To not know whether the school are at fault in how they dealt with my 16 year old and 10 months old very academic but immature Autistic daughter after she acted out due to her disabilties.

[Battlehorse]

DD is an extremely bright 16 year old who obtained 9 grade 9 s at GCSE this year. However, despite being academically very able feel is emotionally immature for Sixth Form. This in no small part due to her autism, meaning at times she can exhibit emotional outbursts that can not be predicted or mitigated for.

The school my daughter attends is a girls grammar school which highlights achievements of its pupils in magazines, newsletters and in the local media . This meaning in August, the school took the obligatory pictures of their high attaining pupils getting their GCSE results and putting the pictures in the September/ October newsletter.

DD who is very unsure of herself or her self worth, viewed the newsletter online.
This caused her huge emotional distress which led to her swearing at the head of Sixth form and running out of school in a state of anguish. The school have told her to stay home until Thursday. DD called me on her phone outside the school premises to pick her up today.

I can't help thinking the school in printing her name and picture and encouraging her to take 4 A Levels have not taken in to account her learning disabilities. This totally against my wishes for her that she takes no more than 3 A Levels and also be allowed three years for her Sixth Form study.

The school have been aware of her Autism diagnosis since she was 13. However, due to her high academic ability she does not have an EHCP, though the school previously have acknowledged they have a duty of care. This being the reason why a unofficial two day stay at home notice has been given, rather than as a potential suspension sanction against her.

For the school magazine and newsletter, it was only photos of the high achievers! Talk about exclusion, feel more concerned on how that made the other students feel, apparently they weren’t good enough to make it into the magazine!!

Most adults (especially teachers who, on the whole, like and understand children) can deal with being shouted at (and yes, even sworn at) by a distressed young person who will be upset and remorseful about their behaviour afterwards but are unable to control it in that moment. That's not being verbally abused, it's being in the way of a meltdown. It happens. We don't fall apart over it and we don't hold grudges against ND teenagers. Or any upset teenager to be fair.

Verbal abuse by a disrespectful, rude young person who is in control of their actions - totally different and not to be tolerated.

This.
i was only diagnosed as an adult but I went from being teachers pet and getting good grades at GCSE to A levels being a complete disaster.
Around that age meltdowns were very hard to control and I did some things I wasn’t proud of - but I also had to accept responsibility for my actions and make apologies where they were due. That seems reasonable.
I hope your daughter manages to de-compress and get back to sixth form ok on Thursday

This is a clumsy joke, right?
Never can tell on MN with some warped views of the world!

It was ever thus! Over 40 years ago, I was in a photo with our school principal and the others who had achieved the best 'A' level results in the school, that was published in the local paper!

What do you think she should do about swearing at the hapless teacher. Are you going to make her apologise because of course she should. How dare she use foul language to someone who has tried to help her.

She shouldn't be allowed back until she has-cursing because a picture that she was happy to have taken was published. What a bloody liberty.

She has behaved disgracefully and as long as you shimmy shammy about making excuses, so are you. Teachers aren't there to be abused and if she can't go to school without doing that, keep her at home.

Also, what's all this with 16 years and 10 months. Do you mean she is nearly 17 or are you actually giving her age as if she were a toddler.

Exactly! I agree. A school that only wants to celebrate and show off top gcse grades aren’t particularly bothered about the nuanced and finer character traits that the op is seeking. That said, no child’s SEND mean school rules don’t apply to them. Abusive and aggressive outbursts toward staff cannot be ignored.

Staff have the right to not have students swear at them. Autism isn't a free pass to be verbally aggressive to others

But disabled pupils have a right to reasonable adjustments. In OP's daughter's case, that includes not being photographed when they know it will cause her severe distress. In circumstances when they have not made those adjustments, they have to make further adjustments for the result of that failure, including not punishing the disabled young person.

Op says her daughter was probably quite happy to be photographed at the time though. This isn't a case where she was photographed without consent or against her wishes

@JaneEyreLaughing, your lack of understanding of autism and basic equality rights is seriously depressing. Where has anyone said OP's daughter was happy to have her photo published? How were the staff helping her if they published that photo knowing she would be very distressed by it? If a school fails to make reasonable adjustments for disability, it should not be punishing disabled pupils for reactions to that which are a direct result of their disability.

I think you will have to work with the school on this one to get the outcome you want. Going in guns blazing when your daughter has been verbally aggressive to a staff member is not going to set her up for success in the future.

Did the school genuinely know that was going to be the result of the photograph or is that an assumption because you are with her every day. Was it documented that she didn't want her photo to be published? What did she think they would do with the photograph? How would she have responded if she wasn't photographed with the other high achievers because of her disability?

