AIBU to not want to call my daughter’s genitals her vagina?

[BabyEl]

I know, I know, I know….we live in a enlightened age. I know it’s all the rage but vagina just doesn’t sit well with me.

my daughter has started to ask ‘what’s this’ pointing at her ‘bits’ and we need an answer soon!

i know all the arguments, I know “that’s what it’s called!” And “you call an arm an arm” etc but 1) that’s not what it’s called (technically that’s just the inner passage) and 2) when do people really use the word vagina?

do you say “my vagina is a bit sore today” or “oh yeah hubby, my vagina feels so good”

also vulva? No one says that anywhere.

do let’s put those arguments to bed.

secondly, “if you don’t use the real names and god forbid a crime occurs, the case could collapse due to incorrect name use”

I’ve seen this one a lot but I’m sceptical. Is our CPS so dull and dim witted that they will reject a child testimony because she failed to use medical grade terminology? I mean, maybe…? Is there any evidence of this happening?

anyway, I’d don’t like it. I don’t like front bottom, fanny or fufu either. I’m looking for something but not those and not the V word…

am I being unreasonable?

I agree we use Willy and MooMoo xx

Who are you telling though?
Friends? Doctor? Someone is just as easily understood if they say vagina and then say internally or externally or inside/outside.
People are so disingenuous about this topic.

I've never heard it referred to as vulva by an adult or child in real life!

Many of my patients get a bit embarrassed/squeamish if I start saying ‘vulva’ or ‘penis’ so I normally say something along the lines of “shall we pop you up on the couch and see what’s going on with your bits” as most people seem to feel more comfortable with that, for whatever reason.

You work with adults??

Gross

'A child entering "girl front bottom naked" would get very different (not erotic) results to "girl vulva naked" or girl "girl vagina naked" so there is an argument for using emphemisms'

It's on a different topic but i couldn't help but smile at a memory this brought to mind of my then incredibly naive 8 YO son (AS) and his best friend who has joined chess club, trying to find out more detailed moves on line about, yes you guessed it Pawn, or as they thought, porn, moves. The sheer shock and horror as they came running from the computer was quite something.

We used to say 'minnie'

minge

Vulva.

it’s not just a safeguarding thing and not just about the cps but abusers use words like lollipop for penis and cookie for vulva and then the abuse takes much longer to be uncovered.

it’s also a female sexuality and shame thing. How come males get penis or Willy and no shame or bother but girls don’t even get a universal name. It sets up feelings of shame about the whole area and that our bodies are shameful and not to be talked about.

I use the correct words and always have for DD15 as it's more about boundaries and safeguarding, although I used to say pits and bits when she was bathing or showering to encourage hygiene.

We used Twinkle for our girls but that was 20 years or so ago. I’m sure I’d get slated for it now.

Danny sounds crass to me. Willy sounds quite sweet. No idea why.

So true, the boys are out there having a great time drawing pictures of penises all over their pencil cases and you've got grown women here who can't even say the right word because it's 'ugly'.

Is there any evidence that has ever happened?

I’ve heard it mentioned on Mumsnet, is there a real case of it happening in the world?

We just called them bits-boys bits and girls bits. They know the correct terminology should they need to use it, but bits has worked well for us.

If describing sore bits, it would be inside or outside bits or front or back bits!

We say vagina (though I know it's a vulva realistically).
We try to use penis, sometimes willy comes out then I have to correct myself.

And yes, if I was to complain of soreness I'd say my vagina is sore today. What else would you say?

I think we said 'bits' but they also knew the correct words.

There was a case in Sweden a year or so ago where a man was initially found not guilty of raping a child because the girl could not accurately name her bits, and it therefore couldn't be determined if the perpetrator had touched her vulva or actually penetrated her vagina. The man has subsequently been found guilty on appeal, but there was a lot of outrage about it.

Actually yes there is in many child abuse cases. I watch a lot of true crime it has been mentioned on several. I do not know if we have any official stastutics but frankly even 1 is too many.

So much hate for Fannys on this thread. I'll try and not take it personally 🙄😜

We go by "private parts"
Good coverall for all the bits and pieces scientifically well move onto one day and universal for both sets of genitals. It is important that girls understand their anatomy but we'll get to that later primary.
Vagina isn't scientific imo because it's usually the outer parts being referred to.
Also wins the argument for "not naming them something silly in case of abuse situations" I've heard before - they're private and referring to them as that if raising anything to other adults is descriptive enough

I don’t think it’s very fair that you’ve chosen a small snippet of my post so as not to reflect the full context, it would have been easier for you just to quote the post in its entirely. However, I’ll answer your question.

I work with over 13s, so not always adults. But believe it or not, many adults are very squeamish about using correct anatomical terms, so I use whatever language they have indicated they are comfortable with. If they lead with ‘vulva’ or ‘scrotum’, fab, I’ll use that, if it’s any sort of twee or colloquial name, I will match it with something similarly colloquial, but easy to understand.

My documentation obviously refers to each part by its correct name as I know what they are, but I will sometimes use layman’s terms to make the experience less awkward for them if that is what they have indicated they are comfortable with, yes. If a man tells me that his balls are itchy, or a woman says she has ‘spots on her lips’, or that she is ‘sore inside’, of course I know what they mean, but I won’t use language they’ve indicated they are uncomfortable with, or might not understand.

Also helps with clarity, many men won’t know where I’m referring to if I say ‘corona’, but they’ll know what I mean if I say ‘just under your helmet’, and many women won’t know what I mean if I say ‘fourchette’, but they’ll know what I mean if I say ‘just below the entrance to your vagina’.

Patient comfort and understanding is just as important to me as establishing what the physical problem is. If I need to modify my language to get there, I’m fine with that, and my patient feedback record is full of the likes of ‘Bandit made me feel very comfortable, explained everything very well’.

I must live on a different planet as I never hear anyone call it vulva. Only vagina and that's what I've called it my whole life (38 years). Never knew people were calling it vulva until Mumsnet, and never had the need to check vagina was anatomically correct.

Lots of people do say vulva including my 3 and 5 year olds. It's the actual correct name. By teaching your daughter to talk openly and confidently about her body with the correct terminology you are empowering her to know and describe when there is a problem, not just abuse but also gynaecological health concerns. Yes it can feel weird when you start saying it but that's probably because we weren't empowered in this way in our own childhoods and on some level have been taught to be ashamed of our female bodies. Its a totally normal word in our house now and I don't think anything of it.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/oct/16/viva-la-vulva-why-we-need-to-talk-about-women-genitalia