MIL and her emotional support dog

[Moreacatperson]

AIBU to not let MIL come round with her dog? She apparently can’t/won’t go anywhere without him (this has been the case for 10 months now) and it is causing tension.

I am terrified of dogs and also very allergic. I hate the smell and the hair and just don’t want one in the house. We were meant to host Christmas this year but after MIL told me ‘it’s not down to you - it’s down to MY son and he will override you on this and you can take antihistamines ‘ I cancelled it and let everyone know on the family WhatsApp that they all need to make alternative arrangements this year.

DH agrees with me as MIL only lives nearby so can easily leave the dog at home she just doesn’t like it as it’s not trained and is destructive when left alone and doesn’t have a crate. It’s more of a spoilt fur baby that she labels an emotional support dog (she just purchased the little vest it isn’t officially recognised as any kind of trained support dog)

I’ve told her not to bother me anymore if she wants to see DH / DC contact them directly and see them at her house or out

So let me get this right.

You think that if it's anything short of actual, literal, instant death, people with allergies should just suck it up. They should drug themselves with antihistamines which only partially help, and cope with all the side effects of those medications. They should tolerate all the deeply unpleasant allergy symptoms, and somehow attempt to enjoy Christmas while doing all the work and physically feeling like shit. They should perhaps accept potential long-term damage to their lungs. And they should also be happy to take on the arduous, lengthy and expensive task of deep-cleaning their home afterwards, to avoid ongoing allergy symptoms from allergens lodged in their own damn home.

But asking someone to instead leave their pet dog at home for a few hours is not acceptable, for some reason?

I would think the clue was in “severe”’.

Dog dander can remain in a home for up to six months. Dog hair can stay for months or even years. A simple google search can tell you that.

Regardless on how hard it is for you to get past that OP is happy not to host for once, it still doesn’t change the fact that she is severely allergic of dogs and her MIL was being unreasonable over it.

A dog can be left alone at home for a couple of hours by itself (unless it is a very young puppy). The MIL lives locally so she could pop back home once or twice if she wanted to. IMO she is just being awkward and trying to cause trouble. If it were a guide dog or hearing dog etc it would be a different matter, but it isn't!

Glad to see so many people disagreeing with you.

Life with allergies can be extremely unpleasant. Anti-histamines barely take the edge off. They do nothing if I have a big reaction and most people would say I have mild allergies.

If I was the one hosting, you can bet I would do anything to avoid being ill in my own home at Christmas. Inviting an animal in and potentially feeling rough all week - no.

I think dogs are emotional support to most people but we don’t over ride everybody else’s needs.

Oh apologies I didn’t realise OP had said she will be rough all week. That’s totally different then.

I think she would prefer to breathe.

She is not missing out on love. What she is missing out on:

• wheezing
• eyes itching and watering
• skin itching
• asthma attacks
• everything itching
• Hair everywhere
• being jumped up at
• house smelling of dog (yes it does. I can tell when someone owns a dog even when the dog isn’t there - because they smell of dog too. It’s there.)
• being ill for days
• having to deep clean
• being made to do something she doesn’t want to, that makes her sick and uncomfortable.
• having to take medication that makes you feel like shit even if it doesn’t work.

How is ANY of that ‘love’? I’ll pass too, thanks.

From the OP: I am terrified of dogs and also very allergic (my emphasis).

If we accept that OP is telling the truth there — because a) we have no reason to believe she lied in her OP, and b) it seems a bit pointless to discuss the situation posted if we're going to be assuming crucial elements are fabricated — then it seems unlikely that by "very allergic" she meant "a minor treatable sniffle that stops the moment the dog is gone".

You might as well ditch the sarky responses and just admit that you didn't understand how dog allergies work, didn't realise that antihistamines aren't a cure-all, and hadn't thought about the fact that allergens would be left behind in OP's house and have to be dealt with. It's really not a big deal — nobody expects everyone to automatically know everything about other people's medical issues.

You’re quite right but it actually shouldn’t be relevant anyway. She doesn’t want a dog in her house. That’s actually all the information that’s needed. I truly can’t understand why so many dog owners think they have a God-given right to invade people’s private spaces with their pets.

Very true. I agree that not wanting a dog in your house should be justification enough.

However I do think it's important to challenge people when they talk bullshit about medical conditions, mostly to try and prevent the spread of false info to those who might not already be familiar with the topic.

You’re right and as a very allergic person myself (to cats, not dogs), I can confirm it’s really irritating when people say ‘Just take an antihistamine’!

I know, so bloody clueless.

I’m very allergic to cats. I take an antihistamine. All getting a bit obsessed now aren’t we. I am allowed a different view ya know! 🤷🏼‍♀️

No one said you weren’t but surely, you should consider that allergies vary and that just because you can take an antihistamine and be fine doesn’t mean others simply can nor should someone have to do so for 3-4 days when someone else already knows that dogs aren’t allowed in the home.

OP literally said that her DH has told his mother before and MIL knows that dogs have never been allowed in their home before this anyway.

Yuh-huh.

That’s a new one! 🤣

Cool. I’m glad it’s resolved. How long until this thread reaches 40. Has OP been around lately? Nope. Probably burning effigies of MIL somewhere. 😆