Childminder pay after bereavement

[familylifeishard]

Hi all, first time poster here so would appreciate your thoughts. Our childminders mum died last week so she didn’t work 2 of the 3 days my son goes there. No problem as I kept him at home whilst working. My question is, would you still pay her for those 2 days or let it go due to the bereavement. I feel awkward deducting the fees but DH says that the consequences of being self employed. She told me to take it off the monthly fee but I’d already paid it so don’t know what to do next month?! Thanks for reading and any thoughts you have!

These were my thoughts too. I'd actually be really disappointed in this response from anyone I considered a friend, much less my partner.

I would pay too - especially as you suffered no financial loss… it’s a decent and kind thing to do for someone you trust to care for your kids. I always think that relationship is always a bit more than transactional. X

This. Have a heart.

I'd be appalled if my partner had your husband's attitude.

How would you expect your employer/clients to treat you?

Just 2 days - let it go.

I had to go to hospital and ended up being off work 2 weeks. Two of my families paid me. I was so grateful I cried. I didn't have a lot of savings so it really helped

The woman looks after your children and from what I gather good childminders are hard to find. Who in their right minds would want to sour that relationship?

It wouldn’t cross my mind for a second to not pay her. Your husband is very unkind.

Pay her. It’s the decent thing to do.

Well done OP . You are doing the right thing . This is someone who has cared for 3 of your children. Good will goes a long way.

I agree OP did the right thing by paying anyway but, come on, what does this type of sensationalist daily mail clickbait style exaggeration achieve? OP has said literally nothing to indicate either that the childminder was young or that the death was premature, you've completely made that up!

Besides which, why would either of those things even be relevant?
The death of your parent is horrendous in most circumstances, it's still upsetting even if you're middle aged and they are elderly and the death wasn't unexpected.

Also, pedantic but you clearly do have words to express your view of the circumstances, you've used 24 of them....

Someone in a caring profession lost the person who cared for her the most.
Am aghast your husband would even think about , let alone not pay her for 2 days, under the cirumstances.
What has happened to human kindness, compassion and generosity in life, especially if you look for those traits in a caregiver for your children ?
Glad you did the right thing.

God, I’m dismayed by how many think you’re being reasonable (I assume to deduct). How depressing.

We paid our cleaner for the entire time she could not come due to Covid. 2-plus years in the end of £280 a month.

Because it was not her fault she could not come.

I would pay her.

God, I’m dismayed by how many think you’re being reasonable (I assume to deduct). How depressing.

Agreed.

but it is a business transaction? You’re providing a service and they are paying for it…

Wow he is a tight fucker isn't he.

I am self employed, and don’t expect my employers to pay me for any time taken - that includes bereavement and sickness.

The perks of being self employed do mean that sometimes you have to suck it up.

It sounds like you were able to make it work without having to organise and pay for additional childcare (so not paying twice) so I'd pay her. Sounds like you have a good relationship and it's good to have good will.

We had a similar situation years ago - childminder's family member had a life-changing accident and she had to close down her business to care for them. We let it go. Your husband can fuck off.

I would pay her without hesitation. She cares for your child and deserves to be paid.

I had this exact situation last month.

My childminder deducted the pay off the next invoice but I gave her the cash in a card.

Having lost my own mum, I didn’t want her to feel any unnecessary stress even if that comes with the territory of being self employed

Definitely. I would find this incredibly unattractive tbh. Generosity of spirit is really important to me.

Yes legally not paying would be fine, but it would say "I don't care about you, don't value you and you are not worth my time." In which case your child shouldn't be worth her time.