Negativity around boys from mums of girls

[mills8]

Yesterday we found out we are expecting our second baby boy which we are both really excited about. My first little boy, almost 3 is nothing but an absolute joy. He's so chatty, sweet, hilarious, kind and loving and everything with him has always been so easy, he's been a dream to raise and I feel so lucky to be having another. If I could copy and paste him I'd have 10 of him. He's the blonde haired blue eyed boy I always saw in my mind when I pictured him.

Yesterday I seen a post on social media from a mother having her second boy and how disappointed she was, the comments were absolutely filled with people saying the same and how disappointed they were and so many mothers of girls saying they were terrified their precious baby girls were going to be boys and they would never want one so could understand the disappointment. It's not just on that post though, I have seen it countless times on here too and other posts on SM and it's really sad, why is there such negativity around boys? Especially second ones, people seem to really pity parents having a second boy. Is it people just being narrow minded? Why do people have kids if they're set on only one sex? I feel quite sad about the negativity and hoping to hear from some wise mumsnetters. Am I really going to be missing out when they are older?

So ridiculous. I have two boys and when pregnant with my third I can't tell you how many comments I had about hopefully it would be a girl- I answered each time by saying I'd actually love a third boy.

So what would you have done if you'd had boys then- given them back/put them up for adoption? sued your lucky stars for breach of contract?

Nothing at all wrong with a preference but its silly dramatic statements like this that make me roll my eyes into my head and its exactly what the OP means.

I think the thing with this though, is that people post on anonymous forums quite often because they are expressing things that they know won’t really go down well elsewhere.

my mid thirties Dbro spends lots of time with my mum and no one would dare call him a mummy’s boy. They might post it anonymously here but that doesn’t affect him or my mum at all.

we all know it’s not really socially acceptable to call men mummies boys and wouldn’t do it in public. I should imagine that there are equally (and much more) offensive things written about women all over the internet but we know that doesn’t make it socially acceptable or even true.

the grandparent thing - women are probably more likely to turn to their mums initially in the very early stages but it’s been my observation that once the baby/child becomes more than just an extension of their mother (after the newborn phase) it tends to even out. And once child care is a consideration it’s just whoever is willing and able! Boy mums might be taking a backseat for the first few months but after that it seems to be pretty even. Certainly is the case for me. Actually with my second it was MIL who helped out most during the newborn phase because she was able to and my own DM wasn’t. My kids love both sets of GPs equally.

I find it interesting that these sorts of comments are sternly corrected but the women saying they wanted boys are not.

Speaking of adoption, most people who do adopt express a preference for a girl (of course not everyone gets what they want) and given that many will come to adoption due to fertility issues it shows preferences don’t stop when you struggle to conceive.

I think it is more that people in the west widely perceive girls as easier, harder working, more compliant and diligent, less boisterous or likely to get into trouble when they're older, etc.

I find it interesting that these sorts of comments are sternly corrected but the women saying they wanted boys are not

I think anyone who feels that strongly about a certain gender should maybe think about their ability to parent effectively. If you are literally going to be bereft by having one gender and not love them as much (which is what is implied) then thats a serious issue.

As I say, nothing wrong with having a preference but acting like you're going to be devastated with one gender is quite troubling for that child and it will affect them if thats how you genuinely feel.

I have 3 boys and they are my absolute joy, and I never wanted anything different. I never wished for a girl, but definitely heard all of the comments, particularly from my MIL, who has 3 sons and has always wished for a girl, its actually pathetic how much she laments over the fact she never had a girl. When me and my SIL (she has 2 boys) were pregnant she was always wishing each child was a girl, comments like "I finally get my girl!" So much so that my BIL actually apologised to MIL when they found out the sex of DN2. 🙄

Congratulations on your pregnancy, your sons will be an absolute joy!

It's strange and I was never aware of this until the Internet. If anything I was aware of people preferring boys before then.
I think it tends to be people who are into stereotyping. Girls are pink and bitchy etc

I agree but I’m not seeing that from the comment you posted?

What a sap your BIL is!

That’s not what a huge amount of comments on this thread are saying …

Because the comment was about girls and the thread is about wanting girls......

I thanked my lucky stars to be told there were no concerns about my baby’s health and development at my 20 week anomaly scan - which for too many people is just a “gender (sex!) scan.” I was then so happy to have a healthy, live baby after a bad birth. I remember meeting up with friends after my anomaly scan and forgetting to tell them the sex as I really didn’t care. We only found out as my husband just wanted to know.

