To not know whether the school are at fault in how they dealt with my 16 year old and 10 months old very academic but immature Autistic daughter after she acted out due to her disabilties.

[Battlehorse]

DD is an extremely bright 16 year old who obtained 9 grade 9 s at GCSE this year. However, despite being academically very able feel is emotionally immature for Sixth Form. This in no small part due to her autism, meaning at times she can exhibit emotional outbursts that can not be predicted or mitigated for.

The school my daughter attends is a girls grammar school which highlights achievements of its pupils in magazines, newsletters and in the local media . This meaning in August, the school took the obligatory pictures of their high attaining pupils getting their GCSE results and putting the pictures in the September/ October newsletter.

DD who is very unsure of herself or her self worth, viewed the newsletter online.
This caused her huge emotional distress which led to her swearing at the head of Sixth form and running out of school in a state of anguish. The school have told her to stay home until Thursday. DD called me on her phone outside the school premises to pick her up today.

I can't help thinking the school in printing her name and picture and encouraging her to take 4 A Levels have not taken in to account her learning disabilities. This totally against my wishes for her that she takes no more than 3 A Levels and also be allowed three years for her Sixth Form study.

The school have been aware of her Autism diagnosis since she was 13. However, due to her high academic ability she does not have an EHCP, though the school previously have acknowledged they have a duty of care. This being the reason why a unofficial two day stay at home notice has been given, rather than as a potential suspension sanction against her.

It sounds like your daughter has calmed down and reflected on what happened. I’d contact the school and ask for a chat so she can explain calmly and also apologise for swearing and storming out.

I don’t think they will change the A levels to 3 years though.

I don’t think the school can possibly have known she would react the way she did. Imagine if they had decided not to photograph her and include her in their publicity, despite presumably having all the correct permission forms in place, because she’s autistic?

Not in UK but from what I can gather 9 GCSE;s is good? So the learning difficulties, whatever they are have not affected her yet.
OT - but who refers to their teenager as 16yo and 10 months. I'm lucky I remember the exact date of their birthday, for months I'd have to start counting backwards from 12. It;s how you refer to an 18 month old.
I'm still uncertain what caused the "anguish".
Very confusing OP.

The jf the OPs daughter consented or wanted to be pictured, refusing to can be seen as discrimination or lead to a meltdown. The school can't win.

The OP literally said she was probably happy to have the photo taken..

There are quite rightly consequences for anyone swearing at a teacher.

It wouldn't be acceptable for an 8 year old with learning disabilities to swear at a teacher either.

Autistic children don’t respond to “consequences”
Not true. Some children with learning disabilities don’t understand consequences. But this isn’t a characteristic of autism.

It absolutely is the case for some children with autism. In PDA for example where behaviour patterns are driven by intense stress and anxiety, ‘consequences’ often do nothing but increase the behaviour- children are unable to regulate a panic attack even if they know they will get in trouble later, so they become more panicked and the behaviour escalates.

You need to rapidly start preparing your “16 years and 10 months” old daughter for the outside world.

The real world where in colleges or universities swearing at teaching staff will most certainly see you suspended.

Where swearing at an employer will see you get the sack.

Where beyond the legally mandated reasonable adjustment people will not be willing to walk on egg shells preempting her next outburst.

She will struggle socially to make friends.

You’re not doing your daughter any favours by blaming the school here and you need to start focusing on how your daughter is going to adjust to life beyond school.

I think it’s right she’s at home till Thursday. However you also need to inform them (rather then asking them) that your daughter will be dropping one A level if her choice due to autism linked overwhelm.

Having taught many children with varying SEN needs including ASD, getting sworn at occasionally is par for the course. Being told to fuck off when I’ve told someone it’s time to stop a particular activity, for example, is a common thing. I’m not offended, I don’t react with anger, I won’t melt!
When you’re dealing with young people, particularly teenage young people who have the added complication of puberty to deal with, then you get used to rolling with the ups and downs.
OP, I’d say your DD may find this school doesn’t meet her needs. It’s a grammar school, so will be full of high achieving students and high academic expectations hence the 4 A levels. They are not going to agree to her dropping one or completing them over 3 years. I would be looking at an alternative provision for her. Oh, and there’s no such thing as sending her home to calm down. She has been suspended and I would want all the relevant paperwork around that. They cant stop being accountable for their actions!

