He goes away, I can’t

[Aspire5253]

DH has been away to Europe without me twice this year. Once with a family member and once to stay with friends. When I was younger I used to visit Canada regularly. I know people there but they are not close friends. I considered going again, alone, as a kind of last hurrah, and relive a few old memories. (I’m 61 but fit).DH says No way and half jokingly that if I went he would change the locks. Basically there is no way I can go. We have plenty of money so the only issue is me going without him. Am I wrong to be annoyed at this attitude.

You're only 61 OP, you hopefully have a good few years left in you so why waste them tolerating his crap attitude.
Book the holiday and while you're away, seriously consider your future with him.
Think of all the things you could do with your new found freedom and I don't mean get another man - be free to chose your own life.

This is so strange. Why can’t you go???

Why, just why, do u need his permission to go on holiday???? You have years ahead of u to travel and enjoy yourself. What is the problem ????

yet another story about yet another man which makes me rejoice that i am single. Go and have fun, make lots of memories and then when you get back get rid of him and plan your next adventure.

A 'Last Hurrah' at only 61....?

You've got 30 years of glorious travel ahead of you yet!

Pack a bag! Get gone! Live your gorgeous life!

Maybe try a UK break first - build up to the foreign trip next -

I'm excited for you!

I virtually never swear on here OP, but really...

I am a little older than you, it is usually no age at all. These are supposed to be our best, golden years. What on earth has he done to you, to make you feel like this?

I hope you know that, just because he says stuff, it is not true. 💕

Yes. He’s a dick. But then you know that or you wouldn’t have posted. You don’t need his permission. Tell him the next time he fucks off to Europe without you he needn’t bother coming back.

This man you are married to- what are his redeeming features ? Does he control you in other ways ? Do you mind, or perhaps you are used to it..... some of these types are good at that, wearing you down so you think their (batshit) views and ways of behaving are normal/ OK.

Go on holiday. If he changes the locks you can file for divorce. If you have enough money there will be plenty for you to enjoy a stress free life as a single person.

Don't put up with being told where you can go. Life is too short.

Well, good luck to him finding a woman who’ll tolerate that controlling fuckwittery!

Idiot stand for that attitude

If you change the locks then I will see you in the divorce courts

You are your own person not his pet ffs

I don't understand posts like this because my first question would be why? What is his justification OP?!

I don't think the OP will be back.

You’d be surprised how often I click on the wrong answer, and it was about a year before I read a comment to say you could change your answer!

What even is the point of this post and especially to write it and then not return for several hours?

AIBU to be irritated by posts where the answer is so totally obvious?

Book it and tell him you're going. A last hurrah? I hope you do it, and I hope it's the first hurrah of your new single life without that controlling fuckwit.

Watch Shirley Valentine, and then do it. Pack your bags and leave your key behind, tell him he needn't change the locks. He's a fool.

If you don't go then you are rolling over and giving him permission to control you and be in charge of your life. Are you really willing to do that? I mean come on, you've got more about you than that sort of behaviour haven't you? Book your holiday, tell him you've booked it and when his bottom lip sticks out do a little tap dance on it.

Canonlythinkofthisone · Today 16:30

Interested to hear from whoever thinks YABU...

☝This

This!

OP @Aspire5253

You CAN go away.

If you really feel you can’t then I think you need to speak to Women’s Aid and get some support with what’s happening in your relationship with this man, I wish you the best.

Could you ask him why you can't go?

If you can't even ask the question then that is really worrying.

Possibly he's going to say he doesn't want stray men sniffing around you.

The only men who would say this are ones who target other women when they are unaccompanied. It's called projection. If I do it, then you must be doing it too.

Absolutely this. DH and I love travelling together, but I also travel with my DM and to visit relatives abroad. He gets huffy about it sometimes so I point out that he is entirely entitled to do the same but is too damn lazy to sort it out. I love planning travel, but I am not his personal travel agent: if he wants to visit his friends or family he just needs to get himself on Skyscanner!

DH has gone out for a couple of pints. OP is getting an emergency locksmith while simultaneously searching the web for flights to Canada.

Well that's what she SHOULD be doing, right now!

(Lightheartness aside, I get the feeling that there is much more to this than the OP stated).

Just book your flight and go.

He’s not the boss of you.

I went abroad for 3 weeks to see my family without DH, it wouldn’t have occurred to me ask him! (It’s not a country he would visit).

Thats lovely of him!! If my hubby said that after going away himself without me damn right locks on doors would be change the very next time he left the house Id be changing them. Though I would be nice id make sure hes clothes were waiting outside for him too.

If you have your own finances and don't have to beg his approval for your own visits abroad, you can visit anywhere you like