To not know whether the school are at fault in how they dealt with my 16 year old and 10 months old very academic but immature Autistic daughter after she acted out due to her disabilties.

[Battlehorse]

DD is an extremely bright 16 year old who obtained 9 grade 9 s at GCSE this year. However, despite being academically very able feel is emotionally immature for Sixth Form. This in no small part due to her autism, meaning at times she can exhibit emotional outbursts that can not be predicted or mitigated for.

The school my daughter attends is a girls grammar school which highlights achievements of its pupils in magazines, newsletters and in the local media . This meaning in August, the school took the obligatory pictures of their high attaining pupils getting their GCSE results and putting the pictures in the September/ October newsletter.

DD who is very unsure of herself or her self worth, viewed the newsletter online.
This caused her huge emotional distress which led to her swearing at the head of Sixth form and running out of school in a state of anguish. The school have told her to stay home until Thursday. DD called me on her phone outside the school premises to pick her up today.

I can't help thinking the school in printing her name and picture and encouraging her to take 4 A Levels have not taken in to account her learning disabilities. This totally against my wishes for her that she takes no more than 3 A Levels and also be allowed three years for her Sixth Form study.

The school have been aware of her Autism diagnosis since she was 13. However, due to her high academic ability she does not have an EHCP, though the school previously have acknowledged they have a duty of care. This being the reason why a unofficial two day stay at home notice has been given, rather than as a potential suspension sanction against her.

She's over 13 so needs to give her own permission for photos of her to be posted on social media. Parents can give blanket permission for younger children but 13+ should always be asked personally on a photo by photo basis. Or at least, that's the policy in the school I'm in. I think the school are at fault here and your daughter's outburst, while unfortunate, is not her fault. I don't think she should serve a sanction. The head of 6th form should meet with her, apologise for using her picture without permission and get an apology from her for swearing at her and leaving school in school hours.

@MimiGC did you miss the part where the OP repeatedly says her daughter has Autism? It's not a simple as just 'managing her emotions' when that is a fundamental part of her disability!

It's a bit like saying you're going to punish a wheelchair user for not being able to walk well.

She can't always manage her emotions well.

My son is autistic and with actual learning disabilities (GDD and dsylexia) and I would not stand for him swearing at teachers, it’s not ok,

I think the school have dealt with this well.

Author: Polly, 17
Topics mentioned: autism and mental health, friends
About: Polly explains her journey to a diagnosis of autism and shares tips for how to look after your mental health at school if you are autistic.

School can be a challenging place to manage for most people, and when you’re autistic it can be even harder. Growing up I always felt different, like an outsider; I didn’t understand imaginary games, I would get so confused when someone would tell me to do one thing but expect something entirely different, and the fire alarm would physically hurt and make my arms prickle.
In secondary school this got worse - everywhere was so big and noisy, friendships got more confusing and people started dating. I loved the routine of school, and the learning, but I couldn’t manage everything else. In Year 8, I would hide in the history cupboard because it was quiet, small and dark - in my mind, safe.

f you have to leave education, it’s not the end of the world. There are different routes into education and a multitude of opportunities in the job world. For example, a normal A-level programme is two years, but I am doing mine over three years to make it more manageable.
Autism isn’t a barrier and there are so many tips and tricks to help make your school days accessible.

I understand that it is unusual for A Levels to be taken over three years but it is not impossible.

The paragraphs are from Young Minds

Surviving School On The Autistic Spectrum | Blog | YoungMinds

Is that an unlawful exclusion?

Hell no! Nobody swears at me and goes unchallenged in this life

Fully agree

How is your DD now? Do you think her outburst was because she feels overwhelmed with the change from high school to sixth form and A levels? Do you think the newsletter was the trigger?
I don't think the school handled it badly - it's unacceptable to have children swearing at teachers. I would talk to her and try to get to the bottom of it.

If she is wants to have a successful adult life with a career and relationships then yes she does need to.
Autism isn't a free pass to treat people with disrespect.

(I and most of my family have autism)

To answer your question - no, the school are not at fault.

@notanothernamechange24 No, I didn't miss it, I said that, at nearly 17, she needs to learn to control herself. Not be perfect at it yet, but this could be part of the process of her learning. It's not all at like saying that a wheelchair user should learn to walk- unless you're saying autistic people literally can't control their behaviour?

