He goes away, I can’t

[Aspire5253]

DH has been away to Europe without me twice this year. Once with a family member and once to stay with friends. When I was younger I used to visit Canada regularly. I know people there but they are not close friends. I considered going again, alone, as a kind of last hurrah, and relive a few old memories. (I’m 61 but fit).DH says No way and half jokingly that if I went he would change the locks. Basically there is no way I can go. We have plenty of money so the only issue is me going without him. Am I wrong to be annoyed at this attitude.

I really need more information. Why ?

Turn it back on him. Next time he wants to go, say exactly what he said to you back at him.

What’s his problem, OP? Have you asked him exactly why he can travel but you can’t?

re. Changing the locks. If the house is jointly owned, that’s illegal. I’d book your tickets and go!

So you are married to a controlling abusive prick for a long time who travels when he likes but has threatened to change the locks if you leave on a holiday without his permission?

I am around your age.
Do you know what Coercive control is?
Its a crime.
HE is committing a crime by threatening you.
There is no half joking about it.
Contact Women's aid and ask for help getting legal advice.
Time to gather all your financial information and take photos of it.
I think you would be much happier divorced.
I find it very hard to believe this is the only area your husband abuses you in.

I'm on a FB group about slow travel, they're all off for months at a time and are much older than you.

Secure your finances.

Go, enjoy yourself. Deal with the prick when you get back.

Seriously? DH couldn't wait to get rid of me last year for a week. He took a week off and looked after the then 1 & 4 year olds. We've already discussed further solo travel when both the kids are in school and can use holiday clubs.

You are 61 and with no dependants, what is his issue? I would imagine it's a lack of control over you like he probably has to some extent with you at home.

He might be jealous that his were "cheap" trips but yours is a "dear" long distance one?

Why is there ‘no way’ you can go? What would he do?

Do you ever go away together?

Whats his rationale? Will he discuss it at all? If so, I would listen and refute his points. If not, I would book myself a holiday and text him when I was at the airport!

Eh? Why are you putting up with this? (Hint: don’t).

Book your holiday Shirley Valentine and leave him the film to watch whilst you’re gone. Let him work it out for himself.

The only thing stopping you going is yourself OP. Get booking!

But why are you asking his permission to go on holiday, OP?

Of course you can go, he isn't your keeper op, do you have access to funds? Or is he financially abusive as well?

It’s really sad that at 61 years of age you have to have your husbands permission to travel alone.

Just book a holiday and tell him if he changes the locks, you’ll see him in the divorce courts.

What a controlling prick!

Is it joint money? Can he withhold it from you?

What have you said to him when he says No?

Just go. Seriously, why wouldn’t you? If he ends your marriage because you take a trip then you’re marriage isn’t worth anything. So it isn’t worth saving.

Does he think he’s the boss of you?

Just book it and if he kicks off, get legal advice. Please don’t carry on being bullied like this. 💐

What do you mean “ I can’t “? Of course you can, just go.

I hope OP is busy on Skyscanner and Bookings.com. right this minute.

OP, you say you are financially ok, with plenty of money. Do you have equal access to it? Just wondered if that might be what's preventing you going.

You're an adult, you have plenty of money. Of course you can go. Stop pandering to this ridiculous man.

You are 61, not dead.

You sound like you think your life is over.

Well it is, if you accept that 'you aren't allowed' to go to Europe by yourself.

What does he think will happen? You'll run off with an Italian Stud? Well quite frankly you should.

This is unlikely to be his only control mechanism.

Just book it and go. DH is an arse.