He goes away, I can’t

[Aspire5253]

DH has been away to Europe without me twice this year. Once with a family member and once to stay with friends. When I was younger I used to visit Canada regularly. I know people there but they are not close friends. I considered going again, alone, as a kind of last hurrah, and relive a few old memories. (I’m 61 but fit).DH says No way and half jokingly that if I went he would change the locks. Basically there is no way I can go. We have plenty of money so the only issue is me going without him. Am I wrong to be annoyed at this attitude.

Does he actually gives you a good spending money to live day to day life. You say the money is plenty but his attitude to it, you as a human being and someone who has to stay in the house and keep for him when he goes away, seems very territorial

The answer to this is… “I’ve decided I’m off on hols alone to x. You want to change the locks whilst I’m gone?? Hahaha. How daft. That would mean I'd have to come back and take half of everything we collectively own. Byeeeee”

Thanks for those that replied. I am truly grateful but a bit alarmed by the number of people telling me to get divorced. My husband is an amazing man who does so much for me. He doesn’t want me to go for various reasons. None of them come from a bad place, except maybe selfishness. but I’m still annoyed. He will miss me, be worried about me, worried he won’t cope without me etc . I will probably go to Canada but there’s no divorce pending. Thanks again to all who offered help and advice

You're 61 not 91! Just go. Why do you need his permission, he's not the boss.

I bet he's one of those that does fuck all in the house and couldn't tell his arse from his elbow even if you drew him a diagram.

His comment about changing the locks is despicable too. Prick.

Next time he goes off on a jaunt, plan your own holiday to coincide and CHANGE THE LOCKS. Come back and divorce the toe-rag.

He threatened to change the locks if you go away ! Sorry but that’s not coming from a good place !
I am older than you and have a couple of trips away without DH every year and I simply cannot imagine him saying I can’t go .

He says you cant go, who made him the boss of you? Why are you allowing this situation to continue to the point where you BOTH think that he can decide what you are and are not allowed to do?

He is worried he cant cope without you? Sorry are you talking about a toddler or a grown ass man?!

Does he get up to mischief on his trips, and is afraid you will too?

I'm not surprised by the responses OP!
Any excuse for a bit of misandry from some MNs 🙄

Gosh OP
None of that is a ‘good place’.
Stopping someone from travelling from selfishness is not ‘a good place’. A bit late to say nip it in the bud, but perhaps set some new rules.

Amazing men do not say they'll change the locks if you go on holiday. Is it possible he's only "amazing" when you do as expected/told/don't rock the boat?

Your husband is a prick - you do you!

Her husband isn't allowing her to go on holiday when he himself does regularly. I'm not sure how it's misandry to say that is completely unreasonable, controlling and yes, divorce worthy!

I was gobsmacked to read you are 61. I was assuming you would be mid thirties or forties with children he didn't want to watch solo.

Completely unreasonable for him to kick off at you wanting a solo holiday when he does the same frequently. Book the holiday.

It’s up to you- you have 2 choices.
You can do what your husband says - and never go to Canada. Or you can go. Both are up to you. Not him.

He copes just fine when he goes to Europe without you.

Her husband says ‘no way’ to her taking a trip alone and that he only half jokingly threatens to ‘change the locks?’

Objecting to that is misandry?

If you think that's misandry, I'd hate to see what you think misogyny is.

I would suggest you get hold of your passport NOW and hide it really well. He may try to scupper your plans when he realises you’re serious.

He doesn't sound lovely at all. Everything you say is self-interest on his part, not love and concern for you.

He has no legal right to lock you out of your shared marital home.

Tell him to fuck right off.

Why can't you go away with him (IF you would want to? )

But you really need to address his downright controlling and abusive attitude.

If he goes away again I would leave for an airport 10 mins after he leaves the house, arrive home the day before he is due back and put all his stuff in bin bags on the doorstep.

But really OP, are you OK?

Is he controlling and abusive in other areas of your life?

Worry about missing you and not coping without you didn't stop him from going away though did it so sorry but that's bullshit.

I guess if you think this is an amazing man, there's not much anyone can do.

'He will miss you' - so why did he go on his own twice then if he will miss you so much.

'He won't be able to cope without you.' - if a grown adult man seriously cannot cope without his wife, then that it absolutely pathetic and embarrassing. I really hope you don't mean the cooking and chores.

Why did you post then op? If he is so amazing?

Exactly this.
There is no sense in the original post in the light of the update.