To allow DS(7) to make his own “breakfast” on the weekends?

[StolenChanel]

Just that really. DS doesn’t like typical “breakfast” meals like cereal, toast or eggs, and enjoys making his own meals. He’ll grab whatever snacks he can find from the cupboard/fridge and make what he calls a “snack platter” (we’re generally quite a healthy family so there aren’t really any sugary snacks for him to grab). This usually consists of things like crackers, breadsticks, fruits, yoghurts, or a cheese string/Babybel. This suits me just fine because I can’t be arsed with the rigmarole of working out what he wants to eat, DS is happy with his snacks and morning cartoons and I am happy to sit outside in peace with my coffee and a crossword.

However, DH works nights and comes home in the morning annoyed that I am sitting down with a coffee but “haven’t bothered to make DS breakfast”. So my question is, is what I’m doing lazy parenting or is DH being fussy?

This is completely fine. Mine have been encouraged to do this from a young age. It isn't lazy parebting, at first I would hover in the kitchen being 'busy' and would offer help or suggestions, this progressed to "oooohhhh, show me what you've made".

Now my 16 year old is an amazing cook, he will cook family meals every now and then. Makes a delicious breakfast for me every now as a treat and understands meal planning etc.

Parents are supposed to encourage their children to develop skills. Everything doesn't have to be taught, the best learning is explored and shared.

Well I did it with my son. There was always wraps, cheese *babybels, cheese strings) etc, yogurt, drinks bottle made up in the fridge. And whilst it didn't give me a massively long lie in i could at least drink my tea in bed in peace. I can't even see why this is a problem.

Why are you just creating work for yourself that doesn't need to be done? That's equally some kind of weird validation/need to be needed thing going on.

Only if he discusses an option in which he makes the breakfast when he returns from night shift or prepares it before he leaves the night before. And has a clear argument as to why it's appropriate to remove a 7-year-old's progress towards independence.

Please can you tell my 21 year old DS about the laundry thing 😂

OP your arrangement is perfectly fine. Happy and healthy DS, happy you. Grumpy DH can do one!

He’s very clearly not grazing, which is going back time and time again to pick another snack item. OP describes him putting a plate together. So he’s selecting from a choice of healthy items.

Not an issue, both my kids made their own breakfasts most days from 7. They have grown into capable adults and great cooks. Your husband is being totally unreasonable.

Yes it's like a weird extra step that doesn't need to be there. Extra fuss.

Not all 7 year olds are the same though.

Some are very independent and capable and some are not.

My 7 year old makes his own breakfast. He was never asked to or expected to buy prefers to do it himself. I remember doing the same at 7 to. He normally likes cereal but is monitored making toast etc.

Letting him get his own breakfast is good for you and him. Your OH sounds a bit jealous you are getting a lie-in and is being silly. Giving kids age appropriate responsibilities like this is great parenting.

I would be fine with my seven year old making their own breakfast a couple of times per week as long as the meals were pretty healthy (grains, fruit and dairy, eggs) and did not contain lots of sugar or processed flours etc.

DH can make it then?

Of course it's fine. He's 7 years, not 7 months. I think mumsnet is absolutely batshit for the infantilising helicopter parenting that goes on, and it isn't good at all. So much anxiety in teenagers stems from the ridiculous babying of under tens.

Completely fine! My 7 year old makes her own breakfast every day, toast, cereal, porridge (10 yr old brother may sometimes help her a bit with this) she’s bene doing this for ages as she wanted to copy her older siblings so I let her.

7 isn’t to young, maybe some 7 years old may struggle with this but if the 7 year old is wanting to make their own breakfast, is able to do this and is happy with the selection of foods they choose there isn’t really a problem. A problem would be if they were picking bags of crisps and chocolate bars etc

We are a chocolate brioche kind of family too. 🤣

Unless you want him to turn into a mollycoddled teenager who can’t even cut a sandwich without you doing it for him, then no, 7 is old enough, it’s good he’s getting independence and doing things for himself.

Now to show him the laundry basket 😂

Keep doing what you're doing, OP. Your dh sounds like the type to just have a moan. Our DD at 7 was getting her own cereal because she wakes up waaaay earlier than us on the weekend and we like our sleep. She is 11 now and makes porridge (in the microwave) and sandwiches. She has been making tea since I had COVID in 2021 and literally couldn't move off the couch. She's a capable and fiercely independent girl, some kids just are.

I would be fine with this. Have you told your DH that your child wants to do this so it's not about you being lazy?

Hilarious the issues people have with "grazing" or "snacks."

The OP's son is eating a far healthier breakfast than toast or cereal and it is a far better meal.

Depends on what choices you are providing really. Pre packaged processed snacks aren't so great and especially not for breakfast.

Imo it's lazy parenting to say you do this "arsed with the rigmarole of working out what he wants to eat". That's not teaching him independence, that's you not being "arsed".

Just to clarify, what is it DH thinks you should be doing exactly? That you should be putting the snack platter together and handing it to DS? That you should be filling a bowl with cereal and milk and insisting DS eat it even though he doesn't want it? Or you should be cooking a full fry up and insisting DS eat it? I'm not clear what he has an issue with, is it what DS is actually eating or the fact you dare sit down with a coffee while he is at work?

He is looking after himself with things he wants to eat rather than you wasting food. You are encouraging his independence and ability to not be coddled and unable to function on his own later in life. You are both getting a good result from this.

As others said, encourage him to clean up as well after himself.

Tell DH that you are encouraging independence for later life as well as saving money and reducing food waste for the good of the planet by allowing him to choose what he will eat, as well as allowing him the autonomy to make his own decisions.

If he wants to make DS breakfast when he gets in, reducing DS autonomy and pride in himself, and controlling what he can and cannot eat rather than allowing personal choice, then he is welcome to not work nights and take that control back.

But you are a perfectly capable adult. And it sounds like DS is a perfectly capable young man.

Keep enjoying your way to do Saturdays!

My ds is the same. He'd rather have a bag of bread sticks or crackers and cucumber for breakfast. I just go with it now.