To be annoyed the charity shop called me rude

[ohmydays37]

I donated two huge bags of clothes to local charity shop. Before I could even ask a question the woman who worked there demand my postcode for gift aid. I said my husband deals with that and I explained I wasn't comfortable giving his details without his permission. She then said, I was extremely rude and it was for gift aid and she was running a business. In no way was I being rude (which I told her).

I guess my AIBU to think you can't just ambush people for gift aid without knowing if 1) they pay tax and 2) you need to explain the details of it. Which she didn't.

I don’t understand what the woman was doing tbh

Was she acting as an “agent” or was this just your average charity shop? Gift aid is on money. Your husband didn’t donate. He can’t sign anything. The charity can’t claim against his details.

What's stressful about it? Genuinely curious.

Thing is, if your husband isn't signed up to Gift Aid in that particular charity, there's no point you giving his details anyway. You're not allowed to sign on his behalf; a new Gift Aid declaration needs the signature of the tax payer. And if she is 'running a business' she should know that!

The questions about Gift Aid on the tax return are because, for a higher rate tax payer, they get the additional tax paid on the donation back. I don't think anyone would care if you didn't declare your donations - and the charity shop ones aren't really declarable as you don't know how much they've sold the stuff for.

I'm pretty sure one charity shop said I couldn't give them my husband's details for the Gift Aid.

People who work in charity shops are often volunteers and are doing what they think best by the charity or have been told to ask the question. Two answers - give your postcode or say "I am not a tax-payer". Simple. If you don't like the attitude of one charity shop, there are often others down the street that would be grateful for your contribution (might ask the same question mind). If you can give it some charity shops even tell you what your things donated sold for over the year (I think this is a bit pointless personally, you are having a clear out, want it to do some good and are happy to dump stuff off and for it to sell for the best price to them). No drama.

I said my husband deals with that and I explained I wasn't comfortable giving his details without his permission.

It's an odd response. Just say you don't want to do it. Gift aid doesn't require you - or him - to do anything beyond the initial box tick that she was going to do. Weird thing to make a deal of.

How did she actually demand your postcode rather than asking for it?

I have replied “I don’t pay tax” (which is alas a lie, I pay fucking loads) in some circumstances when I haven’t wanted to leave details. I do often gift aid but there’s been occasions when I just wanted to drop and run.

I stopped using a local charity shop because they still insist on appointments for donations (started in Covid and won’t stop) I just don’t have the bandwidth for that- I chuck stuff at charity shops spontaneously.

She was very rude. But, in this day and age, to say you need your 'husband's permission' seems a little sad and rather strange to me.

I also don’t donate to charity shops anymore. I have yet to find one where they actually seemingly want the donations! I also donate good items, and often in bags so they can’t judge before they see it, they just roll their eyes and look irritated at having to sort out more stuff. So now my stuff goes in the recycle or charity bins at the dump.

These people are volunteers doing a decent job for free.

I really can’t imagine she demanded things of you. She just asked a straight forward question. All you had to do was say no I don’t do gift aid.

If someone asked for your address would you just hand it over?

The shop worker was very rude, but I also think it was odd for the OP to start talking about her husband. She could have just said no, I'm not able to gift aid the donation, sorry.

I found that with some of our local shops, despite handing over some really good items to them in pristine condition - they would only accept donations on certain days and at certain times etc, and the staff/volunteers always sighed as if you were massively putting them out by daring to donate something. However, I then discovered our local mencap shop and they always seem genuinely grateful and very flexible, so all my stuff goes to them now.

Technically, the charity shops sell the items on your behalf and you then donate the proceeds. They can then claim gift aid on your donations.

No, that’s not true. I don’t know exactly how it works but when I donated toys to my local Barnardos shop they took details for Gift Aid, and now I have a card that they issued to me to show when I make future donations. It’s not just for cash donations.

But did she give you a bag, dear?

...

Sorry. Re-watching League of Gentlemen tonight.

Here is an explanation from Marie Curie @WhiteCatsRock

I assume you were just embarrassed you don’t work and pay tax. Your response to a standard question was awkward and shows your discomfort.

It is pretty standard to be asked about gift aid in a charity shop…you weren’t ambushed. Also, there was no need for you to bring your husband into it at all. The transaction was between you and the shop. And please please never tell anyone your husband deals with that sort of thing when you’re asked for your postcode. Every adult and most children know their postcode.

Just say you don’t pay tax next time someone asks you about gift aid. You don’t owe anyone an explanation about why.

Some of the bigger charities have a system where you get put on the database once and then they can find you again every time (presumably using your postcode) so you don’t have to keep giving full details every time you donate/buy things. They then often send email updates telling you how much your donation raised through the sale of those items. Just because you (your husband) do gift aid it doesn’t mean they would be allowed to send you any marketing in any form if you have opted out.

It does sound like the staff member was rude though. If there was a misunderstanding they could have explained to you better.

This.

IF that was an exact transcript of the conversation, I'd be inclined to assume (as a pp has pointed out) that the person behind the counter had limited social skills and was literally following instructions to request postcodes for Gift Aid, to which I would have answered "Sorry, I can't, I don't pay tax".

Your answer, quite frankly, was bizarre.

You don’t sign up for gift aid. If you pay tax you just give your details and it happens. You sound aggressive and naive, ‘oh my husband deals with that’ rubbish

Literally posted details of the retail gift aid scheme you sign up for about 4 posts above yours.

GDPR. OP shouldn’t give out personal details about her his and without checking with him first. It’s not a decision she can make for him, it’s an individual decision. OP was correct and the shop worker was rude.

They asked for a postcode not an address