Negativity around boys from mums of girls

[mills8]

Yesterday we found out we are expecting our second baby boy which we are both really excited about. My first little boy, almost 3 is nothing but an absolute joy. He's so chatty, sweet, hilarious, kind and loving and everything with him has always been so easy, he's been a dream to raise and I feel so lucky to be having another. If I could copy and paste him I'd have 10 of him. He's the blonde haired blue eyed boy I always saw in my mind when I pictured him.

Yesterday I seen a post on social media from a mother having her second boy and how disappointed she was, the comments were absolutely filled with people saying the same and how disappointed they were and so many mothers of girls saying they were terrified their precious baby girls were going to be boys and they would never want one so could understand the disappointment. It's not just on that post though, I have seen it countless times on here too and other posts on SM and it's really sad, why is there such negativity around boys? Especially second ones, people seem to really pity parents having a second boy. Is it people just being narrow minded? Why do people have kids if they're set on only one sex? I feel quite sad about the negativity and hoping to hear from some wise mumsnetters. Am I really going to be missing out when they are older?

What on earth is wrong with feeling lucky to have two beautiful daughters? Most people feel lucky to have their children. She didn’t say because they are girls.
As expected this just turned into a thread about how awful it is to raise girls and how mums of girls are smug and only interested in having a mini me and pretty dresses 🙄

This won't be popular, but I find this is more of a class thing, the upper/middle class seem to be very happy with their boys... it's a lower class thing to have a 'bestie' girl and create a mini version of yourself.

I forgot to add I think the amount of of negativity towards boys (usually stereotyping them dreadfully), on sites like this one doesn't help. There is an assumption they will all be trouble makers at school, they will treat girls and women badly etc..

I think it’s more of a narcissistic thing, the upper/middle class mothers who do this are just more subtle about creating a mini version of themselves.

I think it’s one thing to have gender disappointment but it’s another for someone else to say ‘oh poor you’
that’s just plain rude and unnecessary.

I do see more threads on here about the mum wanting a girl & feeling quite upset about having a boy but I also see the cult like ‘boy mum’ or ‘mum of boys’ thing on social media a lot (& find it rather weird)

I have one of each & have had my fair share of unsolicited comments.
An old woman once told me ‘I’m glad I had boys, never wanted a girl’ when she saw me and my daughter playing together at a cafe. I suspect she had indeed wanted a girl.
I told her ‘that’s a very strange thing to say & not very nice is it?’
I’ve also had someone else tell me “girls are bad tempered”
Nice generalisation there!

When I was pregnant with my 2nd dc (a boy) another lady said ‘oh, you’ll be wanting a boy next won’t you, much better to have one of each’ I had similar comments a few times from strangers🫠
I just used to reply ‘ Actually, I’ll be happy with a healthy baby, I’m not fussed about whether they’re a boy or girl’

He's the blonde haired blue eyed boy I always saw in my mind when I pictured him.

But.... My DD is the little person I always pictured when I imagined myself as a mother.

I think gender disappointment is not uncommon and definitely goes ways, and is only a huge problem when either it doesn't go away for the parent experiencing it or else when other people are trying to force it upon you (e.g. I'm getting a lot of "oh you must be hoping for a boy this time"... no I genuinely couldn't give a shite either way!!)

That’s horrendous!

I know op and then you get people saying boys are ‘easier to raise’ and all this anti girl stuff. I suppose we are women and a lot of men in life are pretty shit. So that’s possibly why.

People need to stop being so rude though. And it’s a self fulfilling prophecy. Be negative about a boy and assume he’ll be difficult - he probably will be.

People love to sound off on the internet and social media. I doubt they even believe half of what they write. As long as your friends and families aren't being arseholes don't even give it a second thought.

Because it sounds like you’re saying you’re lucky to have your two girls instead of boys.

Honestly OP, I have one of each and I was initially a little disappointed over the boy. I think there was some unresolved trauma over a past SA.

