Childminder pay after bereavement

[familylifeishard]

Hi all, first time poster here so would appreciate your thoughts. Our childminders mum died last week so she didn’t work 2 of the 3 days my son goes there. No problem as I kept him at home whilst working. My question is, would you still pay her for those 2 days or let it go due to the bereavement. I feel awkward deducting the fees but DH says that the consequences of being self employed. She told me to take it off the monthly fee but I’d already paid it so don’t know what to do next month?! Thanks for reading and any thoughts you have!

Good for you!

This is the person who cares on a regular basis for your precious dc. The poor woman has just lost her mum. There might not be any contractual obligation to pay for the days that were missed, but there is a moral one. It's the only decent thing to do. Your dh needs to give his head a good wobble.

Yeah, I pay a set amount each month so paid it anyway. It was after that she told me she meant to tell me to deduct it. I said it was ok and not to worry about it. I didn’t lose out on annual leave or childcare cost elsewhere as I can WFH all the time. I believe in kindness too and keeping up a good rapport with people who help my family

'My young Nanny's Mother has just died prematurely. How can I gouge her wages during what is probably the worst time of her life?'

I have no words.

I'd give you immediate notice. If your parent dies will you take 2 weeks off and expect her to still look after your children so you can have some 'head space'

I would consider whether I'd want to remain married to a man like that.

I would pay and wouldn't give it a second thought.

Your DH needs a kick up the arse…..who on earth behaves like that!

Would your DH have wanted her to look after your kids while reeling from a brand new bereavement? Possibly upset in front of them, distracted?

If the answer is no then he must surely see that not paying her isn’t fair.

Has your DH lost a parent yet?

Either way I'd be very upset to discover I was married to someone so heartless.

Wow. Cannot believe you even considered not paying. Your husband sounds like a catch; good choice of man there 🤨

I would pay as a message of support. I need my childminder and would hate for her to be short of money under these circumstances and then that to impact on my childcare needs. Mine has been a godsend for many, many years.

Agree with this

Honestly I despair sometimes
She is the woman that looks after your child week in week out, her mum has died and you want to deduct money from her wage. I'd be buying her flowers personally, not thinking of financially penalising her

I'd hope she would have factored things like this into her pricing/ contract etc but contract or no contract, take a good hard look at yourself. Really is it worth pocketing the money you have spent anyway??

If you can't think of any reason why you would build any care or kindness into this relationship I would go ahead and make you sure you only perform the bare contractual minimum you are obliged to

I'm a childminder and wouldn't charge- I'd take it off next month's invoice. I didn't charge when my Dad died a few years ago

Childminder has offered, so I would accept the offer and pay less next month.

You pay and chalk the money loss up to not being an awful human being.

Thank you!! On behalf of all women, who scrape together some semblance of an income that fits around their family and the structural inequalities of the male focussed workplace where women earn less for the same jobs than men, work fewer hours than men, occupy a higher proportion of low paid jobs than men, have longer periods without work than men and are more likely to end up in poverty in old age than men.

@LlynTegid heartless. It's right that she offered but only someone very cold (or desperate) would take them up on that.

Also if you do deduct, remember its a 2 way street, i wouldnt expect any favours (that you will Inevitably need over the years) in the future.

If this is the third one of your children she's looked after, you obviously value her so paying her the normal amount goes hand in hand with that. Your husband is being harsh.

She's lost her mother, this shouldn't even be a question. Pay her.

Pay her, but give your husband notice.

It’s a funny one. Child minders tend to prefer self employment, so that they can set their own terms and conditions. Part of that is knowing that if you are unable to work, there won’t be money coming in. For some parents, if they had to pay alternate child care or take unpaid leave from work, there simply wouldn’t be the funds to pay their usual childminder as well. As that wasn’t the case for you, and your childminder didn’t ’expect’ to be paid anyway, I would say you did the right thing.

Please pay her! A little kindness goes a long way!

I would 100% pay her, and drop her a bunch of nice flowers, her mums just died and she's facing questions about deducting money.

Can you imagine going back to work so soon after losing your mum? Poor woman