As she has behaved in this way it implies that she has lost trust in the school to accomodate her needs. Maybe she could have a year out away from education, to decide what she wants and whether this could be possible.

She also says "I can't help thinking the school in printing her name and picture and encouraging her to take 4 A Levels have not taken in to account her learning disabilities."

I would assume that the author of that quote is attending a specialist autism unit or similar - whether a unit within a mainstream school or a specialist school/college. The specialist school the autistic son of a friend attends is the only place I've heard that allows three year a-level courses. That also fits with her saying 'if you have to leave education' suggesting she's gone somewhere other than the mainstream school she was originally in. Most schools will not be able to facilitate that, so yabu to expect that and if you wanted that you would have looked into places which can facilitate it before she finished her GCSEs.

I also think you're being unreasonable about the photo, if she consented and you've never withdrawn consent from her pictures being used i.e. neither you nor she have identified her photo being used as a trigger, then how can you expect the school to have identified it as a trigger?

Yanbu though about 3 Vs 4 a-levels. Though in my experience schools can suggest pupils drop a subject after a term if they're struggling with 4/ a specific subject so you may find that actually starting with 4 gives her options, then after a term she can make an informed decision about which subject she should drop i.e. if she's really going to struggle with English Lit then she can drop that. Though if one subject is obviously her weakest and it's already affecting her mental health I think you'd be reasonable to push to drop it sooner - although you haven't said what your dd's preference is re 4 Vs 3 a-levels.

My DD is classed as having a learning difficulty because after the age of 5 she still has “ global development delay “ so has now been relabelled as a LD. She also has has autism and a language disorder.
she however is not behind at school.

Autistic children don’t respond to “consequences”. They can’t associate what they have done with the consequence.
Autism causes a loss of control and inability to think straight when distressed. Autism also causes children to be cognitively and emotionally behind their peers, usually substantially, which means the OP’s daughter could be mentally 8. would you have expected a child at 8 who can’t control themselves to handle this situation like an adult? I don’t think so. The OP’s child will also know more adult language because she has been on the earth longer.

I’m very confused… your daughter took the picture willingly and then reacted badly when published. You want to change the school system to suit her. She knows swearing at the teacher was the wrong thing to do, but you aren’t happy with the punishment.

What are you looking for OP? And I’m asking in a very non snarky way as I’ve read your posts and don’t understand what you are after.

If she got 9 grade 9’s then she doesn’t have a learning disability and should be well capable of 4 A levels. A learning disability is classed as an IQ below 70 as far as I know. Autism isn’t a learning disability in itself.

She swore at staff she needs to face the consequences of that, and it doesn’t really matter about your wishes, it matters what your daughter wants. Her next steps are between her and her teachers. You want 3 years of A level study? Seems over the top to me and could definitely be seen as an unfair advantage if no one else is doing that.

Do you think she may have felt obliged to have her photograph taken on results day? She wanted to say no but couldn't express this to whoever took the picture? I can understand how overwhelming it can be, especially being autistic as well. Can you speak to school & get an assurance that they won't take any more pictures of her, it may help her feel calmer when she goes back, I know at that age ds would have run a mile if he had been forced into having his picture taken & been the centre of attention like that, maybe ask if everything can be more low key to allow her to be more comfortable in school.

A learning difficulty and a learning disability are not interchangeable, a disability implies a more profound effect on the person. In order to have a learning disability, someone needs an IQ of 70 or under.

So she's chosen to do one of her 4 A levels in a subject where the 'learning disability' she experiences manifests itself is most obviously.....🤔 And you let her make that choice. 🙄

@coruscations It's ridiculous to say that the school staff "published the photo knowing she would be very distressed by it" How on earth would they know that? If the OP knows photos are a huge trigger she should have informed the school officially and had DD's records noted, quite obviously she hasn't done this. It would seem the outburst has taken everyone by surprise - the school staff are not magically able to predict an outcome that even the OP didn't see coming.

All the more reason she should do it. She might actually learn something. Either way, I wouldn't fancy my chances trying to dictate an autistic teenager's A-level choices.

You have sent your child to a grammar school. Therefore you have chosen a very academic school that will be quite high pressured (that is why people send their children to them). You will have had lots of opportunity to discuss your child’s A level choices with them and with the school. Even if it is the school policy for all children to take 4 A-levels, they are very likely to make exceptions for the sake of a child’s mental health, especially if they have an autism diagnosis, but you will need to communicate with them about your concerns. They may not be able to have children for 3 years at Alevel. Schools have to apply to be able to take older pupils and a lot will not do this.

The photo situation sounds unfortunate but I’m not sure anyone could predict that, including you. The law is not necessarily the same for exclusions post 16.

Your daughter abused staff members. Autistic or not she needs to learn how entirely unacceptable that is.