It’s as if people really don’t realise some people are told that their baby has a disability that’ll affect their quality of life at the twenty week “gender” scan, or a condition that’ll be life limiting.

100% tone deaf comment… you must have little going on in your life if ‘everyday’ you thank your lucky stars you have girls 🤣

No wonder boys/men are so messed up these days if their mothers never wanted them.

Yes, it makes me really sad too. I have one of each but would have been happy with two boys or two girls.
What gets me down most, is mums of girls who think it's fine to say such negative things about boys.
I have two friends and we often go out to dinner together. Between them they have 5 girls (no boys). We often have conversations where they talk about how happy they are they don't have boys. One said, " When I was told I having a girl at the scan, I cried with relief". The other said "I screamed with happiness!". Then there are comments like "Every day I thank God i have girls". I know another mum who has three girls abd she said "I'm so thankful I only have girls".
I just find it bizarre! Strange they think this but also strange they openly say this to a mum of a boy. I find it offensive.

@duchessofsilk that isn’t what I meant. The poster stated that she had two girls, was pleased to have two girls and thanked her lucky stars every day she had them. She didn’t say (unless I missed it?) anything bad about boys or that she wouldn’t love a boy or would put one up for adoption.

The OP posted that she has a boy she adores and is thrilled to be having another boy. She was very enthusiastic about the virtues of her first son and excited to replicate with another.

So we have two mothers each with only one sex and both made up with that. Is that a bad thing? Isn’t it just that we think our own children are fabulous whatever sex they are?

I don’t see anyone biting at the OP that ‘well if your second was a girl would you have her adopted?’ or anything like that. It’s an extreme stance to take. I wanted a girl, I got a girl, I was delighted and still feel so, so lucky I got her. It doesn’t mean if she was a boy she wouldn’t be loved or that I’d want him adopted!

Some of my friends are a bit like that @SallyWD - my NCT group is very girl heavy and although I have both now my first was a boy while they all had girls. They are so so negative about boys, it is upsetting and I’ve had to limit contact a bit now DS is at an age where he’d understand.

One said, " When I was told I having a girl at the scan, I cried with relief". The other said "I screamed with happiness!". Then there are comments like "Every day I thank God i have girls". I know another mum who has three girls abd she said "I'm so thankful I only have girls".
I just find it bizarre! Strange they think this but also strange they openly say this to a mum of a boy. I find it offensive

To me, those kind of comments indicate an insecurity, kind of overcompensating.

🤭🤣

Yeah, it is honestly pathetic how they pander to her. My own DH doesn't, thankfully!

She actually cried when she found out the sex of her DS3, and tells people, why just why! Thank god she never did get a girl or granddaughter, her preference would have been in plain sight.

Boys are great!

Really strange! I think it is the 'mini me' obsession which I think can be unhealthy. We've just found out our first is a little boy, I didn't have a preference but my husband leaned slightly more girl - I really emphasised from the beginning that I thought baby was a boy so it helped us both visualise him as a he until we found out.

We are both over the moon, have named him and can't wait to meet him! I can't picture him as anyone else and I hope our second and potentially third are boys too, brothers would be so cute!

I completely understand though any parents who can't picture their kids any other way eg parents of girls who are glad they had girls, of boys who are glad they had boys. I think any gender is great and kids have their own amazing personalities as individuals

I think this is very bizarre. Really odd and I would wonder why they feel so strongly about it.

Clearly I am a Deeply Repressed Individual. I have never in my life ‘screamed with happiness’. Not at a pregnancy scan nor the Sistine Chapel ceiling.

Isn’t it just that we think our own children are fabulous whatever sex they are?

Er, nope. She didnt say "I thank my lucky stars every day for my children" she said "I thank my lucky stars every day that I had girls" which implies having a boy wouldnt have been lucky and would have been negative in some way. Thats the entire point.

The thread is literally about negative reactions to boys hence her comment. Therefore, I am wondering how she would have felt had they been boys- very negative clearly.

Years ago, they never told you the sex of your baby at scans anyway. It was better that way IMO.

What I find weirder than a preference for one sex or the other, is this obsession with what sex the baby is. “When can they tell?” “I’m paying for a private gender scan!” “Come to my gender reveal!” All so very silly.

OP, don’t tell others the sex of your baby. Just say you don’t know but you’d be happy with either sex and are very much looking forward to meeting baby.