Negativity around boys from mums of girls

[mills8]

Yesterday we found out we are expecting our second baby boy which we are both really excited about. My first little boy, almost 3 is nothing but an absolute joy. He's so chatty, sweet, hilarious, kind and loving and everything with him has always been so easy, he's been a dream to raise and I feel so lucky to be having another. If I could copy and paste him I'd have 10 of him. He's the blonde haired blue eyed boy I always saw in my mind when I pictured him.

Yesterday I seen a post on social media from a mother having her second boy and how disappointed she was, the comments were absolutely filled with people saying the same and how disappointed they were and so many mothers of girls saying they were terrified their precious baby girls were going to be boys and they would never want one so could understand the disappointment. It's not just on that post though, I have seen it countless times on here too and other posts on SM and it's really sad, why is there such negativity around boys? Especially second ones, people seem to really pity parents having a second boy. Is it people just being narrow minded? Why do people have kids if they're set on only one sex? I feel quite sad about the negativity and hoping to hear from some wise mumsnetters. Am I really going to be missing out when they are older?

Congratulations on your pregnancy 😃
I think this situation goes both ways, I’ve seen plenty of women saying they don’t want girls, they get on better with boys in general and girls are hard work and boys are easier. Just gender stereotypes, every child has their own personality.
I have one of each and they are both very different people in their own right.

I’ll be honest, I’m currently pregnant (and being induced) with my first who is a boy and at first I did have gender disappointment. But it cleared up pretty quickly and now I can’t imagine our boy being anything/anyone else!

It’s a shame that some people aren’t able to escape that mentality though, of being disappointed. It’s certainly weird when it’s people expressing disappointment for others.

I agree with you on this, it makes my heart sink to my feet when people ‘favour’ a sex and express ‘disappointment’ when they find out at a ‘private 16 week gender scan’.

I think they would be better to not find out before birth to grow a bond in later pregnancy- perhaps the feelings of disappointment wouldn’t be so intense.

My DS recently desperately wanted a boy.

People who express gender disappointment for others pregnancy 😵

Yes there is a lot of this about. People saying oh that’s a shame if someone announces a 3rd boy for example. I had 2 boys and a girl and I admit I was desperate for a DD. I have to say though my boys were definitely easier to raise, and I’m very close to both of them, both adults now. There’s a lot of stupid sayings too that refer to mums of boys losing them when they marry etc and you are automatically going to be closer to an adult DD, which is certainly not always the case. Just ignore. Same sex siblings is great, and especially for the kids if they’ve got things in common.

A women once patted me on the arm and said she was so sorry that I had been so unlucky to have 2 boys. I was shocked stunned I said nothing but I wish I had. I love having boys, they have bern both a joy and stressful but no more on less than any other dc.

Yes there definitely seems to be more 'pity' about having boys. It's strange. I have 3 sons and when my last was born one person even said 'don't worry I'm sure next time it will be a girl'
not even a congratulations!

Congratulations! Boys are great! I come from a ‘girl’ family and was nervous when I had a boy but it’s been amazing and my sibling has also had boys and they are a truly fantastic little gang.

what I’ve realised since having my own children, and surely most people do ?, is that they come out fully formed with their own personalities!

You get it on here every day. Women posting that they're "devastated" to be having a boy. It's incredibly tone-deaf.

Sounds like you are exactly the kind of person the OP is talking about.

I don't think anyone who has such strong preferences should be having kids at all. It's always the mother of 2 girls with the 'I'm soo lucky I only have girls' what is it that is so awful to you about boys?

I have 2 girls and a boy and he was so much easier to a point! He’s still a joy now as an adult.

I think the trend for a ‘mini me’ is awful - why does an adult want to dress like a little girl? Matching bows anyone?

The trend to raise girls like their mothers instead of embracing their personalities is just awful.

'Sounds like you are exactly the kind of person the OP is talking about'.

Absolutely! It wasn't going to be long before they came on with their ignorant comments 😅

You get it both ways. My friend booked an abortion at 17 weeks when she found out she was having a girl! She ended up having the baby but still at 12 years old her mum still complains about her sex.
I have three sons and also 2 daughters. They are all a pain in the arse wonderful equally

You feel sad because other people had a preference? Why, it has no baring on you? Why do you need people to tell you how good boys are?

