To allow DS(7) to make his own “breakfast” on the weekends?

[StolenChanel]

Just that really. DS doesn’t like typical “breakfast” meals like cereal, toast or eggs, and enjoys making his own meals. He’ll grab whatever snacks he can find from the cupboard/fridge and make what he calls a “snack platter” (we’re generally quite a healthy family so there aren’t really any sugary snacks for him to grab). This usually consists of things like crackers, breadsticks, fruits, yoghurts, or a cheese string/Babybel. This suits me just fine because I can’t be arsed with the rigmarole of working out what he wants to eat, DS is happy with his snacks and morning cartoons and I am happy to sit outside in peace with my coffee and a crossword.

However, DH works nights and comes home in the morning annoyed that I am sitting down with a coffee but “haven’t bothered to make DS breakfast”. So my question is, is what I’m doing lazy parenting or is DH being fussy?

I think you’ve hit the nail on the head with the “helicopter” statement. DH is also the sort of parent who follows DS around at the playground rather than just leaving him to it. I’m the complete opposite and will happily find a spot with a good clear view of the entire playground and plant myself there until I’m needed (which is usually only when it’s home time!)

I’m on giving the ‘only ifs’, I’m simply saying it’s a parenting decision to come to together. Especially with the lack of context on anything else regarding mealtimes, cooking and parenting. The dad isn’t the automatic villain in the tale just because the mother doesn’t agree with him.

"DS was just having a quick snack while we were waiting for you to get back so we could eat something together, off you pop into the kitchen; everything you need is in the fridge."

I think this kind of activity builds independence. Obsessive helicopter parenting makes anxious children with no resilience.

Totally fine. Beginning of a bit of independence

To be clear, DS started doing this himself - I didn’t just give up on breakfast because I couldn’t be arsed. What I can’t be arsed is constantly offering him alternatives when he clearly has enough on his plate - literally.

Does dh disagree with the food choices or perceive you as lazy? If you're having sit down meals the rest of the time this seems fine. But we all have deep embedded preconceptions about what constitutes 'good parenting' and maybe he needs to examine his, which possibly also come with a side of other stuff if he's coming home after a night working looking to see perfect family life.

Given some of the comments on this thread, I can see where all of these men who suffer from strategic incompetence come from!

DH will be pissed off he’s just come in from work and you’re sitting down having a coffee and “not doing anything”. He would probably much prefer to come in and see you folding laundry or cleaning floors than having your own breakfast.

You can either start chopping up cheese cubes and partake of some busy-work when DH gets in from work or you can tell him to jog on…

I’m with you OP. My 9yo has been making his own breakfast for a few years now. We ensure there’s food that he likes — cereal, toast, peanut butter, jam etc. He cracks on, chooses what he wants that day, and makes it.

He even puts his dirty dishes in the sink too. I refuse to raise a child into an adult that can’t sort their own basic needs.

We take care of our responsibilities, which includes helping him develop his independence, and he (increasingly) has his.

That’s reasonable, some context is needed. As I said in a PP on the thread, we come from a (non-European) culture which prioritises cooked meals, although we’re both very much westernised as are our parents (less so than us though). We generally eat healthily and have a “proper cooked” dinner each night and smaller, easier to make lunches. DH does more cooking than I do during the week as he’s home in the afternoons/evenings whereas I don’t tend to get home until 6-7. DH is also an incredibly picky eater, so for this reason he started to cook more regularly when I gave up trying to please him years ago. I still cook the dinners when I’m home though.

(edited for typo)

What's the nutritional difference between a plate with crackers, cheese, fruit and yoghurt on it and a bowl of rice pops?

When does "a collection of snacks" become a meal?

And what's the risk of turning into a fussy eater at 7 based on two meals a week?

I’m so using this line next time!

Er no this sounds fine. If your son is fed andhappy I see no problem.

Different if there was no food in the house or he was wanting you to make him breakfast but you weren’t.

If he is happy sat there alone eating fine but we sat together while our child had breakfast well one of us atleast

My 14 year old's standard weekend breakfast is corn chips and an entire tub of tzatziki.

I go with that also because he has autism-related food issues and at least it's something. But i bet your DH would judge me every way till Sunday.

Not lazy it's teaching him to be independent he's not using a cooker etc unsupervised so no issue. My 9 yo has been doing similar prob since around that age he also is not a fan of cereal, toast etc but will help himself to yoghurt fruit and a pastry

Aw I think your DS sounds like a very clued up little boy and it's great he likes doing these things himself. He's not in any danger preparing what he does and when you're a kid it always tastes better when you've made it yourself.
Your DH needs to realise your son doesn't want to be wrapped in cotton wool and I think you're doing the right thing letting him be independent in a safe way. You're doing a great job @StolenChanel

It's less about what he's eating (in my opinion) and more that your 7 year old is starting to show some independence and willingness to help himself. For me that's the result of good parenting. A lot of parents become quite shocked and annoyed when their kid gets to 12/13 and they expect them to help themselves and they aren't willing as they've been waited on hand and foot for years.

….by that age, DD could get up, go downstairs, put the TV on, put Sky on, find CBBC, and then make toast

Getting my Saturday mornings back for a lie in (though that probably meant about 9:30), was heavenly.

Of course it is fine. My parents were famers and so were up and out of the house for work early in the morning and as we got older we were expected to help.

At weekends the table was laid out buffet style for breakfast with bread, cereal, yoghurts, fruit and cooked things (usually bacon and eggs or kippers) and family would access it buffet style as they got in from the early morning jobs.

From the age of 7/8 my brothers and I were expected to take responsibility for laying out the table for breakfast at weekends.

If dh cares so much he can make the breakfast. So what if he’s just worked a night shift, I cook the evening meal after coming home from work every day.

That makes no sense at all. Most of the food would be the same anyway. There's very little difference between the snacking and the grazing situation you describe.

Child is happy and enjoying a tiny amount of independence. As long as he's not deep frying a mars bar its fine for a weekend. Silly attempted low blow - "not good parenting", as that comes anywhere near to that 😂

As the child’s other parent, if DH is unhappy with breakfast his son is making he can get up with him and make it himself.

Some bizarre posts on this thread .

Of course it's fine.

I’m so glad I’m in the majority here, I absolutely cannot understand micro managing a 7yr old on what they want for breakfast instead of just letting them get on with it by offering healthy options.