I can honestly say he is absolutely incredible and I love him to pieces. We all have expectations that aren’t necessarily realistic.

It's weird. I'm firmly in the camp of boy or girl, a baby is a wonderful blessing either way.

The SM trope of insta perfect obedient little girls dressed the same as mummy with complicated hair dos (see the whole school hair trend on SM - who are these children who will sit on a tablet whilst their mum gels and waxes their hair into epic sculptures at 7:30 in the morning??) has become almost like an advertisement for motherhood and I guess a lot of people invest in that and then become disappointed when it doesn't happen for them or feel bad for those it doesn't happen for maybe.

Once you child is born they are who they are you would never change them, regardless of their sex. I have 2 boys, completely different to each other, each child is unique. I love them so much and am lucky, not because of their sex, but because of who they are.

Hate all this daughter for life, son until they find a wife/ evil MIL bullshit too.

I am one of 4 girls and when I found out my first was going to be a boy, I was shocked.

i am an intelligent person but for some reason brain didn’t quite compute! Football games and wrestling wasn’t the childhood id had so couldn’t envisage it 😂.

number 2 was a girl and number 3 another boy. I can categorically say the 2 boys are 10 times easier to look after than my middle girl.

I never had any of this nonsense.
Maybe as a PP said, I am 1/2 Indian so people thought I'd be more delighted with 2 boys (cultural expectation).
Or because I had 10 years between them people were just relieved/happy I was having a second child (that's a whole other thread) they overlooked the sex.

I did hear more comments about having to try for the other sex if 1 and 2 were the same, and voicing unwarranted opinions on 3 or 4 being the same sex. Rude!

I have two boys and they are lovely. Though it does make me sad reading all the 'men are awful and are the problem with the world, we'd be better off without them all' threads on MN. Surely it's no wonder people have gender disappointment when this is the attitude of what boys grow up to be

I think there is some truth in that. I work in an environment with a large number of very high earners and almost without exception they appear to have a clear preference for having boys.

I don’t understand what posters don’t understand quite frankly.

You’ve only got to read the bejillion threads on mn every day from women who can’t stand their MILs whatever they do, and the advice around newborns about how to keep the DH’s family at arm’s length. There was a thread the other day from a well meaning MiL about how she could get it right around get pregnant Dil and the vitriol she received was eye popping. Telling her to stfu, it ‘wasn’t about her’ and that it was perfectly natural for DILs to defer to their own mums so she was superfluous.

To me, this isn’t about lovely cute little boys. It’s about attitudes toward family when they become men and husbands.

But again this is feeding into it. My son has no interest in football and wrestling either! And saying ‘boys are easier’ seems to be a constant stereotype.

Congratulations! If you're happy then that's what matters.
I tend to ignore all the killjoys in life tbh.

It used to be very much the other way around. I’d never had an engagement ring, but dh bought me a really lovely ring right after the birth of dd2. A neighbour took one look and said, ‘You got that for a GIRL?’

To be fair, she was a non Brit from a culture where boys were most definitely ‘best’, but it used to be a not uncommon feeling among Brits, too. Including my DM! - who’d have denied it to her dying day, but my one Dbro was def. her favourite of the 4 of us.

I can’t understand why people admit in advance to ‘gender disappointment’ though. How can they be sure that no seriously thoughtless person won’t one day say, ‘Oh, your mum was so disappointed when she found out that you weren’t going to be a girl.’

It continues at school I’m afraid with little girls (and a few boys) sitting nicely and colouring and doing crafts being praised to the heavens and little boys (and a few girls) getting constantly told off for running, kicking balls too hard, kicking the wrong types of balls, basically behaving in any way “typical” of boys by their female teachers.

But my boys certainly do and most definitely are 🤷‍♀️

For countless generations across the world, baby girls have been disfavoured so much as to be disposed of often before birth. So a small blip in this trend is ok, surely.