Having I fucked up the sex talk?

[TheSmartestGiantInTown1]

Today my 6 year old asked me how a man's seed gets into a woman's tummy (I have told him previously that babies are made from an egg and seed). His 4 year sister was listening at the time. My Mum was a HCP so very frank and no nonsense about anything body related, so I was always of the opinion it was best to answer questions honestly but without lots of unnecessary detail. I therefore explained that a man puts his penis inside a woman's vagina, the seed goes into a woman's womb, and meets the egg there. My daughter asked where the babies came out, I said the vagina. They looked mildly surprised and the conversation moved on.

I'd never discussed this with DH and he is horrified- I now see that we should have discussed our approach to this inevitable question long ago. He says I've stolen their innocence, and they'll never see the world the same way again. Honestly they didn't seem that bothered- there was a lot more questions when I had to explain a family member died. However now I feel horrible. Have I totally fucked this up? DH said I should have said that people have a special cuddle.

Your husband is weird.

I find talk of special cuddles repulsive and open to lots of confusion.

Best friend is pregnant. Around 6 months ds started talking about how exciting it is going to be when the baby comes out of her mouth!

So, we had told the children (4 year old besties) that the baby was in bfs tummy. Things get from your mouth to your tummy so logically that's how they had decided the baby was going to come out.

We sat them down and told them where the baby really was, how it got there, where it's coming out etc. They shrugged and ran off shouting "vagina baby".

We probably should have waited until after music with mummy!

I ex0lained to my daighter in a similar way when she was the same age, OP. My sister in law was pregnant with my niece and she said, "I know how the baby gets out but how does it get in there?"

So I told her.

It's not stealing anyone's innocence because it's not a Bad Thing.

DH said I should have said that people have a special cuddle

I had a friend who was terrified of hugging anyone in primary school in case she ended up with a baby inside her because of the 'special cuddle'. She had no idea what it meant so if someone in her family asked her if she wanted a cuddle, she thought she'd have a baby.

Best to be factual in an age appropriate way in my view.

What?

Did you have an immaculate conception?

Stolen their innocence? 🤣 by telling them biological facts in an age appropriate way?

I was like you op, answered questions openly and honestly, and as such my teens and adult kids have always come to me with anything they need help with or didn't understand, rather than getting their information elsewhere.

There have been some surprising questions over the years for sure (and I still have 2 under 10 as well so likely to be more) but it's great that they know they can ask you a question and you'll tell the truth.

Sex in the dark under the covers only. Needless to say it was crap!!
Possibly made clear when we divorced and he had a fling with my new landlord..
Keith.

Trying with laughter at “a special cuddle”. OP your approach was perfect.

What’s the 80’s got to do with it?

My Dd was born early 90’s. I had same conversations with him.

Thank you all so much, I feel much better. I was so worried I had just completely messed this up. Its good to know that others have taken a similar approach.

He says I've stolen their innocence

Is he a Daily Mail headline-writer?

Yes realism! My 6 year old son asked if we could see a baby being born so I let him watch a video of a real uncensored birth from YouTube. It's just life! Periods too, normalise normal!

Weirdly my DH had the same opinion when I told my then 6 year old the same thing (& got a similar response). My DH isn't usually prudish or anything like that so I was surprised by his reaction.

I told him to get over it as I'd always be honest with them in an age appropriate way & funnily enough, I'm the one my teenage boys speak to about sex and not their dad.

My mum didn't tell me a thing about any of it (including periods) so I grew up with all sorts of misinformation and swore I'd always be honest with the kids (in an age appropriate way of course)

I never discussed this with DH either, we both always tended to answer our children’s questions factually in age appropriate language. That way there’s no big mystery, no having to ‘have the talk’, etc. How would your DH have answered the question?

What innocence have you stolen ?? Nonsense!

A special cuddle - the absolute cringiness of that!

Didn’t quite expect that ending. But perhaps Keith did.

Hopefully you’ve had some better post divorce sex.

Nothing wrong with what you said. Matter of fact. My son asked at a similar age. I told him, he didn't believe me 😂 but it was the start of honest dialogue about an important subject as the grow and ask questions.

This is completely fine. I saw all of my siblings being born. It was totally normalised and I had no issue or trauma from it at all. I also knew about sex from a fairly young age, didn't think much of it, lost my virginity at age 19 (some people think that knowing how sex happens make children immediately want to do it!). You're fine OP.

Most definitely have.....

I read my children a book called Mummy Laid an Egg, it can be found on youtube, it is hilarious and factual. I think Ds1 was 4 and his brother was 1. I had had a c section for Ds2 so didn't want him confused about how a baby exits the womb.

Knowing how babies are made early on means they don't remember being told, it is just a fact about bodies, these are your toes, that is your penis but we might call it your willy. Knowing the anatomical names like vulva and vagina means there is no ambiguity for any abuse situations God forbid.

A special cuddle!! 😱

not at all, you did exactly the right thing.

DH needs to be told his approach is well outdated and the children will ask loads more questions about all kinds of things you could fib them off about, but if they are old enough to ask, they deserve an age appropriate explanation. Special cuddle I suppose is an explanation, but wayyyyy too young.

stay on top (ha ha) of this, god knows what else he'll tell them. They BOTH need to learn about periods and cycles etc.

Glad you got in there first, OP. Saying special cuddle is grim.

My dh is like this. He said something similar when I told dd the proper name for hers and her brother's privates. She was about 6 then as well. If I’d said what you said he’d probably have fainted. I have held off on telling dd about penises going into vaginas until only recently. She’s ten now and it went very badly. She was totally horrified and upset by it so maybe I should have told her younger and she’d be less bothered now! I don’t think what you’ve done is wrong at all

I think you did the right thing. My mum told me the same as you when I was 4 and it helped me have the facts straight right from the beginning, no myths, no lying

Echo this as a good book. Also "Where Willy went" a sperm in the great swimming race. Son v gratified as he smugly announced "My sperm won"!

Explaining a blow job was much harder!