Why is mumsnet so sexist?

[Lovefromjuliaxo]

Been on here a few months, and while it’s nice to see women sticking up for woman, it’s crazy how sexist some people are on here. I’ve seen threads telling a women to leave her partners name off the BC as revenge because he’s cheated, I’ve seen posts saying “not surprised about huw Edward’s, no men can control themselves” and other numerous anti male threads and posts.

im a female for reference.

curious to see peoples opinions

YABU- it’s not constantly sexist on here
YANBU- it is constantly sexist on here

I am very sorry that you & your partner have had to deal with an abusive woman. But I have to say that I do not recall a single unchallenged MN post advocating that a woman use her children as weapons against the father. Yes I have seen several posters suggesting leaving the father off the BC; but that is in circumstances where the father has shown himself to be untrustworthy or abusive, and his having parental rights is likely to be used by him to torment the mother; ie it would be in the children's best interest to leave him off.

And I don't agree that people speak solely from their own experiences; most people understand that their experience is only one perspective and let it inform, rather than dictate, their view.

Actually multiple are just saying sexist discriminatory comments towards men, that is sexism.

It's not sexist to call out shite behaviour. There is bias on MN that's not because of sexism, it's because people are less likely to post about wonderful men. More likely to post about awful, strange and sometimes baffling behaviour. Therefore the responses are what they are. I look forward to the time where there are less vituperative posts because then society would have changed, men would be actually living their lives as fully formed humans, taking responsibility and playing their part. Also women would have stopped enabling them to be so, well, useless.

"so it does rile me when I see posts encouraging women to use their kids as weapons against the father"

One of the great Myths of Mumsnet this. I have never seen this happen unchallenged. I will believe it when I see links.

Ohhh yes, Misandry is rampant on here. Probably because a lot of women accept and make very poor choices in men then are posting here about their terrible behaviour. Never mind the millions of men NOT being posted about because they are decent, good, normal men who are great husbands and fathers, certainly not rapists and sex offenders. Express this view however and you'll be told you're misogynistic! Lots of women on here just hate men. Sad, really.

@Bbq1 "Lots of women on here just hate men"

You know that's rubbish, don't you?

I don't agree with this. It is not true that 'misandry is rampant' on MN; what is 'sad, really' is that so many men (no not all of them) evidently hate women so much.

To say that 'a lot of women accept and make very poor choices in men' comes perilously close to excusing the terrible behaviour from those men....the usual refrain that this is just what men are like, they can't be expected to change and it is up to women to take whatever precautions they need to.

Most of us do know that many men are not like this - that is how we know that as a sex they are capable of better. Maybe the real misandrists are those who think they aren't?

The 'sad, really' truth is that far far too many of them are like this. Look to the rates of violence against women and girls. Look to the numbers of men who engage in sexual assaults against women (Gisele Pelicot's husband seemed to have no difficulty finding dozens to abuse his wife). Look to the billions of profit generated by the porn industry (is it really just a small minority of men who access misogynistic porn? Based on the profits I don't think so).

All this doesnt make me misandristic; just very sad and disappointed. As well as scared.

Quite frankly, no. They do.

I'm not excusing men. Men who are poor partners and fathers are awful but they won't change if they don't want to. I would expect women (and men) to choose their partners more wisely. Maybe some women should be educated on valuing their self worth and how to spot a potentially bad partner, rather than just settling for anyone who comes along. Better that than meeting a random man, getting pregnant immediately and then finding out he's dreadful.

@Bbq1 what you are doing is called "victim blaming" You can't say "men who are poor partners and fathers are awful" and then say "it's women's fault for choosing them"!

I'm not saying it is womens fault at all. Both men and women surely have a personal responsibility to guard against starting relationships with people waving red flags? Too many women and nen ignore them and attempt to establish a relationship. Surely, seeing they are difficult is the time to leave?

@Bbq1 " Both men and women surely have a personal responsibility to guard against starting relationships with people waving red flags?"

Don't both men and women have a personal responsibility not to wave red flags?

It is true that both men and women have this responsibility. But some people are very good at hiding their red flags until their partners are heavily invested in their relationships. Their true colours come out only later; for women that is often when they are vulnerable, in ways specific to women - pregnancy, small children & the consequent impact on their career. For these reasons (and even more so if the man is abusive) in practice it can be very difficult for women to leave.

I have to say that I am irritated to say the least, at the accusation of misandry by some users of MN - one of the limited places where women feel free to talk about how some men treat them.

Of course but unfortunately nobody has the power to make those people take responsibility/change so surely the best idea is to avoid them when they show signs. There have always been a good and bad people in the world and sadly there always will be the bad because that's life. Not getting involved with them is surely the most obvious idea.

Its absolutely a good idea to not get involved with a bad person. But I'm not sure why that means that women should stop talking about poor male behaviour on MN. Surely the more we discuss it the more we shine a light on it and the easier it will be to recognise and avoid it? This thread is suggesting there is too much negativity about men on here and the OP and others seem to want to silence women discussing problem behaviour by NAMALTing, victim blaming and hyperbolic accusations of misandry. I'd have thought discussion was exactly what was needed to help women avoid it.

I find the assumption on MN that men have it easy isn't true for the majority of men in the UK. The news tonight had an item about the fact that more men in the UK were dying of prostate cancer than women from breast cancer. It only takes a simple blood test ( PSA levels) to check for possible prostate cancer but the government will not fund a screening programme in the way they do routine screening for women ( smear tests and mammograms).
For the last fifty odd years the group of children to perform, way the worst at school and to have the poorest outcomes are poor, white boys. There is no real attempt to address this issue.
I think it is important to make everyone feel of equal value in our society or it leads to resentment and unrest. MN is perhaps a barometer for society as a whole and the constant sniping at 'Menz' is distasteful and unhealthy. I would so love to think that we can all become more respectful towards each other and that MN models this respect for everyone even MILS, Stepdaughters, SILS and Men.

Edit - old thread.

@Feedable

For the last fifty odd years the group of children to perform, way the worst at school and to have the poorest outcomes are poor, white boys.

I am pretty sure this is not true.