Negativity around boys from mums of girls

[mills8]

Yesterday we found out we are expecting our second baby boy which we are both really excited about. My first little boy, almost 3 is nothing but an absolute joy. He's so chatty, sweet, hilarious, kind and loving and everything with him has always been so easy, he's been a dream to raise and I feel so lucky to be having another. If I could copy and paste him I'd have 10 of him. He's the blonde haired blue eyed boy I always saw in my mind when I pictured him.

Yesterday I seen a post on social media from a mother having her second boy and how disappointed she was, the comments were absolutely filled with people saying the same and how disappointed they were and so many mothers of girls saying they were terrified their precious baby girls were going to be boys and they would never want one so could understand the disappointment. It's not just on that post though, I have seen it countless times on here too and other posts on SM and it's really sad, why is there such negativity around boys? Especially second ones, people seem to really pity parents having a second boy. Is it people just being narrow minded? Why do people have kids if they're set on only one sex? I feel quite sad about the negativity and hoping to hear from some wise mumsnetters. Am I really going to be missing out when they are older?

Bloody hell, I feel so sorry for those girls if their mothers are so prescriptive. What happens if they have a grand son in the future?

Just awful.

You could equally say that about the OP though @duchessofsilk . I took it very much to mean ‘I have two children of the same sex and wouldn’t swap for one of each.’ But only that poster knows what she meant. I very, very much doubt she’d have put a son up for adoption, though!

We didn’t find out the sex until birth and I was often confused why people were so interested in what genitals the baby would have

Personally I wasn't bothered with the biological sex of our baby as didn't have a preference, but I note the many men who covet having a boy don't get half the judgement women who would prefer a girl get. The crux is it's not acceptable to comment on others pregnancies and children surely?

Agreed!

Both my boy and girl and like me and don’t really like clothes shopping - we are order on line people 😂

@lifeisnotstraigtforward yes imagine the horrible favouritism towards a granddaughter. I'm having a second boy and can't wait!

I'm just hoping for a healthy baby. It took years of trying and fertility treatment to get pregnant and it's still early days for me.

My best friend and my sister in law both got a lot of feedback from people that it was ideal to have their first child be a boy but much less ideal that their second children were also boys. I think that's very silly as each child is their own person, they didn't accidentally receive two of the same thing.

I think it can work both ways where men prefer boys and women girls. I would find both of these attitudes really troubling. When they say I want a boy they don't mean it, they mean they want a boy who likes soccer or is a boys boy. Likewise they want a girl who fits the girl cliche of wearing pink and playing with dolls. If the child doesn't fit their very limited view they will be disappointed and no doubt the child will pick up on it. I have to say, if someone expresses a particularly strong view, I immediately think they are going to be a shit narrow minded parent and lose respect.

whatever about gender disappointment I never had it and don't really get it at all but I don't know what it is about pregnancy /new babies that bring out the absolutely worst in some people and they feel the need to make such ridiculous/rude comments. what's wrong with just a congratulations on your wonderful news, baby! I have three girls, one boy so i got it the other way around when pregnant with ds, people hoping for me that it would be"team blue " I honestly didn't give a shit what sex any of my children were as long as they were happy and healthy. I think the mentality of girls are better stems mainly from gender stereotypes, but any sensible person knows that all children are born with their own little personality. none of my three girls would be considered girly girls in fact ds would be most likely to wear a dress then any of my girls lol. every one of them has their own interests, sense of style etc and I wouldnt have them any other way.

Hmm I don't know, I'm sure some do but there are also other differences between the sexes other than what they might want to wear or hobbies they might enjoy especially when they're older let's be real. Sad reality is that part of me is pleased to have a son because although statistically he's more likely as a man to be violently attacked, to use drugs and other horrible things, women are at far more risk in society. I'd be worried about having a teen daughter for different reasons than having a teenage son for example.

Doesn’t matter what you have people will comment. We had the “perfect” boy followed by girl. Then we had a third and people couldn’t understand why as we had the perfect pair born in the right order.

My sil wanted to be a girl mum. Got two boys now she’s a smug mum of boys about how great they are and that they are boys boys and so rough and tumble. They are completely feral tbh. She’s just over compensating for the fact she did want girls, she would go again but her husband says NO!

My boy isn’t into football or wrestling. My oldest girl Isn’t / wasn’t into dresses or pink or Barbie. My youngest is a girly girl
however. I am not a girly girl 🤷🏻‍♀️😅

In real life I've always seen it the other way around ie boys being preferred over girls. My sister has 2 boys and no one has commented anything like that to her.

That is my experience before I had our daughter. I’ve encountered more how lovely boys are, how easy they are, and how lucky I was to be having one over having girls that it would annoy me. I was not spoiled, extremely easy to the point my mum was suspicious of how easy I was. I just didn’t see the point of engaging in stupidity and putting myself at risk of getting in trouble and damaging my future for teenage antics knowing the likelihood of me getting a light smack on the wrist and just being a teenager was extremely minimal.

After having a daughter, I got plenty of questions. Was I trying for a girl? Would I have gone through another pregnancy if I had had a boy? Was I going to go for another to have an even number of children?

I notice on MN there is quite a bit of anti- female. The amount of posters happy to call other women that they’ve never met (b*tches, cows, cnt’s etc) is crazy. Women on here get a lot of judgment, victim-blaming, and assumption of purposeful slights from other women more than I’ve seen on most platforms.

It pissed me off when after having two boys , people saying ah well try again for a girl and how sad it was I had another boy and how special it was to have one of each ! When there was a perfectly healthy little boy in the pram .

This is ridiculous. So many people feel strongly about this. It doesn’t mean they don’t love their children that they bring into the world as much as any other parent, but the grief of never having the little girl or boy you imagined is also real. Now you are telling these parents they shouldn’t have had children at all! 🤦🏼‍♀️ Give your head a wobble please.

Only read the first page but is no one else picking up on ‘blonde haired blue eyed boy’????
sorry what?

feedback from people that it was ideal to have their first child be a boy but much less ideal that their second children were also boys.

Yes, it be heard this too. But it’s because if there was a Venn diagram of a) people who might have “gender” disappointment and b) people who say gendered bullshit like “I want a boy first then a girl so her big brother can look after her 😍” there’d probably be a bit of an overlap.

My DD can perfectly handle herself without a big brother. 😂

Yeah. All those poor brown eyes boys or brown haired or ginger clearly. And let’s not get started on race because I don’t know many blonde haired blue eyed Afrikaans

I’ve** heard this too

Yeh I noticed that 😬. It made my toes curl a bit.

I mean I’d be pretty surprised and probably a little disappointed if mine weren’t blonde hair blue eyes looking at my husband and I 😂. But yes, it is a little strange to comment on it!

Why would you be disappointed just out of curiosity? This makes less sense to me than gender disappointment…

I kind of meant that they wouldn’t look like us at all - ie that they certainly weren’t my husbands. Although clumsy comment to be fair because we have had a couple red heads crop into the mix for cousins! But yes, every single one of the cousins on my husbands side and on mine bar two red heads are vvv blonde!

I don't understand why people say there is no difference between boys and girls in threads like this, but from other threads people clearly think there is a difference between men and women and the relationship with daughters/sons - as PP have said, the MIL hate, the anti-men sentiment ect.

I don't know of anyone who has a gender preference because of stereotypical football/ballet reasons. It's more based on who the child will become as an adult. I see it on here and in real life that women tend to be closer to their families than men

MN loves to hate on men, then gets outraged that someone might lean towards wanting a girl

Thanks utter nonsense as a high earner myself.