MIL and her emotional support dog

[Moreacatperson]

AIBU to not let MIL come round with her dog? She apparently can’t/won’t go anywhere without him (this has been the case for 10 months now) and it is causing tension.

I am terrified of dogs and also very allergic. I hate the smell and the hair and just don’t want one in the house. We were meant to host Christmas this year but after MIL told me ‘it’s not down to you - it’s down to MY son and he will override you on this and you can take antihistamines ‘ I cancelled it and let everyone know on the family WhatsApp that they all need to make alternative arrangements this year.

DH agrees with me as MIL only lives nearby so can easily leave the dog at home she just doesn’t like it as it’s not trained and is destructive when left alone and doesn’t have a crate. It’s more of a spoilt fur baby that she labels an emotional support dog (she just purchased the little vest it isn’t officially recognised as any kind of trained support dog)

I’ve told her not to bother me anymore if she wants to see DH / DC contact them directly and see them at her house or out

Exactly and they have 3 months to make alternative arrangements it’s not as if it is the 23 dec ! I found them all quite rude and very demanding in the past and I really wasn’t happy about doing it again. I’d been typing out messages then deleting trying to word it all nicely then not knowing what to say but her attitude gave me the confidence I needed to say ‘sorry but due to unforeseen circumstances we are no longer able to host Christmas this year - just wanted to let you all know in plenty of time so you can make alternative arrangements’

I don't know about an emotional support dog for your mil. Sounds like she needs an emotional kick up the arse.

Christ. You don't bring a known allergen to the allergic person's house. Surely that doesn't need to be pointed out?

Yep, I'm aware if that but op said she cancelled it.
So, what was the reaction of the rest of the family, op?

*of

Good for you. It’s the mumsnet paradox, stand up for yourself, don’t host if you don’t want to. Op - I’m not hosting , mumsnet omg you terrible person cancelling Christmas they will starve!!

It’s as if people don’t want to understand this.

She said they host for 3-4 days and it's a horrible experience for her. She has the right to enjoy Christmas, and the rest of the family can do whatever it is they do on alternate years when the OP isn't hosting, or get together at one of their own houses and leave OP and her husband to do Christmas as they wish. If someone tells you that you don't have the right to keep allergens out of your own home, why on earth would you host that person? She's given plenty of notice, and done nothing wrong.

I'm not even allergic and wouldn't have a dog in my house. We don't have dogs and making our living spaces suitable for a dog isn't something I'd be willing to take on.

Why can't dogs be left at home anymore, this was normal and expected when I was a child.

Assistance dog handler here - am disabled.

uk law - no such thing as ‘emotional support dog’. Anyone can call their dog an emotional support dog - but it give them No RIGHTS to go anywhere what isn’t dog friendly.

ASSISTANCE DOGS (highly trained to mitigate persons disability and to behave appropriately in public) whether owner trained or charity trained have full public access rights to help the disabled person they support - hence can go in pubs, restaurants, theatres, concerts, shops etc that are usually ‘no dogs’

Any assistance dog causing an issue can be asked to leave if not behaving appropriately (e.g. if it peed in the shop or barking at people in a non alerting for emergency manner)

Assistance dogs have PUBLIC ACCESS rights to help the disabled person under the Equality Act.

Your house is not a public place - it is a private dwelling. No assistance dog has the right to cross your threshold without your permission as it is a private house.

Your MIL is trying it on big time and is totally unaware of the uk laws.

Really angers me people doing this -as gives us genuine handlers who rely on our dogs for safety and independence a bad name.

I would never expect my dog to go into someone’s house without their permission… it’s just plain rude and not them being ‘ableist’ or discriminating against me.

The mark of a good assistance dog is you don’t know it is there. They calmly lay at your feet alongside you - waiting to help but certainly are not causing havoc. The training is extensive so they are as unobtrusive as possible. They are obedient and calm.

You are totally within your rights to say no to her badly trained dog coming to your house whatever lable she choses to put on it…

Oh my!! Breaking the law? That’s a stretch too far and surely she knows this! 😂

MIL sounds like a total nightmare.
Good on you for not taking it.

In the USA I have seen a lot of signs saying something along the lines of:

Service dogs welcome.
Please note that according to (relevant disabilities act inserted) emotional support dogs are not service dogs.
It is illegal to misrepresent a pet as a service animal. Fines up to $(however many dollars).

Could the dog stay in the garage or somewhere, and then at least everyone could have lunch /pressies and then MIL can head off home?

No!!!

A well trained assistance dog (or any well trained pet dog) would be quite happy to be left for a couple of hours in their own home. Lots of water, couple of toys, cosy blankets in the sofa on in their bed - maybe the radio on. Dogs that are happy and been well trained will enjoy a nice walk before you go out - the assistant dog toileting on command as trained to do so - they will then settle down for a lovely nap while you are out for a few hours.

no dog wants to be shoved in a garage .

you can’t argue with this MIL - she is misrepresenting what her dog is , overriding others needs and just wanting her own way.

Shove MIL in the garage maybe but not the dog! (joking before anyone gets irate)

Reading about MiL's behaviour, do you REALLY think she would put her furbaby/prop/ddog (insert your own descriptive word for the dog) in a GARAGE?!

Plan something really nice for Christmas OP. MIL is a loon, she’s had plenty of time to train the dog to be happy to spend some time alone at home. Some people are ridiculous with their attitude to their dogs!!

You should tell them to go to lawyers about starting legal action. At least it'll give the lawyers a good laugh.

Pretty rude and unkind to expect someone who is hosting for several days to have to be doped up to their eyeballs in antihistamines the whole time to accommodate one disrespectful person who could leave their pet at home.

Likely the types who say “… but it’s Christmas”. 🙄

Honestly after all that shit the only thing I’d be sorting out is a conversation with DH where you say to him that either he puts her very straight on her position in your lives - ie very much below you, him and the children and not a person with any kind of deciding role in how you run your lives - either she understands that and gets to grips with it or she is out of all your lives - kids included, as you won’t be insulted and undermined in front of them. And never another Christmas!

surely if you are allergic this over-rides any other reasons for you not wanting the dog in your house? it isn't just the effects it will have on you on the day, its your day to day living in the house... it'll need a deep clean to get rid of lingering stray hairs etc. surely she would understand this? has she always been aware of this allergy? what do you do when you visit her house?

she sounds unhinged

Not just the short-term risk of death (plus short-term discomfort, pain, inability to participate in activities, side-effects of drugs, inconvenience of seeking further medical care if necessary, etc.), either — there's also the long-term implications.

Asthma attacks cause lung damage. Scarred lungs work less well. Lung damage accumulates over a lifetime and can result in significant respiratory disability on top of existing asthma symptoms.

I wish more people understood this, thank you x

Asthmatic living with an asthmatic with COPD here — it's amazing how many people don't get it, and refuse to believe it when you tell them (if it's inconvenient to them).