So what you’re saying here is that a person with a disability has to fit in around the rest of the world? Sounds ever so slightly discriminatory to me.

They cant stop being accountable for their actions!
What does that mean? The dd being accountable for her actions?
The school should be held accountable for not suspending a pupil who was verbally abusive to staff?

OP hope you’re OK. The nit picking about learning disabilities is just showing ignorance on here. There are disabling aspects of autism that can create huge barriers to learning and particularly going to school.

The simple fact of the matter is that yes she will. Universities and employers will do their best to accommodate under reasonable adjustment legislation but realistically beyond that they are not going to do much.

Academic staff at a university certainly won’t put up with being told to fuck off regardless of someone having autism.

An employer will absolutely fire someone on the spot for gross misconduct if they are told to fuck off.

Because as PP have said autism is not an excuse for treating people like shit.

Learning basic manners and common decency is not “fitting in around the rest of the world”

Well the rest of the world shouldnt have to tolerate being sworn at, no.

I'm autistic and so are most of my family and none of us feel that means we have a free pass to behave appallingly.

As autistic people make their way through life they also need to understand they will encounter other people with other vulnerabilities . My friend has severe PTSD and someone shouting and swearing at her would cause huge distress. She can certainly expect to be protected from that in the workplace

Did you not think parents of autistic spend a lot of time every day trying to prepare their children for the outside world. Autism is a protected disability for a reason.

Yes her mum will know she will struggle to make friends, most autistic people do, it’s part of the disability.

Did you not think parents of autistic spend a lot of time every day trying to prepare their children for the outside world. Autism is a protected disability for a reason.

Yes her mum will know she will struggle to make friends, most autistic people do, it’s part of the disability.

The OP isn’t doing her daughter any favours in preparing her for the outside world by blaming the school for this situation and not explaining to her daughter that she can’t treat people as she has.

Mhm not sure. Would Op's dd have sworn at a large, heavy masculine looking male teacher? Because the consequences of that are instinctively more dangerous than shouting abuse at female teachers.

Shouting abuse is unacceptable whether disabled or not. Why do your dd's needs trump the teachers need to feel save with her dignity intact?

If your dd can't behave, she is not in the right environment for her. Also, you focus a Loy on academic brightens but if your dd is not able to control her anger and aggression, those 9s aren't going to get her far.

Perhaps, scale it all down, talk to her about being a rounded individual.

My son sat his Alevels over 3 years without an EHCP, lots of kids do.

@Soontobe60 you may not personally mind being told to fuck off, but other people do. And personally I take the wellbeing of the staff I manage seriously, and I wouldn't just shrug off this sort of behaviour towards them with 'it's ok, don't worry, you won't melt'

Honestly swearing at a teacher is the least of the issues here. DD can apologise, in writing if that’s easier, then everyone can move on. Swearing at teachers is not OK but it was not so far as we know it was not accompanied with any aggression. Posters on here have obviously not been in many schools if they think this is a rare event.

Seems like the DD got panicked at a situation, some autistic kids with PDA traits for example can feel very stressed and pressured by praise and attention, and then the DD took flight. This would be the concern to me- DC getting so stressed they are leaving the school without permission. DC needs not being fully understood by the school.

As a parent I would be wanting the school to work with me to make sure there is somewhere staffed in school that is quiet and calm for overwhelmed kids to go to. It’s well known that DC with autism can take longer to attain emotional maturity or emotional resilience, not sure of the the right word for that. But chronological age appropriate expectations are unlikely to be in appropriate in some situations, and I would be wanting to try to get school to understand that within reasonable limits.

Hope your DD isn’t too stressed by this and thinking she is a bad person because of it any more OP. The key thing she needs not to lose is her confidence that school want her there and they want to help her do her best at school. Of course she’s not a bad person, she was out of her comfort zone unwittingly on her part and she was put there unwittingly on the part of the school. Hopefully she can see that it was a one off and move past this.

Those who think the child has a free pass to swear because of her autism and the world should accommodate that. ..

What about my child, with autism, who would find being sworn at incredibly distressing?

Whose autism trumps whose?

I think you're being unrealistic to think that any setting is going to be ok with your dd swearing at teachers.

This doesn't seem like an unreasonable punishment at all.

OP by the way it was really interesting what you said about the content of English literature course and the feedback from the teacher about your DD’s limitations. My DD had the same feedback from teachers.