He goes away, I can’t

[Aspire5253]

DH has been away to Europe without me twice this year. Once with a family member and once to stay with friends. When I was younger I used to visit Canada regularly. I know people there but they are not close friends. I considered going again, alone, as a kind of last hurrah, and relive a few old memories. (I’m 61 but fit).DH says No way and half jokingly that if I went he would change the locks. Basically there is no way I can go. We have plenty of money so the only issue is me going without him. Am I wrong to be annoyed at this attitude.

DH says No way and half jokingly that if I went he would change the locks.

what do you say back?

Fuck. That. Shit. Do women really live like this?!

Wow OP I thought this was going to be because you have young DC who you don't feel able to leave with him - a situation I have been in. But I'm thinking of my 60s as a time when I'm hoping to do whatever I like and travel the world, if I can afford it. He doesn't get to decide this, you're an adult.

How on earth does he justify that?
He can go away but you can't because... ?

With that attitude I’d be more determined to go and if I came back to the locks changed I’d call the police who would inform him that he cannot prevent me access to MY HOUSE. Silly little prick. Who does he think he is?
After I got back and put him in his box I’d divorce him and take him for every penny he had. What a twat

I'm wondering why you're still married to him. No way would I stand for that attitude.
In your shoes I would just make the arrangements and tell him when you're going. 😎

My guess is that he’s up to something on these trips that he doesn’t want you to get up to.

leave and take half the money with you.

Life is too short do what you like and ignore him! My gran travelled to Canada alone in her late 80s. My elderly dad had always wanted to visit SE Asia but was undecided about wether he would manage and in end he went. I'm so glad he did as it was start of 2020 and the decline in his health over the last few years means he won't travel again

Am I wrong to be annoyed at this attitude
you are wrong for not laughing in his face & then doing as you please

You sound so accepting of this situation 😳Are you also under lock and key with a curfew?
No one should dictate where you can and can’t go. I thought from the headline you were going to be a breast-feeding mother or nursing someone close to you who is dying so you would find it very difficult to go.
Why on earth could you not go?

Why , OP , are you saying 'Basically , there's no way I can go' ? What is stopping you ?

Wow. At first I thought you had young dependents and was wondering why he could head off and you couldn't go, but you've no dependents I'm assuming? Life is too short for his shit. Please go!

@Aspire5253

What is actually stopping you? Are you afraid of him? At 61 I'm assuming you've been married a long time so has he always controlled what you do or is this something new?

Do you not have access to money? Do you really think he'd change the locks? BTW, even if he did he'd have to change them right back. You can't lock someone out of a jointly owned home. Are you afraid he will hurt you, either verbally or physically?

DH and I have been married for 3+ decades. He in no way would tell me what I could or couldn't do, nor does he control our finances. If he tried that, I would leave. Have you thought about leaving? If so, maybe we can help you find a way

Outrageous!! And you're not old at 61. I went to South America and Antarctica on my own last year and I was 69!! DH was pleased he didn't have to go with me.

Im 60 and go away with my girlfriends and have also gone to America to visit friends on my own . We have been married almost 30 years and my husband is fine . We have gone away before together but he likes to go to festivals which are not my thing . It’s only a long weekend am I’m fine with him going .
I think we need to know WHY your husband won’t let you go ? Is he the jealous possessive type? Is he genuinely worried about you ? Is he is bad health himself, causing him to feel insecure if you go? There could be a lot of reasons why he doesn’t want you to go. It boils down to trust at the end of the day and you really need to get to the bottom of it as if he doesn’t trust you , it could be he’s not trustworthy and turning his own negative ways on you . You need to explain a little more before anyone can give you proper advice . You need to have your freedom in a marriage , and 61 is not old . I’m already planning my next girly holiday . It’s what keeps me going ! We need to have a life too x

But how can he stop you from going away?

What?

You know you don't need your husband's permission to go and enjoy yourself, right?

Or does he think he has some kind of ownership over you?

Jeez.

61? Are you ill? You could have 33 more years.
Go and let him change locks
Then see a lawyer and divorce him
He is not your keeper

He’s controlling.

Divorce him and spend the rest of your fit life travelling and having fun.

You don’t want to get to 70/80 and have health problems and regret not doing these things sooner.

Do you earn your own money? Do you have access to it that he cannot access? So you have your passport somewhere secret?

You should go away and change the locks before you go!

@Aspire5253 you should be angry and insulted by his attitude not just annoyed. And BTW it's illegal for him to prevent you from entering your own property.

I don't see anything in your post which indicates that there's no way you could go.

What would happen if you did?

Of course you're not wrong. You are married to a selfish, controlling bastard, though. Go on that trip.