Negativity around boys from mums of girls

[mills8]

Yesterday we found out we are expecting our second baby boy which we are both really excited about. My first little boy, almost 3 is nothing but an absolute joy. He's so chatty, sweet, hilarious, kind and loving and everything with him has always been so easy, he's been a dream to raise and I feel so lucky to be having another. If I could copy and paste him I'd have 10 of him. He's the blonde haired blue eyed boy I always saw in my mind when I pictured him.

Yesterday I seen a post on social media from a mother having her second boy and how disappointed she was, the comments were absolutely filled with people saying the same and how disappointed they were and so many mothers of girls saying they were terrified their precious baby girls were going to be boys and they would never want one so could understand the disappointment. It's not just on that post though, I have seen it countless times on here too and other posts on SM and it's really sad, why is there such negativity around boys? Especially second ones, people seem to really pity parents having a second boy. Is it people just being narrow minded? Why do people have kids if they're set on only one sex? I feel quite sad about the negativity and hoping to hear from some wise mumsnetters. Am I really going to be missing out when they are older?

I think if you’re happy and made up to have two boys that’s really all you need to think about. A lot of people do have a preference and that’s OK too.

Well the OP is saying she’s lucky to have her “blonde haired blue eyed boy”, does that mean she pities mothers with dark haired sons?!

I don’t agree. Also work with a lot of high earners (and am one myself) and it’s usually women prefer girls men prefer boys.

We didn’t find out the sex with either of ours but I anticipated some disappointment’ from the same quarter so I got in first with plenty of comments about how another boy would be great when they were asking what I thought I was having. I also dropped the occasional one about how bloody awful it is to express disappointment and neither of mine were ever going to be a disappointment and if I thought they were to anyone they wouldn’t be seeing much of them.

That did the trick - at be least at the time. I’ve had the odd comment over the years trying to get me to join in with their disappointment at not having a DD of their own but I push back firmly every time.

It’s also worth noting that I knew these views were held even though I’d had three mcs.

Unbelievable.

It made me absolutely cringe but I don’t think she meant it in the way it had potential to come across.

What’s supposed to be wrong with boys?!

People say stupid things regardless of the gender. It will be airheads who think having a girl means pretty dresses, dancing and make up. Ignore them.

For countless generations across the world, baby girls have been disfavoured so much as to be disposed of often before birth. So a small blip in this trend is ok, surely

I would have thought so. I have 3 girls and haven't once felt deprived or a smidgeon of regret over not having a boy.

This always seems to be such a thing on mumsnet. There are always comments about how boys are easier, less arguments, less drama and as a mother of both it gets my goat. In real life I've always seen it the other way around ie boys being preferred over girls. My sister has 2 boys and noone has commented anything like that to her. She would have liked a dd as she cannot have anymore children. It doesn't mean she doesn't love her son or would exchange him. I have girl boy , girl and was told by an idiot I know that I shouldn't have a 4th incase it's another girl. I told said idiot to mind her own but I refuse to argue with stupid.

People get defensive when it comes to this. There has already been posts about boys being great, well yes they are but so are girls. Also some have already responded thst boys are easier to raise without reslising that whilst it mauy be their experience but it is quite a big generalisation to make. I firmly believe you get what is best for you. It's ok to say that you are happy with your lot and that doesn't mean you are putting anyone else down. Congratulations on your little one, wishing you a happy, healthy pregnancy.

I had a thump of disappointment initially when I discovered I was having a boy, because I didn’t like boys. My brother and his mates drove me mad and I’d always preferred the company of women. I anticipated a girl because I was a girl (completely stupid, I’d just not put anything thought into it)

He was the greatest baby the world had ever seen (I wish I was being ironic but I was honestly besotted).

When baby 2 was also a boy, I had so many people commiserate, or ask if we’d “try again for a girl?” It was so frequent I eventually snapped.

”Which of my wonderful sons would you suggest I swap?”

They didn’t ask again.

Boys are lovely, girls are lovely - because babies are lovely. Anyone experiencing something more than a momentary disappointment to their expectations needs to think long and hard about whether they are suited to being a parent.

