Childminder pay after bereavement

[familylifeishard]

Hi all, first time poster here so would appreciate your thoughts. Our childminders mum died last week so she didn’t work 2 of the 3 days my son goes there. No problem as I kept him at home whilst working. My question is, would you still pay her for those 2 days or let it go due to the bereavement. I feel awkward deducting the fees but DH says that the consequences of being self employed. She told me to take it off the monthly fee but I’d already paid it so don’t know what to do next month?! Thanks for reading and any thoughts you have!

Your husband is incredibly harsh. If I was a childminder and you penalised over the death of a parent I would give you notice.

depending on contract you are well within your rights not to pay … however as a previous childminder , I can tell you any parent that understood this wasn’t a planned time off would be more likely to engage in loyalty . When i gave up part of my reasons was seeing parents who just viewed it as a business transaction.

I would pay. I’ve done similiar with a cleaner. A little good will goes a long way in this kind of relationship.

I am sure you do not have to pay but imagine if you were the childminder who had just lost your mum. I would forget about the payment to be honest. I think sometimes you have to look at the bigger picture.

Ok she is self employed so a bit different but she only took a couple of days off when most employed people take 2 weeks paid bereavement leave. I wouldn't even think about not paying her.

Does she give you invoices? She may remove it herself. I'd check your contract before removing it as it'd be awkward if you were liable to pay. And I'd pay her anyway, she cares for the most important person in your life every day and it wasn't an unreasonable amount of time to have off at all.

I'd 100% pay her in this situation.

Horrifically so.

I would pay her.

Regardless of contractual obligation I would pay- it's only a couple of days and showing compassion in a time of dire emotional upset would be an investment in the relationship with the person who cares for my DC imo

I think this is a bit unfair given that it is a business and so many parents are struggling with the cost of childcare and cost of living. Not everyone can justify paying for nothing or will have had to take unpaid time off to care for their child and be down in wage also.

Op if you can afford it then yes I'd still pay her, but if you can't then follow what it says in your contract and I'd do something else like give a card or something to show you're thinking about her.

Mean spirited I think in this situation yes would pay.

If you can afford to then I would pay her. What your DH said was incredibly heartless. You don’t need to be pay her (legal perspective) but I think you should pay her (moral perspective)

If it didn’t cost you any money in other childcare fees then I’d not deduct the money.
Obviously if a parent had to pay someone else for last minute childcare then they would be reasonable in deducting the cost.

Seems a dickish thing to do, to insist upon deducting the money.

I'd ignore him (and if he asked, say 'Oh, yes, it's sorted') and just pay the standard amount again.

If she literally said to take it off, then take it off next month's. It depends strongly on your relationship with her, and your own financial situation. But I'd probably not be taking it off.
I can't imagine how difficult it must be to work when you've lost your mum days ago.

I would pay it to show her support at a difficult time.

If it didn't cost you anything I'd leave it. It would have been different if you'd been unable to work due to no childcare and had to take 2 days unpaid leave, as would happen at my work.

I would pay. Seems unfair not to.

I would pay her.

I would pay, especially as you didn’t lose any money from taking days off, or have to pay anything extra for emergency childcare. My childminder was amazing and she was like family after a few years, I think if you can absorb the cost that would be the best thing to do!

Thanks for your replies and I definitely won’t deduct her fees. We have a good relationship and she’s looked after all 3 of my DC’s. I also gave our cleaner money when we were away so she didn’t lose money. That’s what I am like and always tip in restaurants and pubs. DH can lump it!!!

You say you’ve already paid it.

Did you have to pay again for someone else to look after your child for those two days? Did you lose money by not being able to work due to lack of childcare? Or did you manage to muddle through it?

If you suffered no financial loss then it would be unbelievably cruel to ask her to reimburse you because her Mum died.

Kindness goes far in this world. And if you hope to have the kind of childminder who would bend over backwards to help you out in the future if you ever need a favour from her, then do the right thing. Or if you want a childminder who thinks you are petty and unkind….. then go ahead!

I have a cleaner once a week, self employed. He was not allowed to work all through the Covid lockdowns. Legally I didn’t have to pay him, but morally I felt it was right to continue to pay him. My husband and I were still earning the same salary through the lockdowns so we felt it was right to help him and his family through a difficult time.

I would pay, I wouldn't pay a nursery business that couldn't take my child for a day, but an individual is different.

I can't imagine being uncaring enough to withhold pay in a situation like this.

You would have paid her anyway and you've not lost out on anything - please pay her. That poor woman.