To think this is abuse.

[Downandout21]

I love my job and I've always been good at it. Good contacted hours I've worked hard towards to fit around DD meaning no additional childcare, also good pay and I love my team.

DH always moans about it. I don't finished until 5 and by 4 he is moaning that I should be finished and my works stupid, won't look after DD as says I should be finished work and really puts me under pressure. Now my performance is declining.

I spoke to DH about this numerous times and he states he hates my job and he hopes I grt sacked so I have to apply for a new one.

I've eventually caved and have an interview for a new job today. Will mean having to work every other weekend, over Christmas and some nights. DH says we all have to make sacrifices.

I'm gutted, I worked really hard to get to where I am now and really do love my job.

Don’t leave your job, leave your husband!
Seriously though, he’s being extremely unreasonable. Most jobs don’t allow you to just knock off at 4pm! You don’t even have a commute - most people would be available much later than you are, after finishing at 5pm (or later!) then travelling home.

“Won’t look after DD” - is she not his child too? Why is it only your responsibility to look after her?

Tell him in no uncertain terms that you’re not leaving your job. Ban him from coming to your work space so that he can’t moan at you and make you feel under pressure. Tell him that if this continues then you will be seriously rethinking the relationship as you want to be with someone supportive and he’s being the opposite.

Exactly this. I think about leaving everyday but nowhere to go. DD is only 4 and he will want contact with her, but I wouldn't feel safe hom looking after her. He has a son from a previous relationship that spends more time with me during visits then then he does with dad.

It's easy to say leave and I really know I should, but where do I go, I have no real family, friends don't have the space and I'm in that weird wage bracket where don't learn enough to support me and DD where we are living now, but earn to much to get any help

I’d be ditching the husband not the job. Why is it automatically your job to look after your child? If you want to stay in the marriage (and I seriously think you should reconsider this) then pay for childcare. Surely that’s better than this atmosphere or changing jobs.

Do NOT give your job up and take this new one. He will 100% kick off after the first weekend he is responsible for his child and your life will not have improved at all - you will still be stuck with a prick of a husband but also be in a job you don't like.

Keep the job you love and start seriously considering getting rid of this twat instead.

Leave him leave him leave him leave him leave him leave him leave him leave him leave him leave him leave him leave him leave him leave him leave him leave him leave him leave him now

He will do exactly the same when you're in your new job OP, then he'll be pressuring you to change again....and again....and again. He sounds like a complete waste of space.

If he refuses to parent his own DD after 4pm then, given what you've said, I'd be going for the breakfast club option and just change your hours (though you shouldn't have to). It will have far less impact on her than your husband disrupting her bedtimes every other weekend.

So you do 3 hours of childcare while he's at work but he can't do 3 hours of childcare while you're at work?

No, you’re not being unreasonable OP, it is abuse.
It'll highly likely get worse, especially if you cave in to his ridiculous demands.
Keep the job you love, if he doesn’t want to look after DD then he needs to F off.

The government provides a lot of help for single mothers. You’d get help with rent and help with childcare plus top up to your salary, check out entitled to website and there’s a calculator you could put some dummy figures in. I see women say a lot there’s no where to go but there is. I have no family nearby but left and rented and managed well financially as the support is quite generous in my opinion. If your daughter isn’t safe in his presence then you could involve social services. No child will thank you for staying in an unhappy relationship which leads to an unhappy home. I’m 50 in a couple of years but often think back to my parents very unhappy relationship and how this has scarred me and affected relationships I’ve had. There’s a way out.

If you don't think she's safe in his care, all the more reason not to take a new job that would mean working every other weekend.

Stay in your current job and if you have to, organise childcare - breakfast or after school club.

I understand that leaving right now isn’t an option but maybe consider looking for local support and beginning to put together a route out for you both. From what you are saying it sounds like things aren’t going to improve.

but whatever you do keep the job you enjoy

I do understand, it's never easy, for now though please don't leave your current job if you enjoy it- don't miss out on Christmas etc for his man who will still moan and be useless even if you change jobs.

Sweetheart, he's going to moan at you with your new job too, he'll do it whatever job you do because he's a wankpuffin.
So you may as well stay where you're happy - and earning well, so you can save to get away from him.
Because get away from him you most certainly need to do.

If you change your job, your child will be in a household with 2 unhappy parents (cos he won't change), don't do that to your child.

I wish we could name & shame these people, terrible, terrible.

Good luck OP, you know he's wrong, hope you make the right decision.

Op
try looking at turn2us
they are a charity that will help you understand what benefits you would be entitled to so at least you can start to understand financing if / when you leave.

re: and he will want contact with her
you would be surprised…
id give no access based on inability to meet her needs and concerns for her safety and let him take you to court.
the reality is he doesn’t want an hour 5 days a week.
Even IF he can be bothered to take you to court and even if the court awards him more time he is so unlikely to take it up or use it.
you can see this with his son…

there will be excuses and soon he won’t show up because <insert crap reason>
you see it alllll the time on here

Do not change your job @Downandout21 how does he moan at you? By phone? Turn off your phone! And tell him to stfu!! Good god I have rage thinking of him! What an asshole!

He will just take her to his mums and let his mum look after her

Breakfast or after school club is much better than missing weekends and Christmas.
Yes, he sounds abusive. Talk to women's aid to make a plan, or have this moved to the relationship board for advice.

Stay at your current job. He’s made it clear he won’t take care of your child properly if your hours change. And, if you do leave him, erratic hours would make child care a huge issue.

Do what’s best for you and your child. Ignore him.

He is sabotaging you now with this job and he will do it again with the next job. And again and again, with everything that he doesn’t like you doing. It’s a very common abuse tactic and he won’t change.

You’re going to regret leaving your current job that you love but I doubt very much you’d regret getting rid of him…

Don’t leave your job. Leave him. He is unfair, unreasonable and looks like he wants less independence and security for you (so he can continue not to parent equally but puts you even more in a position of not being able to leave him). Build up your independence not the other way round. He will moan and undermine you in any job (which is a classic abusive technique)

And then the next job? There'll be something about that he won't like and it will start again. You are showing him that he can do whatever he wants and you will not stand up for yourself or your daughter. In the end, he'll wear you down, you'll give up work, have no money or independence and you'll be really trapped. Right where he wants you - and then he will ramp up the abuse, because that's what it is.

Do not leave a job you love for this worthless man. He does not love or care for you or he would not treat you this way. This is not the way you or your daughter should be living. You really do need to leave as things will only get worse from here. I know it sounds harsh, I stuck it out for years, it's really not worth it. He will destroy you.

Have a look through the relationships board here, it's full of threads from women like you who are now trapped, penniless in abusive relationships with awful men. If you can't do it for you, do it for your daughter.

Surely he’s going to moan whenever he has to do childcare if he can’t even manage 1 hour a day. Is he off work for that hour, what’s his actual issue? I don’t see how what type of job you have impacts him in any way unless he is not available for childcare?? Do not leave a job you love unless there is a very good reason and your partner not wanting to do childcare is not one of them. He’s trying to control you don’t allow it to happen. I’d seriously reconsider staying in a relationship with someone who was trying to manipulate and control me, this is not healthy for you or your child.

Would you want your daughter to be in a marriage like this?

By staying you're teaching her this is what love is.

I would leave him but understand your posts where you explain why you don’t want to.

in which case, from
one of your posts: put DD in breakfast club so you can do the 8-4 hours in the job you love. It’s not really that bad to go to breakfast club and probably better than taking that new job (which will have massive impact on your availability to her) or breaking up your marriage when you don’t want to. Breakfast club is really not worth the other massive changes you’re considering.