AIBU to not want to call my daughter’s genitals her vagina?

[BabyEl]

I know, I know, I know….we live in a enlightened age. I know it’s all the rage but vagina just doesn’t sit well with me.

my daughter has started to ask ‘what’s this’ pointing at her ‘bits’ and we need an answer soon!

i know all the arguments, I know “that’s what it’s called!” And “you call an arm an arm” etc but 1) that’s not what it’s called (technically that’s just the inner passage) and 2) when do people really use the word vagina?

do you say “my vagina is a bit sore today” or “oh yeah hubby, my vagina feels so good”

also vulva? No one says that anywhere.

do let’s put those arguments to bed.

secondly, “if you don’t use the real names and god forbid a crime occurs, the case could collapse due to incorrect name use”

I’ve seen this one a lot but I’m sceptical. Is our CPS so dull and dim witted that they will reject a child testimony because she failed to use medical grade terminology? I mean, maybe…? Is there any evidence of this happening?

anyway, I’d don’t like it. I don’t like front bottom, fanny or fufu either. I’m looking for something but not those and not the V word…

am I being unreasonable?

Exactly this. And now my girls are able to talk about and describe their body parts without any shame.

You’re free to google yourself. I don’t have access to the course materials from the several safeguarding training sessions where this was provided as an example. I believe https://thirtyoneeight.org was the provider.

I do think being fastidious about anatomically accurate words in this day and age is ridiculous.

Vulva/vagina works for me (although I hate the word “vagina”: think it’s really ugly.

I absolutely loathe “fanny” though. Always found it inexplicably disgusting and laced with overtones of perversion for reasons I can’t quite explain. Urgh.

Also:

my daughter has started to ask ‘what’s this’ pointing at her ‘bits’ and we need an answer soon!

you need an answer when she asks the question. You know the answer- it’s a vulva. You should answer your children when they ask questions, to the best of your ability and honestly.

You could, I suppose be honest and say “it’s actually called a vulva but I have difficulty saying that because it makes me feel uncomfortable/ dirty / ashamed, so I’m trying to come up with a suitable euphemism to soften the blow of having to acknowledge your female body parts out loud.”

I think I would personally choose getting over myself and responding simply with “it’s your vulva” 🤷🏼‍♀️

Like I said I watch a lot of true crime. I can link you if I come across a new one. However I am not going to bother going through watched ones to satisfy your curiosity. Like I said 1 is too many.

All of this.

Giving them the correct names normalises it though. You don't give your other body parts nicknames, why do it to genitals? That just highlights your embarrassment or whatever it is that makes you feel you can't use the correct terminology. Don't pass that on to your children.

And yes, I know we all use slang terminology (bonce, arse, boobs etc), but that's a different issue, you wouldn't be teaching those to your kids either.

whats the issue?! I mean call it what you want but it’s a bit weird to not want to use the correct terms don’t you think?

Be great wouldn't it if there could be a generation who weren't taught that part of their bodies was shameful/dirty enough to not warrant being called its true name/need cutesying up.

So many men are so frickin proud of their penis. Sigh.

No, I didn't say that: just that (at the time) I never noticed their absence.

I always wonder what’s wrong with ‘fanny’, too. And why on earth there isn’t a commonly known equivalent of ‘willy’.

I’ve heard ‘fanjo’ from Gdd1, now 9. Certainly sounds better to me than the so often misused ‘vagina’, or ‘vulva’.

This is a terrible term to use. Far too easy to be misunderstood in a safeguarding context.

Here you are OP, maybe take a leaf out of Caitlins book...

I'll mark it as sensitive as I know some people REALLY hate the word.

Yes I said it was mentioned. Often by adult people who speaks of severe trauma from not being heard and believed by care takers. A link has been offered above for you to look into. Again 1 is too many.

I think saying ‘bits’ is far worse. At least don’t be so twee-private parts if you must or genitals. And front bottom? What on earth is that??

Honestly they're all awful! 'Bits', 'Foof', 'front bottom', 'fanny'... or just 'make sure you wash...yourself' with a general indication to the between the legs area. Bleugh!! My absolute worst by a miracle mile is the one that rhymes with cringe, Don't even want to write it. Yuk.

Genitals, vulva, vagina...done.

https://www.buzzfeed.com/erinlarosa/how-many-words-that-mean-vagina-do-you-know

There is no female equivalent to willy is there? Penis and vagina/vulva are such ugly words that we always went with willy, fortunately we only have a boy! I think if I had a dd who was asking me straight out though, then I'd go with vulva just because the other options are not great.

Op Ive tried searching but hard on my phone and tbh so much is coming it it's heartbreaking. But I did read an article last week where a step brother had got his young step sister convinced body parts were called something else so when she said anything it was immediately evident exactly what was going on. I believe but could be wrong he'd take the front off of front bottom for example

I was always told from a young age that it was my privates. When I grew up I did think it was strange when I had to start calling it my vagina. I wished I was taught it from the start! I've told both my kids, it's vaginia. Absolutely no one I know in real life has ever called it vulva.

Yup, I worked in an adjacent area for a bit and I’m not going to share any details for rockspiders to get their jollies over, but it would be really good if parents just called things their correct names.

If you say “vulva” in context 10 times, it will seem normal, and your daughter won’t need to have this conversation when she is a parent.

Why do people cringe at medical terms but use terms that predators/paedophile like to use. Silly little names like they are 5. Adult up. It's only biology.

Exactly.

Vulva or labia is fine and correct (assuming you are referring to the outer genitalia). Vagina is the internal part/birth canal. I really don't know why there is such a widespread misuse of the word. Why bother using an official anatomical word but incorrectly?

So many people are squeamish about "vulva" but why? If you can say vagina, you can say vulva. I think it must relate to the misogynistic idea that the female genitals are dirty and disgusting i.e. vagina is passable because it's the birth canal but vulvas are smelly, yucky and ugly. I'm not having that! Vulva is a perfectly normal body part and nothing to be ashamed of.

In our house we do also say "privates" as we have a boy and a girl and that covers both (it's not for reasons of coyness). I admit I do sometimes say "flaps" for vulva which I know some will think is a vulgar term but to me it's just descriptive - labia are folds/flaps of flesh. Sorry if that offends!

Yep.

Agree. Really weird. You've repeatedly asked for this “proof” now. Why? Is the issue here really about names? And if it is (and I don’t think it is), what is your objection to using the correct anatomical names?

We use the medical terms vulva, vagina, penis and testicles. CSA is not the main reason and not really that high up in my thinking. They are the names of those body parts and it blows my mind that anyone would try to teach their children bullshit euphemistic words because - what? Their body and their child’s body are shameful things? Fuck that. I have had to explain that some people use incorrect words. My kids are so unbothered by this. Just like they were when I said “that’s your eyebrow, that’s your big toe…” etc.