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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed the charity shop called me rude

283 replies

ohmydays37 · 22/09/2024 23:07

I donated two huge bags of clothes to local charity shop. Before I could even ask a question the woman who worked there demand my postcode for gift aid. I said my husband deals with that and I explained I wasn't comfortable giving his details without his permission. She then said, I was extremely rude and it was for gift aid and she was running a business. In no way was I being rude (which I told her).

I guess my AIBU to think you can't just ambush people for gift aid without knowing if 1) they pay tax and 2) you need to explain the details of it. Which she didn't.

OP posts:
Enko · 22/09/2024 23:08

She was the rude one.

RampantIvy · 22/09/2024 23:09

She could have asked politely. I assume you don't pay tax?

Needmorelego · 22/09/2024 23:09

If your husband has signed up for Gift Aid then why would he bothered if you gave his details?
Wouldn't that be a bit pointless to sign up otherwise?

Original poster
ohmydays37 · 22/09/2024 23:10

RampantIvy · 22/09/2024 23:09

She could have asked politely. I assume you don't pay tax?

No I don't anymore sadly due to ill health.

OP posts:
TheSingingBean · 22/09/2024 23:10

She was extremely rude

poppyzbrite4 · 22/09/2024 23:10

I would be generous OP as some people working in charity shops have learning difficulties. I donated some bags of stuff once and asked for the bags back and the woman said, "Stupid woman!" But I believe the staff were SEN.

Mikunia · 22/09/2024 23:11

Needmorelego · 22/09/2024 23:09

If your husband has signed up for Gift Aid then why would he bothered if you gave his details?
Wouldn't that be a bit pointless to sign up otherwise?

Edited

I think she means her husband pays tax, not that he does gift aid.

Original poster
ohmydays37 · 22/09/2024 23:11

Needmorelego · 22/09/2024 23:09

If your husband has signed up for Gift Aid then why would he bothered if you gave his details?
Wouldn't that be a bit pointless to sign up otherwise?

Edited

Because he hasn't in that shop.

OP posts:
TinkerTiger · 22/09/2024 23:12

I honestly don’t see what you couldn’t just give your postcode? And what is it that your husband ‘deal’s with’? Post codes? Much ado about nothing.

Needmorelego · 22/09/2024 23:12

@ohmydays37 all you had to say then was "I'm not a tax payer".
Why even mention your husband?

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 22/09/2024 23:12

Of course she should have expressed herself politely. Feels a little concerning that you'd need 'permission' to give your husband's name and postcode to a charity shop, that really doesn't feel like the kind of decision that a spouse should need to ask about, given that the negative consequences could be precisely zero.. (possible chance of junk mail maybe..? But you could check that with the lady. Why are you not trusted to make a fairly simple adult decision..?)

saraclara · 22/09/2024 23:14

TinkerTiger · 22/09/2024 23:12

I honestly don’t see what you couldn’t just give your postcode? And what is it that your husband ‘deal’s with’? Post codes? Much ado about nothing.

It's not about what OP said. It's about how the woman spoke to her. There was no need for it.

Katielovesteatime · 22/09/2024 23:15

The woman shouldn’t have said that, but there was no reason why you couldn’t just give her your post code!

Precipice · 22/09/2024 23:18

Katielovesteatime · 22/09/2024 23:15

The woman shouldn’t have said that, but there was no reason why you couldn’t just give her your post code!

OP didn't want to. That's reason enough.

Many post codes cover just one street or even a part of it. It's not strange that someone wouldn't want to give out their address.

Customer-facing staff should not be demanding personal information beyond the absolutely necessary (you're getting something shipped to your home.)

beethecrackon24995 · 22/09/2024 23:18

I think she was rude op. Tbh I'd have taken the stuff back and given it to a different charity. Is it not enough that you are giving them a bag of clothing? I hate it when some charity shop volunteers bully you to register for gift aid. You don't have to explain yourself to them as to whether or not you are paying tax. I think it complicates your tax return as there are loads of questions about gift aid/charities

Wantsalotofattentio · 22/09/2024 23:18

I can't get past you not giving out your post code without your husband's permission

Needmorelego · 22/09/2024 23:20

If the women in the shop actually said the words the OP said then it's more just odd than rude.
She's not "running a business" - she's working for a charity - so odd thing to say.
Any manager of a charity shop should know that not everyone pays tax so can't sign up for Gift Aid - so being rude because the OP said no is even more bizarre.
@ohmydays37 I'd just forget about it. It all sounds a weird interaction. Donate to a different charity shop next time.

Original poster
ohmydays37 · 22/09/2024 23:22

Wantsalotofattentio · 22/09/2024 23:18

I can't get past you not giving out your post code without your husband's permission

I could happily do that. The fact she was so demanding didn't sit right with me because after the postcode comes the house number then email and a ton of junk emails.

We give to charities close to home, cancer, dementia and NSPCC monthly as well as donating clothes as and when.

OP posts:
cariadlet · 22/09/2024 23:23

She was rude. I'm usually politely asked if I pay tax and then if I would like to Gift Aid my donations.

But refusing to give your husband's details in a charity shop seems a bit odd.

OppsUpsSide · 22/09/2024 23:23

I don’t donate to charity shops anymore it’s too stressful

HotCrossBunplease · 22/09/2024 23:25

What did she mean she was “running a business”? It’s a charity.

Chateauneufdu · 22/09/2024 23:29

Hmmm

Lovelysummerdays · 22/09/2024 23:32

cariadlet · 22/09/2024 23:23

She was rude. I'm usually politely asked if I pay tax and then if I would like to Gift Aid my donations.

But refusing to give your husband's details in a charity shop seems a bit odd.

I don’t think it’s odd. Don’t you have to sign a form/ declaration for gift aid that confirms you are a tax payer? If he hadn’t done it then she can’t do it on his behalf so giving details is pointless.

Frostytree · 22/09/2024 23:34

For some unknown reason my DH won’t do gift aid. So I wouldn’t give someone else’s details without permission.
There is no reason to give postcode, just like people who get annoyed by giving email address for receipt.
Sometimes the attitude of staff. Means I don’t feel guilty for filling the bags that come through the door. Not even bothered if they are stolen as least they go.

BrokenSushiLook · 22/09/2024 23:37

It's not rude to decline to Gift Aid, you have no obligation to do so, but it was a bit weird not to just say "no, I don't want to add Gift Aid" rather than digressing into excuses about your husband dealing with that. In any case it was totally inappropriate for the charity shop to criticise you as a donor. Yanbu.