To think this is abuse.

[Downandout21]

I love my job and I've always been good at it. Good contacted hours I've worked hard towards to fit around DD meaning no additional childcare, also good pay and I love my team.

DH always moans about it. I don't finished until 5 and by 4 he is moaning that I should be finished and my works stupid, won't look after DD as says I should be finished work and really puts me under pressure. Now my performance is declining.

I spoke to DH about this numerous times and he states he hates my job and he hopes I grt sacked so I have to apply for a new one.

I've eventually caved and have an interview for a new job today. Will mean having to work every other weekend, over Christmas and some nights. DH says we all have to make sacrifices.

I'm gutted, I worked really hard to get to where I am now and really do love my job.

Also the new job means you will be less available and he will have to pick up more childcare slack surely? A 9-5 job is much easier in terms of childcare than a job that involves night and weekend working.

If his hours are 6 - 2 I assume he is in trade or does shift work? Could it be he is jealous of what he sees as your "easy" desk based job?

He needs to STFU and get over it.

Your job isn't the problem, he is.

I had similar though. He wanted me working more hours and working days and weekends rather than the evening job I had and loved. I gave in and switched.

The new job opened the door to a career with higher earning power, built my confidence enough to see I was in an abusive relationship and gave me the tools to leave him. Not the outcome he was expecting.

Do you work from home OP? Could you maybe work from somewhere else so that you can work in peace until 5?

I know I should stay at the job I want to do, but when you have someone moaning at you day after day for the last hour or so of your working day, it wears thin and it's easier to just get the new job.

Easier to ditch the husband.

Why are you letting him control you?

Really feel for you OP.

I had a bit of a lightweight version of this with my husband, but I did arrive at the place where he realised he was being unreasonable, and now he is vey supportive. It was mostly when our second child was still a baby and he really struggled with both kids along with his own sensory issues.

Don't leave your job. I'd make use of breakfast club while you plan your next step... your daughter will be fine. Well done on everything you worked towards.

Don’t do it. It’s so rare to find a job you love and to have one that fits around your daughter is a double win. Good pay? Triple win.

Think of all that time you’ll be missing with your daughter - 26 weekends of year. And she’ll be left in the care of him, whom you say can’t be trusted.

Don’t give in to his whining. Stand up for yourself (and your daughter).

Don't change jobs and as soon as he starts whinging say you're not discussing it any more. This is your job, you are staying in it. His whining will not change that.

He is jealous that you are successful and enjoy your job. He will find fault with any job you have. He will never step up and patent equally. He is controlling and abusive. Leave him.

My sentiments exactly, OP.

In fact, @Sirzytook the words right outta my mouth.

Which will be the best job for when you do actually leave him? I fully understand you not wanting to yet- but you need to be looking to the future, when you actually can. Which job has the best career progression? Which job will allow a little flexibility for childcare? You need to think practically about when you can't take his nonsense anymore.

I would keep the job you love and use wraparound childcare if he won’t look after his child without moaning. If you do split up in the future, this working pattern will be more sustainable.

I'm not sure I'd call this abuse, but I do think he's being very entitled and unreasonable. It sounds like, as he works unusual hours doing 6-2, he resents having to parent his child while you are still working much more normal hours until 5pm. I suppose he feels cheated because while he's working from 6am until 2pm your DD is either sleeping or at nursery/school for a large chunk of it and you get off scot-free in his eyes.

But switching to a job where you have to work weekends and lots of bank holidays isn't the answer, as he'll soon find out if you take this job. And what happens if his job and his hours change and they don't dovetail neatly with your new job? Will be expect you to change jobs again?

Perhaps you should suggest to him that he should change his job, as it could be argued that it's his hours that are causing his problems, not yours.

Your DD would be better off in breakfast club with a mother who is happy in her job than left unparented for long periods while you work weekends.

She would be even better off living in a home where those around her treat each other with kindness and respect and having some contact with her father.

Seems like breakfast club is the least of your worries here! Just do that

YABU not to leave this arsehole.
Do not give up your job. Switch your phone off, do not respond to any comments about your job to him.

Good grief if he’s not going to care for DD on those weekends and holidays that confirms 100% you can’t change jobs! Your poor child and poor you. That does seem very abusive, manipulative and controlling of him and I doubt it’ll get better if you leave the job you love - which should suit him really well with what it offers!

So you have the perfect job that fits really well with childcare arrangements and you love it. Your problem is your partner.

also his comment ‘we all have to make sacrifices’ whilst not sacrificing an hour of his day for his child . Jesus wept.

Do not take the new job.

He has already said he will not be doing any parenting when you are working weekends, evenings and Christmas, so you will have to take up all that slack.

I would consider the 8-4 option with breakfast club, but why can't you stand up to him and just tell him to fucking shut up stop telling you what to do?

Annoying yes but hardly abuse…seems demeaning to compare that with some poor woman( usually a woman) getting her nose broken by some drunken arse.

I know that you shouldn't have to, but I would work 8-4 so that you can stay in the job you love.

Is this because you are working at home?

If your daughter came to you when she is an adult and said her partner/husband/wife was saying these things and treating her this way - what would you advise her?

'HE hates your job??' he's not the one doing it the controlling fuckhead.
Why, BC you are leaving at 5 instead of 4?
It's clearly not that. Could it be he resents your happiness, independence, work friends/relationships? Unless it's because you work for an arms dealer or a shop selling fags, booze and vapes to seven year olds? Has he a moral objection to you choosing to work somewhere you enjoy?
You need to stick with your job and get him in the bin.
Yes, it is abusive.

There are many forms of abuse

Violence
Financial
Coercive control

It's not only a drunken lout punching you. They all need addressing