How ironic. 🙄

Sure, but the same could be said for people saying “I’m lucky to have two girls”. I’m having a little girl and I certainly feel very lucky. I’m sure I’d also feel lucky to be having a little boy (I know some lovely, adorable boys) and if we are lucky enough to have a second I’ll be equally thrilled whether it’s a boy or a girl.

I think some women feel sad if they never have a daughter and get to experience that female relationship and I think that’s understandable.

You can’t manage other people’s reactions, though. Their mad shit is their mad shit. When we told PILs we were having a baby (and we were living abroad and had just flown in) MIL said brightly ‘An only is a lonely!’

When we found out he was a boy (we knew he would not have siblings) both SILs sent me sympathetic texts, assuming I was disappointed, because they had been desperate to ‘get their girls’. When I said, perfectly truthfully, that I’d had no preference, they thought I was just “being brave’.

Treat it as mildly irritating but nothing you need to bother about.

So many vile people out there putting on social media that they are disappointed over a boy or a girl. They're damaging children even before they're born. So depressing.

Congrats on your pregnancy op! 😊

I think much depends on what your own world looks like before the child arrived. I was involved in what would typically be consider more likely to be male orientated activities prior to DC being born so I was thrilled when I found out I was having a DS.

My life has always been more about football than fairies!

I also agree with this, I’ve seen quite a lot of girl bashing on gender threads about how girls are bitchy, a nightmare, not close to their mums etc etc. I personally don’t think this is gender dependent and is more to do with the individual child. The two most “nightmare” children I know are both boys FWIW. I know well behaved and difficult children of both sexes.

@YaWeeFurryBastard it was specifically the blue eyed blonde hair thing … not wanting to berate as I know she didn’t mean it that way but it’s got connotations with recentish history where people with that colouring were seen as superior and I did wince a bit when I read it.

That aside I do understand that it’s upsetting when people make stupid comments but I think it has the potential to upset when it’s a sore point for you. I didn’t find out the sex with my second, in the main because I did have a preference, and people showing enthusiasm for a girl made me feel it would be a huge anti climax if she’d been a boy. But the truth is it just is that way, in the UK at least: baby girls are more valued and dare I say monetised than boys. That’s awful but it’s nothing to do with me or my family and so all I say is I have a boy and a girl who are loved and cherished, just as they would be if they were two boys.

I don't know why people have to justify why they love their boys. They're always saying things like "he's so easy" or "he's so loving"
You're allowed to love them even if theyre difficult and moody.
To raise children is a huge challenge so it's important to put the effort in to do it well. Parent the child you have, love them, give them good self esteem and hopefully, they'll grow to be amazing wonderful adults. It really doesn't matter if they're bots or girls. Humanity needs both.

When I was expecting my second girl my mother asked me if I was disappointed. I was so annoyed by that. I had three girls then the fourth was a boy. Everyone was so happy and 'thank goodness' about that. I really didn't care. My DH really didn't care. Four girls would have been fine (as would four boys have been). At least after that no-one really cared what the next two were.

I’ve got one of each and yes I feel very lucky. I do still wonder what our family would have looked like with 2 the same. But then I wonder what it would have looked like with 3. And sometimes (shhhhh) what it would have looked like with 1 😳😂

I think women with two children, one of each sex are probably unique in that it seems to be the ONLY combination that doesn’t get negatively remarked on.

but actually I’m one of a boy/girl combo and a little part of me would have loved to have watched a same-sex sibling dynamic up close.

Gender stereotyping is ridiculous and quite negative. My football playing DD has a delightful girlfriend.

congrations op! I also have two boys! I love them to bits they are my life and joy! I wouldn’t change them for the world. Each have their own personalities and each one gorgeous!

There’s certainly often a lot on MN about teen girls almost inevitably being a nightmare, which really does irritate me. It’s certainly not inevitable - our two never were.

I agree but it’s also completely fine to have a pink loving ballet obsessed DD and a tractor obsessed fireman Sam loving DS <side eyes own child>