It's always the mother of 2 girls with the 'I'm soo lucky I only have girls'

Don’t agree, I see mothers of 2 boys saying the same thing. How lucky they are to have boys, how glad they are to not have a teenage girl, how difficult girls are etc.

We call them SMOGs, smug mum
of girls. Boys are seen as the consultation prize, something to be pitied, particularly the 2nd, a situation that you sort of failed in.
it’s unkind, and it’s often women who tell you how unlucky you are.

in a way your are though, just look at the thousands of post about the hated mils, so maybe we are to be pitied

DP called his mother yesterday to tell her and the first thing she said was 'omg is it a girl?!' and then her reaction when DP told her it was a boy was clear disappointment. I feel like not really telling people if this is the reaction I'm going to get.

It’s so weird because in most cultures boys are favoured over girls and the patriarchy is alive and well so in theory boys should do better.

I think some of it is a misguided attempt at having a “mini me” - a best friend they can dress up and hang out with 🤮

Sure it causes long term harm, not good to put such emphasis on gender and gender “ideals” that’s causing a whole bucket of problems for this gen.

I've never understood it op.

I have four sisters, and having my DS has been a delight in contrast. He's a kind, calm, logical, happy teen. The lack of drama and spite has been a joy. I wouldn't change a thing. 😊

I am a mum of 2 boys. I genuinely had no preference. I wouldn't change a thing. My boys are fantastic.

I have 2 close friends who have both told me that they have the perfect family of 1 boy and 1 girl without even trying to offend. People just don't think about their comments. But they also both say "boys are like this" "girls are more like this". No that is your child you are talking about, not all boys or all girls. Everyone is different regardless of their genitals

Op my ds is 22 now. Taller than me and one of my favourite people in the world. He was different to raise to his sisters but oh I wouldn't want the world without him.

I find it goes the other way too though. When I was expecting no 2 and she was a girl (I did want a girl as I wanted dd1 to have a sister but would have been happy with a boy) "people said awww shame". And "are you disappointed? ' when ds arrived we got "oh you got your boy" (actually I just wanted another baby)

Dd2s best friend is expecting a boy and their circle is thrilled and so excited for them. Will be the first child in their friend group and he has 3 excited "aunts to be" waiting to spoil him

Boys are amazing and I utterly get your wish for10 of your ds.

Massive congratulations on your second baby!

The mind boggles at how much people care about the sex of other people's babies. Interestingly I have experienced this but with having two girls. I couldn't have cared less what I had, especially with my second after suffering losses and a difficult pregnancy. But the amount of tone deaf comments about how disappointed I must be, how my DH must be disappointed, how I was going to have a nightmare time once they're teenagers and surely I wasn't going to stop at 2 children if I hadn't yet had a boy!

I never know what to say in the moment because I'm always so shocked that people have the audacity to say these things aloud, not to mention it couldn't be further from the truth. I love my girls and I would have loved them just as much had they been boys, we are so blessed to have had our children no matter their sex.

I don't understand gender disappointment either, I just felt blessed to be able to have the children I do have.

I will never forget after my second son was born someone saying to me "oh never mind, better luck next time" but a friend who had a second girl was met with "oh how adorable, they will have such a lovely bond" (we were stood together at the time too, same person who made the comment to us both).

It really infuriated me, I will always feel like the luckiest mum ever with my adorable boys, they are truly amazing and make me so proud everyday.

Yes I agree it was even like that when I had my second ds 29 years ago, girls were considered "first prize". I went on to have my third ds and the comments I got from some people were downright rude. My boys are lovely, I had them all round for dinner last night, we had a great evening.

I have seen just as much negativity around having all girls as all boys, on here probably more.
I think though a lot of people would think the ideal is one of each, so you would have had similar comments from the same people if you were having a second girl.

What there is far more of is parents of boys complaining about these comments, particularly aiming it at mothers of girls. I don't think I've ever seen a post like this the other way round.

I have a both, always wanted both, and all have their own joys and challenges.