To think this is abuse.

[Downandout21]

I love my job and I've always been good at it. Good contacted hours I've worked hard towards to fit around DD meaning no additional childcare, also good pay and I love my team.

DH always moans about it. I don't finished until 5 and by 4 he is moaning that I should be finished and my works stupid, won't look after DD as says I should be finished work and really puts me under pressure. Now my performance is declining.

I spoke to DH about this numerous times and he states he hates my job and he hopes I grt sacked so I have to apply for a new one.

I've eventually caved and have an interview for a new job today. Will mean having to work every other weekend, over Christmas and some nights. DH says we all have to make sacrifices.

I'm gutted, I worked really hard to get to where I am now and really do love my job.

He will only up your alienment and abuse. See a divorce lawyer asap. Gather all the information you can. As you said DH. What about the marital home? Register spousal rights on the deed.

I’d rather be single…

DH says we all have to make sacrifices.

So why isn't his sacrifice looking after his child for an hour a day?

Well quite! And it’s not exactly a sacrifice either. Most couples would see it as a bonus that their hours dovetail in such a way that they don’t have to use outside childcare.

Don't leave your job.

You do realise that within two weeks of you starting a new job he will be complaining about that?

Keep the job.
Bin the husband.

You'll be much happier.

Please don't leave the job you love....get rid of that arse of a husband.

Put DD in breakfast club so you can work 8-4 and keep the job you love.

However. This is just a temporary compromise, right? Because you can't stay with someone who tries to control you like this. Yes, it is abusive, and it's having an impact on your DD too, even if you don't see it now.

So, keep the job you love, temporarily appease your husband, and quietly start 1) saving, 2) gathering resources, 3) making an exit plan. Once you've made the decision to leave, it will start to get easier to see how you'll do it, what you'll need to put in place, and how you'll manage once you split.

Where the hell is your spine? Why are acting like a complete doormat? He is a shit father and a shit husband and I don’t buy that you are staying with him for your daughter. You knew he was a shit father but had a child with him anyway. You are changing your job even though you know he is in the wrong. I don’t know what you want from us? It’s all in your hands.

Wow your husband sounds like a knob! Do you read this back what you’ve posted and think wow what a catch? He’s manipulated you into what he wants which basically is coercive control, 5pm is not late. Yes we all have to make sacrifices including him. Don’t do this to yourself and your child stay strong x

Please keep your current job. You could be trapped without it.

Another vote for please please please don't leave your job. Ideally yes leaving is the answer, he sounds absolutely useless and what will this teach your daughter about relationships and about how her dad feels about her (if he makes it clear he hates looking after her). He has already told you that he will just be having fun when he looks after her ie no actual parenting, like teeth brushed, homework done, consistent bed time routine. This will not be good for your daughter and there is no benefit to you either. You know he will not stop moaning.

I think you have been so ground down by his nit picking that you can't see straight. Is it best for your daughter to spend some time with someone who clearly doesn't want to spend time with her, or do a bit of breakfast / after school care, or not see you for evening, weekends and Christmas? The breakfast / after school club is clearly the lesser evil. Yes most kids would rather be at home. But they won't hate it, will make different friends etc.

Your realistic options are
Tell him to atop moaning because you're not changing job ans he is wasting your breath and somehow tune it out

Put her in after school care until your work has finished and this should stop him moaning in the 4-5 hour

Put her in breakfast club and change your hours to 8-4

I do think your marriage is over when your child's father thinks you should change job because he doesn't want to look after his own child 4-5, when he is such a shitty father he won't even look after his other son who he hardly sees and won't do any actual parenting of his daughter.

You don't have to leave and you don't have to take a new job.

You do have to have a hard look at the pig you're living with though

He's never going to step up to be a father or a decent human for that matter

But it’s not, because the problem isn’t THIS job, the problem is an abusive husband who loves making your life difficult, bringing you down, and using you as a punchbag. So when you’ve lost the good job that allowed you to manage your life well, and you’re a bit unhappier and more stressed, he’ll firstly be pleased that you’re now even less able to leave him, and then will get his teeth straight into something else to make sure he never lets up on harassing you - the new job will be wrong because HE has to do weekend things, how could you be such a bitch to work over Christmas. He won’t let up til you have no job at all.

The only real way out is to leave a guy like this, for your child’s sake too. The second best but extremely hard way is to push right back until he knows he can’t dictate - say fuck you, I will not leave my job as it works for the family and if you don’t like it YOU leave. I know a woman who lives like this, in a constant depressing undercurrent war zone with an aggressive twat, and she wishes she’d left years ago.

KEEP YOUR JOB. There are SO many women who would leave if they had a way to earn money which won’t cost them childcare. You may not be ready to go now but I hope to god you will be soon. And this job will keep that door to freedom open.

He will never change. To say it again, the job isn’t the problem. The next stick to beat you with will arrive the day you hand your notice in.

Is his mum a more positive influence than him ? I get you want your child to see her dad, but only one that will have a positive loving relationship not one that isn’t surely ?

I spoke to DH about this numerous times and he states he hates my job and he hopes I grt sacked so I have to apply for a new one

What would you say to your friend if she said this to you about her husband?

It's nasty, unsupportive and undermining.

For many people 5pm is early. The majority of high earning professionals will work much much later.

why? it seems like the obvious solution.

So what's the point of leaving the job you like?

Now, leaving the pig you're married to is different and much more worthwhile

There would be loads of support and advice here if that's what you decide to do

OP you love your job so don’t leave, your DH won’t change, he will continue this behaviour in any job you do!

Get a childminder. Don't rely on him. Amd think about whether you want to stay with this unhelpful and not very nice man. Stay in your present job.

Is this real? This is madness. So a woman has a job she loves which fits well around her DD and she is considering leaving it for a worse one to pacify a moaning good for nothing twat.

why do we do this to ourselves?

stick your headphones on and ignore him.

I don't understand what you will gain by getting a new job? He will moan about that too, and he has already said he will not parent his child while you are working. His aim is probably to break you down and make you dependent on him. I know it's easy to say put up with the moaning, but you have already clocked that he is abusive, so you must know on some level that you will need to leave at some point. He isn't going to change. Maybe he will start on something else, maybe he will target your new job, but he will continue being abusive. Loving the job you do will be invaluable, the independence and the self esteem of being so good at it, the support from your colleagues. You are going to need those things, so don't throw them away.

What the hell have I just read? I wouldn't be leaving a job I loved because my husband told me to. Fuck that. Your husband is not supportive of you. I think I'd be thinking about changing husbands, not jobs. How old is your dd? Can you look into some child care for her? The only time my husband would encourage me to leave a job is if I was unhappy or my mental health was suffering. You need to think really carefully about taking this new jib, you will be unhappy, your husband will be happy, how will that work.

I get why you don't want to leave but you cannot change job because he's being a twat. Surely even 8-4 and breakfast club is preferable to losing every other weekend and Xmas? Think of the impact that no routine and whatever 'fun' looks like every other weekend with him will have on your daughter. It sounds like she needs you, try to be strong. Go somewhere in the house you can lock the door to escape his moaning while you're at work.

Have you looked into how much you could get if you claimed universal credits?