Having I fucked up the sex talk?

[TheSmartestGiantInTown1]

Today my 6 year old asked me how a man's seed gets into a woman's tummy (I have told him previously that babies are made from an egg and seed). His 4 year sister was listening at the time. My Mum was a HCP so very frank and no nonsense about anything body related, so I was always of the opinion it was best to answer questions honestly but without lots of unnecessary detail. I therefore explained that a man puts his penis inside a woman's vagina, the seed goes into a woman's womb, and meets the egg there. My daughter asked where the babies came out, I said the vagina. They looked mildly surprised and the conversation moved on.

I'd never discussed this with DH and he is horrified- I now see that we should have discussed our approach to this inevitable question long ago. He says I've stolen their innocence, and they'll never see the world the same way again. Honestly they didn't seem that bothered- there was a lot more questions when I had to explain a family member died. However now I feel horrible. Have I totally fucked this up? DH said I should have said that people have a special cuddle.

All children that grow up on farms know this from a very young age and it doesn't do them any harm. I was flabbergasted when I moved from my small village primary school to one in a town and classmates had no idea 😂

Dollshousedolly if her children share what they know in school, parents quite rightly will be up n arms, It is every parents right to share this information how they choose to themselves

I suspect the concept of you eating a seed and growing them in your tummy will have upset them considerably more. The poor things are probably worrying every time they eat something like strawberries that are covered in seeds, to say nothing of the mental picture they have of the baby jostling for space beside all the food that is also in your stomach. And they'll be a laughing stock in school if they repeat what you told them.

I explained to DS when he was 4, and asked some questions, that he came from an egg in my tummy and came out of my "bits" and that's why I don't have a willy. He is nearly 6 so I expect he'll soon ask what exactly the dad's involvement is and I shall tell him!

Why would they be up in arms for answering a question about the human body? A factual one?

When I was about eight a 'big' girl around the corner to me told me and another girl that having a baby was caused by 'a man putting his oojamaflip into the same place only on a lady'. It sort of made sense to me because I seen a couple of little boys were different, when I was very small, and I actually tried to pee like a little boy and made a dreadful mess!

Anyway one afternoon I was at my aunt's house, her daughter and husband were there with his sister and her children, one of whom was little boy of my age. We were playing under the table. I gave him the information about how to have a baby and then asked if he would like to do it. He looked very scared and said, "No".

I knew nothing about sex, eg that it was 'nice', I thought it was just something technical that people did to have a baby.

Many years later, when I was a married woman and a mother, we were sat opposite each other at a family wedding. I remembered that - and hoped he didn't!

Op you explained things very well to your child. I wish I had been given such an explanation from my mother. She told me nothing which was not uncommon back then (I'm in my seventies). I explained things quite well to mine.

I think if a child asks you the question you have to tell them the truth, in an age appropriate way - which is what you did OP. Well done! It really won't do them any harm. I think the 'special cuddle' thing is a) way too vague and b) easily misinterpreted by a child!

A poor girl in our infant/junior class {long before internet} knew some really strange stuff that we just couldn't fathom.

We just didn't believe her. {Not going to repeat here what she said over the years}

But years later, I realised that the poor girl was undoubtedly being horrendously abused in the worst possible way.

I just hope she got justice, as an adult- but I fear she may have been someone to get embroiled in abusive relationships. Still think of her and hope she is OK

Oh this is funny! How 100% typical

‘should have been properly embarrassed like all the other mums’ 🤣🤣🤣

You did a great job. It should be with the same tone and same level of detail as if you were describing how a steam engine works.

You’ve done the right thing! As a children’s social worker, children need to know the facts with the right language so that they understand how to keep themselves safe.aye direct your husband to www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/support-for-parents/pants-underwear-rule/

A man's "seed" is a bit of a creepy way to describe sperm. Very Wickerman or high cult religion. Reminds of the sort of language that you'd expect a puritanical slightly strange controlling parent to use ina horror film.
"and then his staff will enter her and spill his seed" type language.

I totally agree with being matter of fact with children and using correct biological language. Stops adults growing up all fearful and embarrassed about using correct language - men who talk about 'on the boob" instead of breast feeding types.

Na, you did the right thing. I tried to be frank with our DC, but must have been too vague. I still remember my eldest DD asking with wide eyed innocence ‘but how did the seed get in your tummy? Did you swallow it?’.

Still laughing about it 10 years later!

@Coruscations

’The poor things are probably worrying every time they eat something like strawberries that are covered in seeds, to say nothing of the mental picture they have of the baby jostling for space beside all the food that is also in your stomach.’

🤣🤣🤣 What on earth are you on about?

And they'll be a laughing stock in school if they repeat what you told them.

Yes, I’m sure all the other 5 year olds are going to laugh mercifully at their lack of sex knowledge… or not.

I'm a big fan of always answering a question when it is asked but not giving any extra information, wait for the next question if necessary. You were asked and answered in an age appropriate way, I think that is absolutely fine. Dh is being silly here.

Special cuddle is ick. Your response was spot on.

We went to Chester zoo nearly every weekend with our children growing up. The animals did a good job opening up the making babies topic with demonstrations too 🤣.

I've had a glass of wine, so here is a hopefully appropriate and relevant joke:

A 6yo girl goes up to her Dad one evening and says "Daddy, what's sex?".

Now, unlike the OP and her DH, Mum and Dad had made a plan for this day, although they hadn't expected it quite so young. And the plan was to explain everything, which Dad proceeds to do. Over the next few minutes the girl's eyes get wider and wider.

Finally Dad decides that one or two things can in fact wait until another time. He stops, and asks his daughter, "So what made you want to ask about sex?"

And she replies, "Mummy said to tell you that dinner will be ready in a couple of secs".

They don’t know what a vagina is and will just accept your matter of fact explanation.

You absolutely did it right. The only thing I'd alter is that I try not to make sex sound like a man's action, i.e. rather than "the man puts his penis into the woman's vagina," I'd say something like, "a woman and a man slot her vagina and his penis together."
Actually, with my DC,I said, "the woman slots her vagina over the man's penis."

Might sound clumsy, but it's really, really important not to make sex sound like something a man does to a woman.

Nothing wrong with what you have said in my opinion.

6 is quite old, by the way. My DC was 3 or 4. I had a book explaining it with diagrams when I was 5.

''The penis had some kind of metal spring inside of it!'' 🤣

As a child, I had one of those spring joke snakes that leapt out off a mustard jar - I remember a male {adult} relative giggling about it one Christmas tea time- only now do I know why he was laughing

You did the right thing imo.

It’s best that you tell them rather than another kid at school or the internet.

I would have given them the same explanation and answered any follow up questions that they had. The sex talk is a series of conversations rather than just one chat ime and knowing doesn’t ruin their innocence 😂

But do they not teach it until year 5 because that is the best time or because they are balancing the best time against what they can get away with because some parents have the bizarre notion that to a young child the mechanics of sex are any different to the mechanics of digestion or blood circulation?

If I’d left it until year 5 to talk about it my DS would probably never have let me have the conversation at all, as by then he’d gotten the notion from society that as his genitals had to be hidden, because they were private parts, then it was also embarrassing to talk about it (autistic with rather black and white thinking). As it was we covered sex, conception (in great detail - YouTube videos of sperms meeting eggs were a big hit), birth, periods, puberty, erections (as young boys have them a lot) and probably much more all before he started school.