AIBU to not want to call my daughter’s genitals her vagina?

[BabyEl]

I know, I know, I know….we live in a enlightened age. I know it’s all the rage but vagina just doesn’t sit well with me.

my daughter has started to ask ‘what’s this’ pointing at her ‘bits’ and we need an answer soon!

i know all the arguments, I know “that’s what it’s called!” And “you call an arm an arm” etc but 1) that’s not what it’s called (technically that’s just the inner passage) and 2) when do people really use the word vagina?

do you say “my vagina is a bit sore today” or “oh yeah hubby, my vagina feels so good”

also vulva? No one says that anywhere.

do let’s put those arguments to bed.

secondly, “if you don’t use the real names and god forbid a crime occurs, the case could collapse due to incorrect name use”

I’ve seen this one a lot but I’m sceptical. Is our CPS so dull and dim witted that they will reject a child testimony because she failed to use medical grade terminology? I mean, maybe…? Is there any evidence of this happening?

anyway, I’d don’t like it. I don’t like front bottom, fanny or fufu either. I’m looking for something but not those and not the V word…

am I being unreasonable?

I’m with you OP! 30/40/50 years ago absolutely nobody said vulva, and we all managed fine!

My 3 year old intermittently uses privates or vagina. Out of all the different names privates was one I preferred as it reinforces that it is a private area and isn't a childish or fluffy name like foofoo or 'my Mary' which is what a school friend called hers. Anything like that makes me cringe. But if I point to it and say what's that she knows it's her vagina

The levels of sexual abuse against children in those eras probably say you didn't manage fine though don't they?

Agree.

What on earth is objectionable about ""vulva"??

You’re seriously going to blame that on the fact girls didn’t use the word vulva as much? Where’s your evidence on this?

We use the correct terms here too.

My step-sister called hers a Tuppence when she was little. I used to think that was weird, even when I was only 10 myself. What is wrong with Vulva/Vagina?

Yup - lines of communication must be open

Worst I've heard was a couple who called it "the special hole'😬

5DD''s. It's a vulva here but when the girls were really small it was a missy so I guess in our house full of girls that was the slang if you like - the equivalent to the male version - willy for penis.

Like wtf is foof, front bottom and all the other bullshit words, it’s so unnecessary. Telling a child to say fanny is really fucking awful imo. I’m with you. Vagina and penis from the get go. I also hate willy

The only reason this sounds strange to your ears is because your own mother did not teach you the correct terms

It’s interesting that I just saw this comment because I was thinking, ‘how can people be uncomfortable with using the exact words.’ But it’s true. Your parents may not have taught you the correct words and that’s why you find a problem with it.

My mum always used vagina for us (yes we understand that the proper term was vulva and learned what an actual vagina was as we got older) and I never saw anything wrong with that. My children will also know their body parts as vagina and penis whilst they’re small. Saying flower or tuppence is just ridiculous for so many reasons

We ended up with front bottom. Not by choice, but DD1 started calling the whole area bottom so we had to start asking 'front bottom or back bottom'? Both DDs know the medical terms but don't use them daily.

This reminds me of when I was little & obsessed w pigs. I asked for an adult book w lore & farming detail that I saw in a catalogue & I loved it. But when I got to the page about artificial insemination I asked my mum what a vulva was. She said that wasn't suitable yet. It's funny as she has medical training but is v squeamish in some ways! In fairness she did give me some child friendly puberty books when I was a bit older, so I learnt the correct terms! She hasn't had the best experience of relationships, & in some ways is quite youthful almost, so maybe this is why.
Her reasoning was that 'most families use nicknames and it's not an issue' but I do feel a bit cross as a small part of me still feels vagina & vulva are dirty words, despite being a strong feminist.
Please, OP, don't give your dd the idea these words are dirty. Clear, age appropriate info is best, so she feels she can talk to you whatever.

YABU, and you need to get over yourself.

You also need to learn the correct terms for the various 'bits'.

One of the reasons why vulvar cancer is so deadly is because many girls and women can’t really accurately describe the area the symptoms are in. Probably because of parents like you who use incorrect language

We opt for ‘private parts or vagina’ and make it clear about how those areas of her body are hers, are private, no one should see them, she should take responsibility for personal care, hygiene etc. I could never really bring myself to say ‘foo’ or ‘front botty’ out loud haha.

Although I know her school are quite ‘on it’ with using the correct terminology and discuss all this with the kids in Science.

My DD says vagina and willy, I think all the nicknames for vagina are grim.

My dear mum used to call it my "tinkle" (1960s), which was fine until I heard her on the phone to one of her (female) friends, as she finished her phone call with "I'll give you a tinkle later!" 🙈🙈🙈

As long as they know the correct terminology, I don't think it matters what they call it in conversation. Its like mentioning 'stomach ache' rather than bowel or intestinal spasms - there's generally no need to be more specific unless you are at the doctor. Everybody knows what you are talking about whether you use vulva, vagina or privates so I think its fine to use any of these.

I always said vulva. In case my daughter needed to report inappropriate contact to an adult who wasn't me, I wanted to make sure there was no misconception about what had happened.

We used peach or clam/clamshell when I was a child. My mum taught me the correct terminology from a very young age though and said if I ever needed to talk to an adult about an issue then I needed to use the correct words. I was always told peach was a nickname and taught the correct names for boys as well but we used Willy the most.
My mum was as open as possible about bodies and sex education when I was growing up and answered as many of my questions as she could.

Me and dp use the term growler as a joke or I still use peach, I have no kids but if I did then I’d probably do the same as my mum did and teach the correct words but say if was ok to use a nickname at home.

I just asked DP what the correct words were for a woman’s genitals and that it wasn’t vagina. He said “Libya” 😂.
He is Asian and never had any sex education growing up, I had to teach him what periods were and how a woman’s body works when he was in his late twenties when we met.
Growing up he was told that women on their periods were sick, I’m going through early perimenopause and it’s been difficult when he didn’t know what it was. Kids need teaching these things or they grow up clueless!

I was given a list of common words used for nicknames for genitals during safeguarding training and most on the list have been used on this thread.
I do feel sorry for the men with nieces and nephews out there as during examples it always refers to “if someone reported their uncle played a game they were uncomfortable with” or something similar. There needs to be different examples rather than always blaming the uncle in these hypothetical scenarios!

It really isn't an important distinction.
People manage perfectly well by just saying vagina and saying inside or outside. Everyone knows what it means.
It's not that it's hard to get it right, we just want to keep saying vagina.

I also think its important for children to have a 'discreet' way to refer to themselves if necessary. A whisper to a parent or trusted teacher about an awkward itch might be more appropriate than making a loud declaration in public about their vulva!

No way is that true!

You'd look like 100x more of a twat if she bellowed out something about her peach or her pie or her clamshell.