To think this is abuse.

[Downandout21]

I love my job and I've always been good at it. Good contacted hours I've worked hard towards to fit around DD meaning no additional childcare, also good pay and I love my team.

DH always moans about it. I don't finished until 5 and by 4 he is moaning that I should be finished and my works stupid, won't look after DD as says I should be finished work and really puts me under pressure. Now my performance is declining.

I spoke to DH about this numerous times and he states he hates my job and he hopes I grt sacked so I have to apply for a new one.

I've eventually caved and have an interview for a new job today. Will mean having to work every other weekend, over Christmas and some nights. DH says we all have to make sacrifices.

I'm gutted, I worked really hard to get to where I am now and really do love my job.

Don't do it. Do not be bullied out of a job you enjoy.
He sounds lazy and entitled.

This is nothing to do with your job please stick with the job

it’s about him controlling you

he shall constantly move the goal posts, if it’s not your job it’s how you parent, how you look, how you treat him, how you cook it will be anything and he will get worse

I do understand that sometimes it feels easier to give in but please do not

Your DH will not change but you can change how you react to him and please look into leaving him he will drag you down

and yes it’s a pattern of abuse wanting to control your partner

Do not leave your job

Definitely sounds like abuse yes

Your dd will be much safer in breakfast club than you changing jobs and not being around for large chunks of time. She will get older and need less looking after. Then breakfast club will no longer be necessary.

And yes, he is abusing you, which is why changing jobs is not the answer.

So you really couldn’t have more normal working hours than you already have! With the added bonus of a job you enjoy with people you like. And he is trying to jeopardise this because he doesn’t want to look after his own child for one hour a day!

Surely with the job you’ve applied for, he would have to provide a lot more childcare? How would that work? There’s no logic to it at all. He is definitely trying to you by ruining your career.

And YANBU to think this is abuse

Do not leave your job.

As other posters have said, it’s easier to get childcare before/after school than it is weekends or nights.

You know he won’t look after her properly & she will end up going to bed late on school nights. On the weekends you need to work he will either take her to his mum’s or sabotage your job by refusing to take care of her.

I’m not saying you have to leave him now, but don’t make decisions that will make it harder to in the future. Or make you reliant on him.

In the meantime I would look at breakfast club, my kids loved it. Extra breakfast and time to play with their friends before school. What’s not to like?!

If you look objectively, I think you will see that childcare before or after school is better quality time than what her dad provides. The playworkers certainly won’t make her feel like she’s in the way as he does.

In the nicest way please look at the bigger picture. Just this is a huge indicator on how controlling he is and I can bet that he is emotionally abusive/controlling in other aspects of your life to. If your anything like I was, I'd consume myself in full time work and my children which would distract me from how he was treating me. If you can, you really need to think about how unhappy you are, communicate this to him (sounds like he's not too good on communication mind) maybe in a letter if you can't face to face and if he still continues the behaviour you need to leave. Contact womens aid beforehand, they may even help you to unravel what is going on as you may not even realise how controlling he is. I'm so sorry your going through it, you work hard and deserve much more❤️

Exactly!

Op, most people work until 5pm, what is the man's problem with that?

You are bonkers if you give up doing something that is, all round, good and fulfilling for you.

So that means unlimited disney dadding ie sweets, screentime, no proper meals no bed time, no routine etc and who will pick up the pieces of an overtired over stimulated child with no routine. If he cant look after your child from 2-5 then he won’t do nights and bedtimes.
He will not support this new job either.
Keep the current job, your dd will get older and more self reliant. Can you get her a place in an after school club ? He will have nothing to moan about and she will be looked after.

Please, please do not leave your job.

If you really want to stay with this horrible man, surely your daughter going to breakfast club is the lesser evil (or after-school club?). Don't give up your job. The new job hours sound terrible for family life, much worse for your daughter than what’s happening now.

Don’t change jobs. He’ll be worse, not better. Strand up to him.

DH says we all have to make sacrifices.

So why isn't his sacrifice looking after his child for an hour a day?

Well I asked hi hiw he would manage bed routine when I'm at work on weekends and he said he's not doing it and she will just have fun on the days she's with him

So why is it such a problem looking after her for the extra hour? Surely she can "just have fun"?

It does sound as if going for breakfast club is better than changing your job. If I were you, I'd concentrate on building up a career so that you can LTB.

He doesn’t hate your job @Downandout21

He hates you having a job that makes you happy and may eventually lead to you having the means to leave him.

He hates parenting

He hates not being able to control you.

This will not change. If you leave your job, he will make every other job as hellish.
If you stop working, he will make you being dependent on him a living hell.

You are going to have to leave sooner or later.
Start planning for that now.
Stay in your current job and do the breakfast club option.

He will be with your daughter as he is with your son.

At least if he leaves her with his mum, she will be looked after and not impacted by the petty neglect he’s currently threatening if you take the new job.

You and your child deserve much much better .

Also, your DD is reaching the age when she is likely to want to do a regular activity at the weekend. Then there will be parties & play dates. Do you really think that your DH will facilitate any of these when you are working? More likely he will tell DD that it’s your fault that she misses her friend’s party because you care more about work than her.

Did he not want his daughter then? Did he express this when you got pregnant? I'm so sick of seeing men think this is okay. MEN - stop having babies with women if you don't want to actually be a dad. And no, being a dad doesn't mean you get to watch your wife raise them and now and again come and play with them when you feel like it. What an emotionally abusive arse he is.

DO NOT quit your job.
DO think about leaving him.
IT IS abuse.

what a shit he is.

Your husband thinks like an idiot if he presumes that your daughter is going to be easier to look after if he lets her "have fun" every second weekend and Christmas.

This type of child care will be disasterous for her.

Stick to your job and give your husband a number of useful ways to fill his moaning hour each day. He should be helping daughter with her homework, cooking dinner or other essential chores to help the family function.

Ask him if he has always had problems spending time with his own company?

Insist he button up and find positives to talk about instead of complaining.

Your DD brings you joy. Your work brings you joy. He doesn't, and he also doesn't get to destroy your happiness.

Stand firm. This is absolutely controlling and abusive. Echoing what others have said; if it is not this, it will be something else about the new job. Or any job.

@Downandout21

I hope that you have now been made aware that this situation is not right for you and you are now having to deal with a partner who is showing his true colours. It's what is known as the thin edge of the wedge because things will get steadily worse. It will slowly move on from the job problem to something else...the cooking isn't right or to his taste...you're not cleaning the house properly...comments about your appearance...how much time you spend with friends....how much money you're spending...etc etc. I hope you get the picture.
You may be thinking that you have nowhere to go or won't get support because where you are now, the situation that you are in, is possibly all that you know. It's as though you have blinkers on and can't see beyond this, it's your world and this is all it is. You will get help and support, it is definitely out there for you. You have made the first step by coming on here to ask for advice and that's brilliant, you now know things aren't right. Please now think about what you can do next...and do it safely without his knowledge. Find numbers for places such as Womens Aid / local women's support groups / citizens advice etc and contact them to get help moving away from him asap and save yourselves from a miserable future. We are all outsiders looking in on what you have told us and it is unanimous that he is your problem. People are speaking from experience, it can and does get worse. Please get help and stay safe.

Keep your job and lose your husband, he sounds awful................