AIBU to not want to call my daughter’s genitals her vagina?

[BabyEl]

I know, I know, I know….we live in a enlightened age. I know it’s all the rage but vagina just doesn’t sit well with me.

my daughter has started to ask ‘what’s this’ pointing at her ‘bits’ and we need an answer soon!

i know all the arguments, I know “that’s what it’s called!” And “you call an arm an arm” etc but 1) that’s not what it’s called (technically that’s just the inner passage) and 2) when do people really use the word vagina?

do you say “my vagina is a bit sore today” or “oh yeah hubby, my vagina feels so good”

also vulva? No one says that anywhere.

do let’s put those arguments to bed.

secondly, “if you don’t use the real names and god forbid a crime occurs, the case could collapse due to incorrect name use”

I’ve seen this one a lot but I’m sceptical. Is our CPS so dull and dim witted that they will reject a child testimony because she failed to use medical grade terminology? I mean, maybe…? Is there any evidence of this happening?

anyway, I’d don’t like it. I don’t like front bottom, fanny or fufu either. I’m looking for something but not those and not the V word…

am I being unreasonable?

We call it a minnie in our house.

Dd knows the correct terms, but vulva is just so ugly sounding.

Anus, penis, vulva, vagina. There shouldn’t be any shame around the names.

And why is this? Because women’s bodies are surrounded by shame, misinformation and ambiguity

I hate threads like this. It just feels wrong. Please stop posting about this, there's probably perverts getting off on this

Are you more comfortable with 'labia'? Technically the external/visible part is the labia majora and the inner part around the vagina is the labia minora. The vulva is the collective term for the whole area. Labia is the latin term for lips.

Oh dear God no. A girl’s vagina and vulva is fabulous and should not be referred to like this

You think fanny is bad- in my day it was a tuppence!

Grim. It's just the worst.

Girls bits and boys bits in my house
Technically both girls and boys bits are not just one thing e.g. penis, tentacles, scrotum, foreskin (maybe).

I find calling girls genitalia a vulva a bit overly earnest.

I genuinely can't remember! If I dig deep in my memory I can envision a diagram with ovaries and uterus and vagina but I can't remember vulva being on there- unless it was and I don't remember?!

The problem with using 'vagina' is later in life they'll refuse to wash their groin area as they will believe that there is a cosmic spiritual holistic force that magically replicates the self-cleaning microbiotic system of their internal vaginal canal across the entire external groin area. Nip this one in the bud

Vulva refers to the external genitals. Vagina to the inside passage. Both these terms are correct and avoid confusion. All those coy words like 'foo, foo', 'fanny', 'flower' or 'front passage' should maybe be a thing of the past. 'Bits' is demeaning. For some reason the current term 'growler' seems a bit more upfront and feisty.

Sadly, even though naming the parts of body is good safeguarding, there is a prurience around the proper words for private parts, so they aren’t even taught at school until much later. Every child which can speak should know the words penis and vulva.

This is bonkers. Poor child.

Pudendum if you can't handle vulva. Vagina is not what is externally 'visible' so I wouldn't use that for what is.

Teach them the proper words then worry about what to call it in 'polite society' if you don't want to use the correct word.

Agree

I shouldn't worry about it really OP, just make sure she does actually know the proper names.

I have worked with under 8s for over 40yrs in a huge variety of settings and never once have I had a child say vulva, in any context. Some say 'gina, some say noonie or Minnie, most say 'my bits'. Most boys say Willy and/or balls.

Anyone who works in childcare will be fully aware of all the colloquial names used as it is a list most usually included in safeguarding training.

My own children would say 'my bits hurt' and only use proper names when asked 'which bit'. In normal,day to day interactions these words wouldn't even come up.

Vulva.

My dd when in year 3 said there were three of them having an argument in the playground about whether it's vagina or vulva. Always makes me laugh thinking of 6/7 year olds shouting "NO IT'S NOT A VAGINA!!!!!" at each other.

I think I'd feel more embarrassed calling it a foof instead of vulva personally. My dd had a speech disorder so it did definitely sound like Volvo for a few years.

I talk about genitals for most of my working day and even I don’t use the official anatomical terms 100% of the time (even at work!)

Many of my patients get a bit embarrassed/squeamish if I start saying ‘vulva’ or ‘penis’ so I normally say something along the lines of “shall we pop you up on the couch and see what’s going on with your bits” as most people seem to feel more comfortable with that, for whatever reason. Of course, if they lead with correct anatomical terms, I’ll just use those, but if they come into the consultation with “there’s green stuff coming out of my dick” or “my flower is itchy” (I’ve heard those exact phrases more than once!), I will just sanitise my own speech and go for ‘bits’ because whilst I’m absolutely not going to say dick/flower, they’re clearly uncomfortable with saying penis/vulva, so I’m not going to compound their embarrassment!

As long as your DD knows and understands that her vulva (and vagina!) are private, and what the actual terms are in case she ever needs to know them, ‘bits’ is generally fine for everyday use. She and you would know what that meant, and so would a teacher/nurse/doctor if she ever needed to tell someone there was something wrong, or god forbid if anything ever happened to her.

You can start with labia if you prefer since that is likely the part she is point at to begin with.

Using some sort of cutesy term is offensive and demeaning. Do better for your daughter.

also vulva? No one says that anywhere. Do let’s put those arguments to bed.

Weird comment! Loads of people do. If you don't like it that's fine, but why pretend that no one else uses the word?

The idea isn't for the testimony to stand up in court, it's so that if a child ever tries to disclose to a parent or teacher that someone has touched them, they will be understood.

If anyone is having gynaecological investigations of the vulva they will want the proper terms to be used. The words vulva and vagina should be introduced early and should be normalised.

well you’d be inaccurate to call her vulva her vagina, unless she is indeed asking about her vagina.

Give her the right words for body parts.
It is empowering for her.. and empowering for you too !
My mother was full of euphanisms for body parts and functions…it took me several years at medical school before I got over it… but I managed.

Overly earnest? Because little girls should be simpering and coy when mentioning their genitals?