To allow DS(7) to make his own “breakfast” on the weekends?

[StolenChanel]

Just that really. DS doesn’t like typical “breakfast” meals like cereal, toast or eggs, and enjoys making his own meals. He’ll grab whatever snacks he can find from the cupboard/fridge and make what he calls a “snack platter” (we’re generally quite a healthy family so there aren’t really any sugary snacks for him to grab). This usually consists of things like crackers, breadsticks, fruits, yoghurts, or a cheese string/Babybel. This suits me just fine because I can’t be arsed with the rigmarole of working out what he wants to eat, DS is happy with his snacks and morning cartoons and I am happy to sit outside in peace with my coffee and a crossword.

However, DH works nights and comes home in the morning annoyed that I am sitting down with a coffee but “haven’t bothered to make DS breakfast”. So my question is, is what I’m doing lazy parenting or is DH being fussy?

When the kids were little, I had Lakeland pouring spouts for the milk so the kids could make their own cereal at weekends, and I would have a pint of milk just for them so the container wasn’t too big. They loved the independence and we loved getting a little lie-in. I remember it from my own childhood, sneaking down early for Saturday morning tv and making our own breakfast. Good times 😀

Is he annoyed that you get a slower morning? Or is it actually about the parenting?
Either way, it would be wrong to squash this kind of healthy independence. You need to speak to him about the playground as well!

Brilliant of your ds, but I would do one day with a good breakfast. So either day he sorts himself and another you do a nice one for him. It's great to encourage children to be in the kitchen.

He's getting a healthy breakfast he enjoys and developing useful life skills. It's fine.

At that age not only was I making my own breakfast, if my grandmother was visiting I also made her a cup of tea (properly -.loose leaf tea in a pot) and took it up for her to drink in bed.

What counts as a 'good' breakfast? From what the OP has said, her DS is basically eating a continental breakfast - why does what an awful lot of people eat everyday not count as 'good'.

Why?

My just about to turn 7 twins have been get it their own breakfast for a least a year. They can make toast and cereal safely and without making a great mess. My eldest boy is usually up and helps them a little but they are very capable. I have a little lay in even tho I’m just scrolling FB in bed lol so can hear if they need help

Yeah, that’s not how good marriages work. Her DH is also on night shifts.

Validation coming from me.
It's great that he's showing independence.
So long as he is encouraged to eat a bit out of his comfort zone with family meals, then breakfast at the weekends should be fun.

My 6 & 8 year old do this on Sundays. They’ll often have buttered bread, yoghurt, ham/cheese and fruit.

if they were just having crisps, biscuits and sweets we wouldn’t allow it but they are independently making a balanced meal and I see no issue with it.

We have 2 toddlers too so it’s not that I’m lazing in bed not bothering to feed them, they enjoy the independence

You sound like a teacher scolding one of her students for not following the homework instructions properly.
I bet you’re a tough grader and I bet you leave lots of notes in the margins in red pen.
OP’s son had a fine breakfast and is to be commended for gathering it together for himself.
That kid’s a go-getter. Good on him.

If a child is capable of looking after themselves and wants to do it , then it would be very bad parenting to make them something else, or do half the work for them by setting stuff out for them. Wrong in so many ways

Not all childen reach that capability at the same age - but certainly by the time they are so to double figures it would be disgraceful and very poor parenting if they weren't sorting themselves out at leat sometimes

At 7 my son was showing independence, he was an early to bed and early riser so on the weekend I’d hear him get up and make himself cereal or some toast. I would always let him get on with it but would listen out. I do remember telling him to never stick anything metal in the toaster if the toast got stuck. He is a teenager now who is very good at cooking…I still warn him about the metal in the toaster much to his annoyance.

My 7 year old makes himself and his brother cereal, porridge, toast or scrambled eggs. He also makes me coffee! Not because I’m lazy, but because he wants to. He enjoys the independence! And I enjoy not having to list every breakfast item known to man until they tell me what they want.

I assume your husband expects you to be running about making his breakfast too. I could be wrong but I bet he's a mysoginistic dick. This isn't about you being a bad parent it's about his expectation that you wait on everyone hand and foot.

Oooh I disagree with your guess about pterodactyl @DreamTheMoors ...
I think she's a sahm to school age kids who needs to validate her value. She's doesn't need to, we're all awesome. She certainly doesn't need to pretend that this is lazy parenting to a stranger.

Your DH is miserable.
I think its perfectly fine if he enjoys doing it. If he didn't, then it would be.

Many child development experts say that this sort of thing helps children feel ownership and independence over food which leads to healthier choices long term.

This is interesting. I wonder if it’s why DH is such a picky eater. We’ve never really had conversations around what his childhood mealtimes were like but, given his attitude towards DS getting his own breakfast together, I imagine MIL did everything for him as well. He also makes DS alternative dinners when he cooks because he assumes DS won’t eat whatever he’s made. I do not, which also annoys DH as he panics about DS going hungry. My opinion is if he’s that hungry at dinner time, he’ll eat what he’s given (which 9/10 he does).

He doesn’t and cooks a lot himself, but we do have an older DD and, when I think about it, I don’t recall him being this precious about her meals. I could be wrong though.

It's fine. The poster who wants to add veg sticks is making it weird.

Our DS loves making food with us, and started properly preparing meals sometimes from age 5 but still with help. Main difference is that he wants us with him for company, but we'll just enjoy that while it lasts, sooner or later he won't!

So is it the meal DH is annoyed about or the fact that DS is preparing it himself?
If the first he might have a point if the meal was very unhealthy, but it's really not - and if so, there's an easy answer, decide what items he would be happy with him eating and make sure those are available.

If he'd be fine with the exact same meal if it was you taking the items out of the fridge and putting them on a plate to give to DS, that is seriously pathetic and weird, and, as the PP said, actively hindering his child's independence and development.

Yeah leave him to it!

My children would eat ice cream while watching Saturday breakfast tv while we slept. They survived their childhood and are perfectly healthy people both into healthy eating today.

Yup, when I did my training we did a lot around nutrition and how children need to feel ownership over choices. It helps with food anxiety, it helps them feel control over their environment and it also helps them correlate food with how it makes them feel.

E.g no protein for breakfast may mean he feels hungry sooner.

These are SUCH good habits that a lot of us weren't allowed to develop as children.

We wouldn't expect a two year old to create an entire meal, but we were taught that offering them choices helps begin the practise early.
You proportionately increase responsibility as their age, skill level and emotional maturity increases.

And your son sounds more than capable!
I think having casual conversations with him regarding food and getting (verbally instead of practically) involved could increase the opportunity for educational moments (without them feeling forced or in a way that will kill his joy).

Edit to add, your DH creating multiple dinners is adding a negative connotation to the one prepared.
His assumption WILL influence your DS whether or not he would end up actually liking the meal.

I do not believe in forcing a child to eat things they don't like, but I would be making one family meal and then DS should be giving it a try and if he doesn't like it you could have some simple alternatives he can turn to.
Scrambled eggs, tinned soup, toast and cheese etc.

I thought you were going to say that you wanted to stay in bed while he got up by himself!

But no, you're up as well to keep him company, he is happy pottering and sorting himself out with healthy things to eat... it sounds ideal. He gains independence and agency and you get a peaceful cup of coffee. I don't know what your dh is upset about