed in her home.

MIL can leave the dog at home and chooses not to. OP didn’t choose to be severely allergic to dogs and cannot have a dog in her home or go to MIL’s home where the dog is.

MIL doesn’t like OP because if she did, she wouldn’t be trying to bring her dog in the first place and telling her to just take antihistamine. Even if you don’t like someone, a decent, sane, person wouldn’t try to hurt them on purpose which is what MIL was doing by trying to undermine OP and her son by bringing the dog to their home.

Antihistamines aren't a magic bullet. Last time I visited a family member who had a cat I took an Antihistamine before arrival but still broke out in hives and sneezed so much that I pulled muscles in my chest meaning I couldn't lie down comfortably for weeks after.

Firstly, antihistamines are not a golden bullet. Even the mega strong prescribed ones don’t work for me around long-haired cats and I am ILL if I’m in the same house as one. That alone is enough reason for the op to not allow the dog in her home. Secondly, dogs are not children. They are not entitled to go everywhere just because the owner says so and certainly not into someone else’s home! Thirdly, she’s not stopping her son from seeing his mother at all or her grandkids from seeing their grandmother.Indeed, she wasn’t stopping her mil from coming into the home, only the dog. MIL needs to accept that the dog is not in fact an extra appendage. This is ALL on the incredibly selfish, entitled mil. It’s just an added bonus for the op that she was sick of being expected to host Christmas for everyone every other year and now doesn’t have to!

Even if the OP wasn't allergic and just didn't want the dog in her house because she doesn't like dogs, that would still be her prerogative and she'd be in the right to say no to the dog!

Pets are the personal choice of the people who buy them - no one else has to accommodate them or even tolerate them in their own homes. If a person doesn't want a stinky, moulting, yappy pooch in their house,then fair enough. The only person who should inconvenienced by a pet, is the person who owns it!

Dogs are not children - there's no entitlement to bring them into restaurants and shops or into other peoples houses (not even sure about kids in that last context tbh 😉).

Therapy dogs are - and hearing and guide dogs.

ESAs are just pets and are only trained to the extent that a pet would be.

with allergies this should never even be a question.

So does she never go out without the dog? What kind of life does she have if she can’t go to coffee or to a restaurant or shopping where dogs are not allowed? She is being grossly unreasonable and you are absolutely right, you are Lord of your own Manor and absolutely within your rights to refuse entry to a dog that exacerbates your allergies and creates mess! Good for you for cancelling the Christmas get-together

People are having to say allergies even if they do not have one, due to not wanting to be in a dog workplace or have it come to their house. That’s a shame as allergies are a serious matter. It should be default not to ask or bring them places. It is awkward to say no to friends or family without a valid ‘reason’. When the reason actually is, it’s a smelly/ratty/annoying animal and all they do when it’s there is talk about it or comment on what it is doing.

In public places, they do not have to be allowed in private homes.

Therapy dogs are sonethkng different. They are usually dogs who go into schools, care homes etc for therapeutic benefit.

Assistance dogs are guide dogs, hearing dogs and dogs trained to mitigate other disabilities.

Emotional Support Dogs have no legal status in the U.K. they are pets.

Being allergic to dogs , I antihistamines doing absolutely nothing to help, I completely understand OP. I'm so glad your husband is on your side.

The mil is at fault. The op is allergic to dogs! Insisting on taking your dog to someone’s house when they are allergic is extremely cunty. It’s very simple to see who is at fault for sure in this situation.

Why is it petty for her not to want a dog in her house when she is allergic to dogs?
edit: just saw your latest comment. So you can say no to a dog because of its behaviour, but op can’t say no because the dog will give her a physical reaction that could severely impact her health? What a silly hypocrite!

But also scared of, not just allergies.
But there are no bad dog just bad owners and clearly the case there with the entitlement and the prop she has!
I LOVE that NoK and house.ownership too!
Deloulou!

YABVU! Emotional support dogs can't be legally recognised in the UK; so the only way to get a vest is from Amazon or eBay. And who are you do decide whether or not someone needs emotional support!
Don't know about the dog being a spoilt fur baby but you're acting like a spoilt brat!
Of course it's not your decision if her son sees her at Christmas or not. And yes you should be taking antihistamines everyday if you're allergic to anything!
I don't think she said anything wrong!

Oh your one of those! That didn't have anything and married for the house! If I was your DH I'd be writing you out of the will for the treatment of my mother tbh!

Wow. Did you actually bother reading the post? There’s one spoilt, entitled brat here and it’s 100% the MIL.

Are you the MIL?

Why should the OP take antihistamines if she doesn't have to - and why should she have to tolerate MILs badly behaved dog in her own home.

😂😂😂

The 1950's called and want you back

😂😂😂

"didn't have anything and married for the house" - priceless!!

Christ alive 🙄

I bloody hate the fact that you can buy these bull shit dog vests on eBay. I work for an ACTUAL assistance dog charity and it causes so many problems for AD dog owners to have twats like your MIL marching into shops with their poorly trained pet dogs distracting their working dogs.

Make sure your DH sticks to his guns, and maybe he could have a word with her about how her silly attitude causes issues for genuinely disabled people.

Good for you OP for being firm on setting your boundaries and sticking to them without all the flakey fluffy pussyfooting around.

I wish more people were like you.
These days I would always choose my dogs over people and by the same token, if people don’t like dogs or accept that where they live is their home too then don’t come.