Why is mumsnet so sexist?

[Lovefromjuliaxo]

Been on here a few months, and while it’s nice to see women sticking up for woman, it’s crazy how sexist some people are on here. I’ve seen threads telling a women to leave her partners name off the BC as revenge because he’s cheated, I’ve seen posts saying “not surprised about huw Edward’s, no men can control themselves” and other numerous anti male threads and posts.

im a female for reference.

curious to see peoples opinions

YABU- it’s not constantly sexist on here
YANBU- it is constantly sexist on here

Can you link it?

Ah yes. The one where just the one poster claimed it was for revenge. Got it.

EDIT - oh ffs, that was YOU

I've seen posts making the valid point that male violence is endemic, because it is (fact - looks at the stats for violent crime!) Invariably, someone like the op comes along and says "not all men! I've got a lovely husband/ son/ brother/ father/ nephew etc" and they are (rightly) educated by other posters that of course it's "not all men" but they're spectacularly missing the point. See also not wanting men in rape crisis centres and other single sex spaces where vulnerable women need protection - from men.

So no, I don't think mn is sexist, any more than I believe that all men are rapists and murderers. I do however (mostly) see very intelligent, reasoned debate about key issues affecting women.

OP, have you heard of 'confirmation bias'?

Sexism is the systemic oppression of one sex — ie female people. It doesn’t go the other way, same as reverse racism isn’t a thing.

There's always some pickme who has to stick up for the men, even the rapey, cheating, paedo ones.

Unsurprisingly you’re getting a lot of hate on here OP.

People speak from their own experiences. Mine is dealing with an abusive woman, my partner’s ex, so it does rile me when I see posts encouraging women to use their kids as weapons against the father. That’s exactly what my partner’s ex does. And yes there have been several posts recently telling women to leave fathers off the BC if he has cheated, or not give the child the father’s name. Not sure why the mother has a greater right than the father but some seem to think they do. And due to my own experience that pisses me off.

Good one OP, good one.

Women are supporting each other with their own experiences of how to stay safe. That’s not sexism.

I remember that thread. The OP was 36 weeks pregnant and not married to her partner. He had completely distanced himself and was getting dressed up every evening to go and spend a few hours with another woman. Posters recommended not putting him on the birth certificate as they would need to attend the appointment together to do this as they weren't married. She was planning to go to her parents so this probably wouldn't have been practically possible plus would be too emotionally difficult for her. It wasn't out of revenge. You were all over the thread sticking up for her partner and saying how mean it would be.

Oh that thread? Where he doesn't want to fuck off abroad but has shown he's a devious, cruel cunt?

And you can't see why having his name on the BC could be a very bad idea? More fool you.

I agree that might not always be the best idea, but it's usually suggested where the father has shown he's a complete wrong 'un and might use the family courts to 'punish' his ex. In which case - and if he's unlikely to step up and pay child support anyway - it's completely logical not to put him on the birth certificate.

"a women to leave her partners name off the BC as revenge because he’s cheated"

This just shows a complete lack of understanding as to why many wise women gave this very sensible advice.

The woman in question was heavily pregnant, isolated from her family and financially vulnerable as she was paying towards a home that was entirely in her partner's name.

Not putting his name on the birth certificate wasn't an act of 'revenge' it was a practical ways of making it easier for her to move closer to her family in the highly likely event that she needed their support.

I think you need to look at your own reading comprehension skills OP.

This!!

Well Mumsnet is not anything as its just a place where people with different views post their views.

Personally I am both struck by how many women have internalised sexist views and gratified by the women who take no shit from men or our sexist culture and institutions.

👏👏👏

I'm with @BiologicalKitty on this.

Unsurprisingly you’re getting a lot of hate on here OP.

Posters rebutting an AIBU post they find unreasonable isn't 'hate'.

I swear this place has been invaded by a particularly thick cohort of MRAs

If you think women noticing the pattern of male violence is sexism you need an education.

If you think advising an unmarried woman to keep the name of the unfaithful, deadbeat or abusive father off the birth certificate so he can’t weaponise that against her down the line is sexist or for revenge… well, I can only envy the happy little bubble you must live in.

The problem is that men exist on a spectrum of shit. The good ones only seem good because the bad ones are such cunts.

You can expect an award as a man if you just see your children occasionally, or if you don’t cheat, or if you just have a job AND actually do the washing up sometimes. The bar is very, very low.

Ain't it just.

How many times do you see "He's a great dad and husband, he babysits and does his share of housework"

No, he's doing the absolute bare minimum required my dear.

I’ve seen threads telling a women to leave her partners name off the BC as revenge because he’s cheated,

Lots of pregnant women wouldn't have even considered that there may be far-reaching consequences to whether the father is named on the birth certificate (I know I had no idea), so having more experienced mothers who have first-hand knowledge of why it might be a mistake can be invaluable.

Anyone who does something important like this without looking into it properly themselves just because a stranger on the internet "told them to" obviously has bigger issues, and I can't imagine this actually happens often.

But being made aware that you might have options you haven't considered, and that the seemingly innocuous act of registering your baby's birth could come back to bite you on the arse and make your child's life a living hell can actually be really helpful to know when you're considering how to handle a situation.

Surely it's possible to disagree without being snide and unpleasant?

The bar is so low for men they’re using is as a limbo bar in Hell…