To not know whether the school are at fault in how they dealt with my 16 year old and 10 months old very academic but immature Autistic daughter after she acted out due to her disabilties.

[Battlehorse]

DD is an extremely bright 16 year old who obtained 9 grade 9 s at GCSE this year. However, despite being academically very able feel is emotionally immature for Sixth Form. This in no small part due to her autism, meaning at times she can exhibit emotional outbursts that can not be predicted or mitigated for.

The school my daughter attends is a girls grammar school which highlights achievements of its pupils in magazines, newsletters and in the local media . This meaning in August, the school took the obligatory pictures of their high attaining pupils getting their GCSE results and putting the pictures in the September/ October newsletter.

DD who is very unsure of herself or her self worth, viewed the newsletter online.
This caused her huge emotional distress which led to her swearing at the head of Sixth form and running out of school in a state of anguish. The school have told her to stay home until Thursday. DD called me on her phone outside the school premises to pick her up today.

I can't help thinking the school in printing her name and picture and encouraging her to take 4 A Levels have not taken in to account her learning disabilities. This totally against my wishes for her that she takes no more than 3 A Levels and also be allowed three years for her Sixth Form study.

The school have been aware of her Autism diagnosis since she was 13. However, due to her high academic ability she does not have an EHCP, though the school previously have acknowledged they have a duty of care. This being the reason why a unofficial two day stay at home notice has been given, rather than as a potential suspension sanction against her.

DD does not have learning difficulties in the way that a pupil might struggle to get a grade 2 or 3 for instance. She does however have difficulties in understanding nuance and intentions in written work especially in English Literature. This has been noted by her current English teacher who suggested her first piece of A Level homework did not understand the nuance or intention of the characters.

This totally against my wishes for her that she takes no more than 3 A Levels and also be allowed three years for her Sixth Form study.

How was this communicated? Discussed prior to her entering sixth form? Does your DD want to do 4 A-levels over 2 years? Did you meet the head of sixth form?

I'm not sure why you think she needs 3 years to do a two year course of study when she managed 9 grade 9s at GCSE?

You said your daughter's outbursts cannot be predicted or mitigated so I'm not sure what else you thought the school should do. I don't think it's helpful to find fault with the school.

Your daughter may have difficulty with controlling her emotions but she will have to apologise to the teacher she swore at and you will have to find out what caused the outburst and help her develop strategies to avoid similar behaviour in the future.

unless you're saying autistic people literally can't control their behaviour?

@MimiGC Yes! There are many autistic people who literally can't control their behaviour. Did you genuinely not know this?

Media consent forms should only be signed by parents up to age 12. From 13 young people sign them themselves.

@Battlehorse the label learning disability has a very strict threshold of significant issues identified within cognitive and functional assessment. I would be very surprised if someone who was so academically able were to meet these criteria (in UK). However please tell me if I’m wrong.
The communication issues with a diagnosis of autism (which can be seen as a disability) can lead to learning difficulties. Sorry if I have misunderstood you.

This is very true and always has been.

Yet people insist on starting threads in AIBU rather than the relevant and therefore more helpful topics.

You need to work in tandem with the school on this. She's a bright girl - there's no reason why shouldn't sit her A levels over 2 years, and tbh I have never come across a school that would accommodate 3 years. Probably down to funding apart from anything else.

Does she want to do 3 or 4 A levels? In all honesty, she might as well do three, as most end up concentrating on 3 after AS.

@Runnerinthenight think you may have missed OP describing autistic DDs individual needs and the pre-established plan for a 3 yr course to meet these needs

Surely then English was an odd choice of a level?

You need to be encouraging your DD to adjust to cope with the world (this may or may not include hiding in a cupboard), not expecting the world to adjust to cope with her. Swearing at teachers is Not On. She needs consequences. Also, it's fine to insist she drops a 4th A level, but if the school can't offer the 3 year programme you're after, then you are going to have to change to a college that will.

It might be sensible if she has just started Alevels to drop English Literature if she has other talents, and this subject is problematic. Speaking as a lit grad, it would be a shame to drop it if she loves it, but she can foster a love of literature outside of an A-level course. By the time I'd done my degree, I just wanted to read fairly undemanding books for a long time.

Because DD is Autistic, it is possible that when the photograph was taken in August at results day she was fine with it and in a other world. She probably would not have given it a thought to whether it would be published at times, she lives in the minute at times. Obviously has she gets older and more experienced with life, coping skills will be acquired which will enable her to deal better with issues, which bring no threat to Neuro Typical people but a world of pain to the Neuro Diverse. My personal experience knows this takes time.

Regarding the Swearing at the teacher DD feels she is a dreadful person and over remorseful, this being the typical response from a lovely girl who can struggle emotionally at times.

She literally wrote 'her learning disabilities'

As she gets older..

This has been pointed out a number of times?

Did you specifically ask the school not to print her name and picture? Because if you did, I can see why you are upset. But if you didn't I'm not sure what you think the school could have done to pre-empt it. I know my (Autistic) daughter would be delighted at having hers printed and her achievements recognised!

To be honest, if this was me, I would be supporting the school's decision and talking to my daughter about appropriate ways to express herself. As well as getting to the bottom of what specifically the 'trigger' was, so it can be avoided in the future if possible. And maybe trying to talk to her to find out any new stresses she is finding with 6 Form.

We had quite a tumultuous year 7 with quite a few incidents I had to go into school for. I always supported the school in their decisions, even when they did seem a bit harsh. Because my daughter needs to know when her behaviour isn't acceptable and that I agree with the school. And actually they have given us so much support in so many ways that I am in sure is partly because I am always ready to work with them.

Hi Op,

I don’t have the time to go back and forth with mumsnet but I am assistant headteacher and SENDCO who oversees safeguarding, pastoral and behaviour in a secondary school and sixth form. If you what any advice please feel free to private message me :)

Which A levels is dd taking? Is English language the best one for her? Would she be best with one that didn't require her to look for nuance, eg a science subject?

Has the school agreed to your wishes to do three over three years?

My understanding is that it is unusual to do 4 (unless adding in further maths as a 4th) so why are the school seemingly insisting on it?

If you are certain that this is the right environment for her then you need an urgent school meeting to address these issues before it spirals.

3 over 2 years is probably a better option then trying to accommodate 4 over 3.

So teachers should be told to expect to be verbally abused but it's all OK?

No I didn't - I didn't see a pre-established plan for a 3 year course though? I didn't think that was a given, more a 'wish' on the OP's part? Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong though.

Have you spoken with your daughter about how she is coming to the end of her school “career” and outbursts like you’ve mentioned are more likely to be tolerated there than they will be in the real world? I appreciate she’s autistic but people going about their jobs don’t deserve to be abused and sworn at.

Why do you want her to do her A Levels over 3 years rather than 2? She seems like a bright and capable girl.

Could you not have told her in advance that she’d be in the newsletter? You must have given consent for her picture to be published at some stage, even if it was a while ago. Sounds like you were aware they publish details of high achievers every year.

At our kids’ school the photo consent form has to be signed by both the pupil and the parent (just did this last week, including for one in sixth form).