Childminder pay after bereavement

[familylifeishard]

Hi all, first time poster here so would appreciate your thoughts. Our childminders mum died last week so she didn’t work 2 of the 3 days my son goes there. No problem as I kept him at home whilst working. My question is, would you still pay her for those 2 days or let it go due to the bereavement. I feel awkward deducting the fees but DH says that the consequences of being self employed. She told me to take it off the monthly fee but I’d already paid it so don’t know what to do next month?! Thanks for reading and any thoughts you have!

I've often paid cleaners in similar personal crises but a CM is slightly different. They tend to work longer hours, charge a higher hourly rate (quite rightly) and have stricter contracts that specify the expectations on each side. It's also easy enough for me to replicate their services occasionally at no financial cost to myself.

I guess it depends how important she is to you. If you value the relationship and want to keep her then pay her. If she isn't that good and there are lots of alternative childcare alternatives around then withhold the money and prepare to be let go.

Do they? I got 3 days when my mum died and I had to work the morning of her funeral.
I would pay your childminder.

Agreed.

OP you should pay, the poor woman just lost her mum, not the time to be worrying about the bills too.

You mean a lower hourly rate don't you?

Self employed contractors charge £20/£30+ per hour. Childminders charge £4/£5/£6 etc.

I wouldn't even be debating this, I'd be paying her without a second thought.

What did he think of you paying your cleaner throughout the whole of covid? Since that was a lot more money.

He’s being a prick.

Wow.

DH is a prize. 😬

Depends on the contract and if there is give / take in the relationship. I would have to take unpaid days off work or my husband would as we have used our annual leave by this stage in the year. So 3 days of unpaid leave soon mounts up. We have toddler twins so getting work done would be nearly impossible

It was 2 days, not 2 weeks, I’d swallow that out of compassion (and because likely it would engender leniency or reliability to me)

We have only had the cleaner for a couple of months so no cost there. We also have a gardener and window cleaner that we treat at Christmas too so I couldn’t understand why DH was being awkward! He can be an idiot like that tbh….

I would pay (I don't have a childminder, but when a client cancelled at short notice recently because of a bereavement I didn't charge them) but it's not really a penalty, it's just not paying for a service you didn't receive.

To be honest, I don’t know! I remember filling out details for the kids but not what was in the contract. (I know!) I have paid her and even though she told me to knock it off, I don’t intend to. I value her too much ……

Covid proved that many people don’t pay, but it is morally wrong not to in my opinion. Especially if you weren’t out of pocket because you had to take leave from work.

when covid hit I still paid my child minder and I was the only parent who did. I had a contract with her and didn’t want her children going hungry any more than my own. She actually then said I didn’t need to as she had figured out finances and was ok, but it meant a lot to her that I cared about her too. My child minder went above and beyond for me many times after that. She held a space for my second child even before he was born because she wanted him instead of other children, offers extra days or to help with things like when we’re moving and what’s more I genuinely regard her as a friend.

I’m a childminder. My mum died unexpectedly recently. I had 2 weeks off. I let each family know the amount they needed to deduct from the following month’s fees. Out of 6 families, 2 deducted the fees, 2 deducted one week and 2 paid in full. I absolutely did not expect or even hope to be paid so was hugely grateful and appreciative that some did pay me and totally fine with those that didn’t.
I’m sure your childminder will be grateful you have paid her in full.

I would pay her no question.

Well from a purely humanitarian pov, its the right thing to do.

And from a practical pov, its the sensible thing to do. If you have a last minute meeting out of town (say) and ask her if she can help by having your son an extra day, she is far more likely to yes if she can. Dont pay her and you wont be in the wrong as she told you to deduct it, but she wont go out of her way for you will she?

You worked at home so are no worse off and the goodwill generated would personally offset the money for me - your husband sounds heartless

I would pay too!!
your DH is mean!

Of course i would pay her ! Your husbands sounds like a dick !

I would pay her for this tbh regardless of what the contract stated x

I’m with you - it’s two days and you haven’t had to pay for childcare elsewhere or lose income through not working yourself, so pay her out of compassion.

Apart from it being the decent thing to do, she’ll be grateful and more inclined to treat your child better, if your husband needs a more selfish reason.

youre husband is a tight arse poor woman

you said your other dc went there you soun like you like her and shes good at her job

I know you are going to pay her
Maybe you should point out to your dh that goodwill goes two ways.

@familylifeishard you’ve done the right thing by paying her

if it had cost you money/holiday entitlement then that might have been different

she's been with you and your 3 children for a time now, I’d buy her some flowers/chocs