MIL and her emotional support dog

[Moreacatperson]

AIBU to not let MIL come round with her dog? She apparently can’t/won’t go anywhere without him (this has been the case for 10 months now) and it is causing tension.

I am terrified of dogs and also very allergic. I hate the smell and the hair and just don’t want one in the house. We were meant to host Christmas this year but after MIL told me ‘it’s not down to you - it’s down to MY son and he will override you on this and you can take antihistamines ‘ I cancelled it and let everyone know on the family WhatsApp that they all need to make alternative arrangements this year.

DH agrees with me as MIL only lives nearby so can easily leave the dog at home she just doesn’t like it as it’s not trained and is destructive when left alone and doesn’t have a crate. It’s more of a spoilt fur baby that she labels an emotional support dog (she just purchased the little vest it isn’t officially recognised as any kind of trained support dog)

I’ve told her not to bother me anymore if she wants to see DH / DC contact them directly and see them at her house or out

Good for you OP, but why didn't you just keep it factual - plans are being cancelled because of MIL's refusal to leave ddog at home?

We were meant to host Christmas this year but after MIL told me ‘it’s not down to you - it’s down to MY son and he will override you on this and you can take antihistamines

Take antihistamines?! As someone with allergies myself I'd be wanting to tell her to get stuffed.
She sounds absolutely foul.
Sometimes you can't "just take antihistamines."
Ignorant cow.

Probably 9% of people think 'faaaamily' matters more than anything... the rest of us know how it sometimes works differently in the real world!

My only criticism is that OP didn't put in the family group chat that mil had said to her!

Well done on shutting that shit right down. She'd never step foot in my house again after what she said.

I think this attitude happens a lot when a man already owns his home and then gets married and the new wife moves in. The family still think of it as just his home and don't expect to change their behaviour to recognise that it's now someone else's home too now.
But you'd think that by the time a couple has kids the penny would have dropped. Especially when it's the wife doing all the work in hosting!

There wasn’t any point me putting in the message what had happened as that would have just opened up a conversation about it and I didn’t want to do that. I’m just exhausted by it all me wanted to keep it to a short message / statement and then just get on with planning a relaxing Christmas instead. Dh is still in the group I left as in general m trying to be on my phone less and all the excess groups don’t help with that so I’ve been leaving a few and now the family one too 😂

Is it really an emotional support dog, or did she make that up? If so, what's wrong with her?

What was the reaction from the rest of the family when you told them you were cancelling?

you can't ask a person that! thats non of our business. As frustrating as some peoples 'needs' are, its not for us to ask

Sounds like the dog is just one on a list of issues!

Fuck that, if it affects me i ask

She has various conditions that are genuine but the dog is just a pet it’s not trained in any way at all ! She has just labelled it ‘emotional support dog’. She has depression and anxiety.

If everyone who had depression and anxiety needed a support dog, there'd be a lot of dogs

How did she take you saying that nobody is welcome for Xmas?

I think you’ve done the right thing btw.

I think there's always been people who find that caring for a dog is good for their mental health but this just sounds like an excuse for people to take dogs to places that aren't appropriate.

I think there's always been people who find that caring for a dog is good for their mental health

Yep it's called a pet.

this just sounds like an excuse for people to take dogs to places that aren't appropriate

Not just dogs. I saw a "news" story a few years ago about an autistic bloke who thought that his autism was justification to take his pet cat into the supermarket. And people were actually going along with it.

(Note: I have an ASD diagnosis myself, and have known many autistic people as friends, acquaintances and family members, with many different expressions of their autism and differing support needs. I have advocated strongly for autistic people and their rights and needs, and been involved in various kinds of projects within services to drive improvement as well as some activism from outside. I still think that chap is taking the absolute piss.)

Bloody cheek of your MIL! Glad you and DH have stuck to your guns regarding the dog being allowed in your home. Poor little dog must be a bundle of nerves itself.

She is out of order, I love cats and dogs and If you visit me they are around but no I dont take them with me when I visit people, your house your rules.

YANBU
Your house, your rules!
I'm not a dog person and my sister in law brought one up, she knew not to tell me cause I'd of said no.
I was fuming and told her to never do it again!
Any body else that brought a dog here it pee'd I've a cat.

So I say- leave your dog at home.

@TorroFerney
I think she meant she cancelled Christmas dinner at her house for all that were invited. Not rocket science.

@Moreacatperson
Is likely they will all arrange something else and dog will be there anyway. 🤷‍♀️
If you don't go, it will likely create a problem going forward 😬

She is highly allergic to dogs. It shouldn’t be surprising if she doesn’t show up if the dog is there.

There are emotional support dogs, a neighbour has fragile diabetes and has a lovely trained dog.
If a relative had visual impairment would you not allow that?

You mean a guide dog?

Quite a few dog owners are like that, sadly.

You have done exactly what I would have done. No dogs in my house.

As for legal next of kin, he might be hers (assuming no FIL around), but you are his.

Emotional support dogs are not a thing.

You can get trained therapy dogs which are different.

And obviously guide dogs are very different - they are trained to do a job and would never bother someone. It could be an issue if you have allergies like the OP but for most people they would not be a problem.

Very different from badly behaved pets.

Not just dogs. I saw a "news" story a few years ago about an autistic bloke who thought that his autism was justification to take his pet cat into the supermarket. And people were actually going along with it

The latest one I saw was a police officer suing his local force for not allowing him to take his emotional support dog on shift with him.