AIBU to not want to call my daughter’s genitals her vagina?

[BabyEl]

I know, I know, I know….we live in a enlightened age. I know it’s all the rage but vagina just doesn’t sit well with me.

my daughter has started to ask ‘what’s this’ pointing at her ‘bits’ and we need an answer soon!

i know all the arguments, I know “that’s what it’s called!” And “you call an arm an arm” etc but 1) that’s not what it’s called (technically that’s just the inner passage) and 2) when do people really use the word vagina?

do you say “my vagina is a bit sore today” or “oh yeah hubby, my vagina feels so good”

also vulva? No one says that anywhere.

do let’s put those arguments to bed.

secondly, “if you don’t use the real names and god forbid a crime occurs, the case could collapse due to incorrect name use”

I’ve seen this one a lot but I’m sceptical. Is our CPS so dull and dim witted that they will reject a child testimony because she failed to use medical grade terminology? I mean, maybe…? Is there any evidence of this happening?

anyway, I’d don’t like it. I don’t like front bottom, fanny or fufu either. I’m looking for something but not those and not the V word…

am I being unreasonable?

I do actually use vulva even when talking to my girls in public like in the loos. I have indeed said to my daughter 'wipe your vulva with a different tissue to your bottom.' Etc
I could bring myself to say something twee like 'flower' or 'minnie' gives me the absolute ick and reminds me of my batshit Catholic nan who used to refer to periods as 'being unwell' in a whisper voice.
And think the message it gives to your daughters. Need a prettied disguised word for your genitals because it's too disgusting and shameful to openly talk in medically correct terms.
No thanks. I don't want my daughters internalising that.

What is the context of your question? That you're wondering whether say vagina, vulva, or what?

Is it in the context of a criminal prosecution?

I was born in 78 so at school 82-96, definitely used vulva and vagina then, in both science and sex ed (which was called something like PSHE or something like that).

I wish people wouldn't use Minnie as it's one of the diminutive forms of my name that I actually like

Presumably the always use the correct anatomical name bunch never get sore tummies?

No. Because its parents that have that kind of judgemental attitude that insist on calling their girls genitalia a vulva. Also this is technically inaccurate, as I explained using male genitalia, as the child could be talking about her clitoris, her labia, her mons or even (gasp!) her vagina. EDITED to add I forgot perineum. An area that girls seem to quite often injure.

I taught my DD the words for all the component parts but just used "girls bits" for the whole area in general. Same for the boys.

"Simpering and coy" my arse.

Well when i was young my mum made me say pie i never knew why. I still do sometimes lol. I also tell my kids its a hotdog and a pie . But i think u should just tell her it's a pie and when she's 14 or 15 u should tell her what it is ❤.

Really? Wouldn't it be fairly basic part of training for anyone working with small children to be aware that children may very well not use correct anatomical terms?

Vulva and vagina here for my 5 year old daughter (& her big brothers!). I hate twee names and would rather not make her feel like female genitals are something shameful or something to be coy about.

I made sure both my children knew the correct terminology for their genitalia. However, it's mini and willy otherwise and that's fine!

We use the correct terms in our house.

I dislike the fact that grown men have no trouble going to a doctor and saying the word 'penis', and yet lots of women are squeamish about use of 'vulva', 'vagina', or don't even know the difference. And yet women will be the ones with far more regular medical checking of their vaginas and vulvas than men could expect in a lifetime.

Yes, most men in passing will call it a dick, etc. But there's an incredible amount of shame about most words used for female genitalia, and many are demeaning. Men will talk about their own happily, women will start referring to their 'downstairs' or 'privates'.

Not on my watch!

Really good, I so approve. I had a mother who couldn't bring herself to tell me about menstruation.

I also wonder if they complain that they’ve stubbed their hallux, or that they have odontalgia.

Yes I use vagina, never gone done the vulva route as always felt with young kids it was OTT, because it's not just about when they are young, it's about normalising that it isn't anything or an area to be ashamed about, the same as you're not ashamed you have an arm. All this faux childishness with calling it anything other than it is, sorry, it's not an embarrassing body bit, it's nothing to be ashamed of having, and giving it twee names gives the impression you should be embarrassed or ashamed of it.

If a kid takes a teacher aside and privately says “when we’re alone, my uncle touches my cookie” then yeah, it’d be fairly obvious.

In the middle of a busy playground when a kid complains to a lunch time supervisor “Billy-Bob keeps trying to grab my flower!” It’s suddenly much more likely to be dismissed than “Billy-Bob keeps trying to grab my vulva / genitals”

Yes you are being utterly unreasonable.

Do you call her fingers her handfringe? Her nose her facebump?

And yes, we do say vulva, clitoris, vagina, urethra, labia. It's no more difficult or complicated to say than big toe, elbow, shoulder.

I remember a case where a little girl kept saying her uncle was licking her cookie, but wasn't properly understood.

Teach her the right names.

So she can clearly report should anything abusive be happening to her, and be heard and understood and protected.

So she can explain her health concerns to her doctor and gynaecologist without your inherited shame and distaste.

Deal with your issues. And let your child be free of them.

Maybe, if we actually start teaching our daughters the correct terms en masse, it will create a wider shift in society that reduces the stigma around female anatomy that currently leads to so many health inequities.

Mine know the names but day to day we say private parts. If something hurts and ask where they know the accurate names to describe it.

No. Why do you think that it is? It's a word is all and a precise descriptive one.
I'm in chat rooms with women suffering from serious autoimmune and menopausal issues of their vaginas and vulvas and it's alarming how few feel able to use or know the right words - and it often stops them being able to get the right medical help, either because they don't know the words or because they're too embarrassed. Yet more sexism and misogyny and something that as mothers we should help to overcome not perpetuate.

Really? If a child told you that you'd take it literally to mean flower, bunny and button? And think no more about it?

There's nothing wrong with teaching children the correct names but I simply do not believe that adults in safeguarding roles lack the intelligence or the imagination to work out that Uncle Frank probably wasn't touching the child's pet rabbit. Or if they do, then perhaps they're in the wrong job.

Exactly.
What a depressing thread.

My children have just used vulva, it's never been an issue?

Vagina doesn't really come up until you're telling them about sex/birth.

That's a safeguarding failure on the part of the adults. Children don't usually have flowers in school playgrounds- what did they think was meant?

Agreed. Foof fgs. What a silly made up word. Why is that better than vagina/vulva?