AIBU to not want to call my daughter’s genitals her vagina?

[BabyEl]

I know, I know, I know….we live in a enlightened age. I know it’s all the rage but vagina just doesn’t sit well with me.

my daughter has started to ask ‘what’s this’ pointing at her ‘bits’ and we need an answer soon!

i know all the arguments, I know “that’s what it’s called!” And “you call an arm an arm” etc but 1) that’s not what it’s called (technically that’s just the inner passage) and 2) when do people really use the word vagina?

do you say “my vagina is a bit sore today” or “oh yeah hubby, my vagina feels so good”

also vulva? No one says that anywhere.

do let’s put those arguments to bed.

secondly, “if you don’t use the real names and god forbid a crime occurs, the case could collapse due to incorrect name use”

I’ve seen this one a lot but I’m sceptical. Is our CPS so dull and dim witted that they will reject a child testimony because she failed to use medical grade terminology? I mean, maybe…? Is there any evidence of this happening?

anyway, I’d don’t like it. I don’t like front bottom, fanny or fufu either. I’m looking for something but not those and not the V word…

am I being unreasonable?

I always said ‘lady parts’ instead.

Tentacles!!? 🐙

My 3 year old calls it vulva. And privates. There is no shame in her anatomy. It's neither dirty nor cringe

We used girly bits / lady bits and she knew the correct terms too.

We use the vulva, vagina, penis etc...

Suppose you could use.. meat curtains, snatch, axe wound?

Is menstrual blood not a waste product though?

We use front bottom, but we have said vagina so they know the correct term too.

DD1 is almost 5 and we use "vagina." I know it's not anatomically correct, but it's close enough and adults would understand what she means.

There are more nicknames for a penis that are generally acceptable for children to use, like "Willy" rather than cock or dick!
But for vulva/vagina, terms are either quite babyish (foof, foo foo, etc) or adult (fanny, pussy, etc)

When I was growing up, my parents used 'willy' for a penis and 'winky' for vulva/vagina.

My son is 2 and has caught on quite quickly that he has a 'bum' and more recently a 'dingle'. As it just became a routine for me to say, when changing his nappy 'let me clean your dingle' as penis just sounded too harsh coming out of a 2 year olds mouth.

However as I am a health professional he will soon be taught the correct terminology as he gets older as I appreciate that it prevents confusion.

You’re so wrong.

There is a well documented case where a child said to a nursery worker that some male family member was touching her Minnie. Nursery worker ignored it, only for it to later come out that it was very clear severe SA.

Calling parts the proper name or at least privates helps safeguard children.

OP, can you teach her the word genitals? That’s what it sounds like you say. It’s accurate and not too babyish or descriptive?

Personally I like vajayjay but it might not be for everyone!

We used ginny as a derivative of vagina. Also taught the proper word too but not until the girls were older.
This is a valid argument though and a friend that works in child protective services said to teach the proper words just in case. They've obviously worked with lots of children in awful circumstances where it's confusing with all the different names for private parts and it can mislead investigations (obviously this is worst case scenario).
Front bottom is a good alternative because it's obvious what is being referred to.

Let’s stay away from misogynistic names.

Being squeamish is a luxury you give up when you become a parent. That includes squeamishness about language.

When my dd's were small we used the word privates. It got shortened to privvy... as in-

When you wipe your privates/(later became privvy parts 😆) go front to back

We had convo about vagina and vulva so they totally knew that too. But in our house its was privvy parts
As a pp said all good things deseve a nickname 😊

That’s actually not the correct term. I have absolutely no clue why everybody is so against just calling it what it is, a vulva. It’s just a word. Absolutely ridiculous.

Got a link to this story?

I think we need to normalise talking about and calling our body parts by their correct terminology, as well as talking about our bodily functions. We still whisper about ‘the time of the month’ or ‘Aunt Flo’ being in, but actually, language like this, and our reluctance to talk about it can mask some serious health problems. We accept really heavy periods because we don’t know what a normal one should be. We are barely aware of potentially life threatening conditions like preeclampsia in pregnancy. We don’t know that 50% of women will have fibroids by age 45. Our menstrual and reproductive wellbeing should not be a dirty little secret. Roughly 50% of the world’s population go through the menopause, and yet until a few years ago most of us had no clue what it actually meant beyond hot flushes and the end of periods. So, I’d suggest using the correct terminology and keep the conversation going.

CSA therapist - sadly I’ve seen multiple cases lost for this very reason. It’s heartbreaking. Similarly children don’t always disclose to their parents - if your child told their teacher ‘ so and so touched my cookie’ - the teacher might not understand that’s a serious problem . For young children, a trusted adult may wipe or clean their vulva, but there are incredibly few valid reasons for an adult to be touching inside their vagina so the difference is crucial.

cath hakanson the parents guide to private body parts is a fabulous book- I wish it was stuffed into the hands of parents as they left hospital.

your child HAS to know the real names- but it’s ok for them to use a nickname in daily life as long as they use the real name when talking to professionals. Just as my little one knows my real name in case she ever gets lost or separated but calls me mummy. Or I use tummy when I’m just looking in the mirror but would say stomach when I go to the doctor

Could you link to one of these many cases?

What’s the objection to “fanny” on this thread?! It’s not rude, it’s the equivalent to willy. And easier to say than “vagina” or “vulva” when very little.

We use fanny/willy for every day (as in, no, don’t put the Lego on your willy; please leave your fanny alone while you’re watching TV); both kids know all the correct terminology for each area if they need to tell us something hurts/itches/is doing something weird; and have a catch-all “pants are private” for everything thigh up/belly button down.

If it’s well documented, can you please provide a link to it?

I think the problem with Fanny is that sone people use it to mean buttocks, as in Fanny pack, or landed on their Fanny, which raises the old “ bottom” ambiguity which people worry about. In terms of knowing exactly what they mean, tbh Willy would get the point across more accurately: it’s obvious a girl isn’t meaning penis.

the private details of a small child’s case will often not be shared publicly. But I can personally tell you it was bloody awful being involved in those trials.

the csa rates in the uk are between 1in 7 and 1in 20 depending on the severity of the abuse - I can’t imagine why you would want to increase your child’s risk of not disclosing over a word. Worse- we know children who don’t have the words and the environment to safely disclose wait longer to tell a trusted adult. More children disclose after their PSHE lesson than at other times which can mean some children wait up to 7 years to disclose. The thought of a child being in that position for 7 years is unbearable (and I work with them day in and day out )

Is there anyway I could read about one of these cases which was lost because a child use the word cookie?

it’s weird that cookie often comes up in this example when I’ve never heard cookie as a British word for that.