@BBattlehorse

They've decided not to call it a suspension, not for your daughter's benefit but because they know they'd be hauled over the coals if you went to the governors because it would be an illegal suspension/disability discrimination.

They will now play it as, they've made a suggestion and you've agreed.

www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/education/exclusions/exclusion-england/suspension

No but reasonable consequences for swearing at a teacher.

I agree, and as a wheelchair user I found that comment weirdly unsettling.

Using a wheelchair doesn't affect or cause distress in others, not is it disrespectful or abusive to use a wheelchair

Swearing at people is rude, and can be abusive or cause huge distress.

The two aren't remotely analogous

@MimiGC it seems you do not completely understand female presentation autism. It can mean that an individual is unable to behave with neurotypical emotional control. As autism is a developmental delay some skills may be learnt over a lifetime, some may not. Everyone is individual
It’s the equivalent of saying because you posted about autism without understanding it you should be suspended from mumsnet. That would be unfair. The situation should just be explained to you with compassion.

@Battlehorse was it the photo which caused distress? Or was it the mention by school of doing 4 A’levels when you DD had agreed to do 3? If it’s the change in number of A levels then any staff who know your daughter should surely have understood that change would cause her distress.

Then the DD needs other strategies for when she loses emotional control than swearing at people. Fidgets, calm space, screwing up or ripping paper, a safe member of staff, a punch bag (literally) are all possible options and strategies. Amongst many others.

If it was bad enough for her to need to be sent home, I guess it wasn't just a one off swear but ongoing language in the outburst.

I'm fully aware that Autism is not a free pass for difficult traits to be exploited. This having grown up with the full non diagnosed set of Autistic disabilities and co related issues of social maturity in the less accepting times of the 1980's.

It looks like OP mistook the words as her DD clearly doesn’t fit the criteria of learning disability but is likely to have learning difficulties

Ableism all over the place … from people with zero experience of having an ASD teenage girl.

Hello OP, my 18 year old daughter had ASD, it was a late diagnosis, and before we started to get help she would become overwhelmed, and sweary, and violent - bad times.

She had EBSA, and anxiety, all related to late diagnosis.

..so .. we requested an EHCP, directly to the council (which we knew we wouldn’t get as she was academically very bright). What did happen though, as part of that decision making is that we saw an Ed Psych, who wrote up what was needed from college. I then used that with the Student Support team at the college so we could work out a plan for her.

College has been a far better environment than school, they are more flexible, they don’t get so stressed if she needs a day off, we have a plan so she can leave if she feels overwhelmed, and walks round with her headphones on.

The place she is at needs to have a plan in place, need to understand what makes her feel overwhelmed, and what needs to happen if that happens.

TBH - they could do with reading up Disability Discrimination, and understanding what their responsibilities are. An urgent meeting with pastoral support.

I am sorry I am not sure what your complaint is. Your DD behaved unacceptably towards a staff member and now has to face the consequences of her actions. It's good for her to learn actions have consequences in school rather than work setting. The school can't teach a 2 year course over 3 years to accommodate one child. This is all said as the parent of an autistic/severe ADHD 12 year old. If he swore at school staff I would be letting them deal with him as it's important he learns it's not acceptable behaviour which nobody is going to tolerate.

I understand your DD struggles but swearing at a teacher is unacceptable end of. She needs to know that.

Clearly so many posters on here have no clue about autism!
Go do your research before posting advise!!

I'm no expert, but I think an "unofficial stay at home notice" is an unlawful exclusion? Perhaps someone will come along on the thread who can shed more light, but -

"Statutory guidance states that informal or unofficial exclusions, such as sending pupils home to “cool off” are unlawful regardless of whether they occur with the agreement of parents or carers."

https://www.childrenslegalcentre.com/lawful-unlawful-exclusions/

Did you sign a photo consent form? If you did then they’ve done nothing wrong.
i am likely autistic and I really hate my photo being published or people looking at me for a long time (eg public speaking).
if you know your daughter would not like a photo taken or used in school
publications then the photo consent form is your way of ensuring she doesn’t suffer any anguish.
i am really sorry she is going through this. Many NT people will just not understand how difficult it is when this happens.
if you didn’t sign the consent form then this should be taken into consideration by the school.

This!
It’s complex. Every neurotypical has different strengths and weaknesses. Every neurodivergent person has different strengths and weaknesses, but share elements of the diagnostic criteria. Don’t feel ashamed about needing more info, it’s natural and a huge area. Just understand you may not understand.