AIBU to want DH to stay with me in hospital after I’ve given birth?

[Netball01]

I’m having an ELCS in a few weeks time & we’ve been told I’ll need to stay in overnight. DH is adamant that he will go home as there
is no point both of us getting a rubbish night’s sleep. Apparently everyone he knows has left their wives over night and they’ve been fine.

AIBU to put my foot down and insist he stays with me? I’m worried that after a c section I’ll be really sore and struggle picking baby up etc and I know these days the midwives are very stretched so can’t rely on them to help all night.

Just to add as I know partners staying overnight is controversial on here - everyone has their own private room at my hospital. Which is another reason I want him to stay as they’ll be no one around to help if the nurses aren’t answering the buzzers.

Yeah if you had a baby in 1992 or whenever things have changed massively since then. Plus you aren't moving around bending down etc after having your having ab muscles sliced open within a couple of hours despite what some ridiculous posts say.

I had a c-section the only thing I asked for was the food to be delivered - lovely lady!

Then had twins, again never asked for help.

DH went home both times, and he didn’t have the toddler, my mother took her home so he could rest.

I think maybe we were less entitled and more independent than this generation.

Why do posters find it so important for the father to be well-rested to “help” the next day? Women everywhere are taking care of their families and probably also driving after a broken night’s sleep for years. Why would you have a child with someone with so little resilience? Others mention wanting to avoid their husbands’ bad moods the next day — is that because they are abusive (in which case why be on here defending them) or is it that they’ve married someone who isn’t mentally an adult?

Entitled?? You think your husband helping you is entitled. What low standards you have. What does your husband need rest away from his toddler for when all he's had to do is watch you have surgery. Don't minimise other women's experiences, it's easy to look with rose tinted glasses decades down the line.

I think other people’s husbands are just better than yours.

Your DH sent his own child to be cared for by your mother but a woman expecting a father to share the burden of caring for his own baby is entitled?

Wow your standards for a partner are in the gutter.

I think maybe we were less entitled and more independent than this generation.

@Greytulips the midwives at OPs hospital have encouraged their other halves to stay!!!! How does that make her entitled!!!!??? Mother of God, this thread......

How is offloading your children in anyway independent ot less entitled?

I am a long time lurker but decided to respond to this message. My own experience was that midwives were very busy and that (understandably) challenging babies were their priority. I stayed on a ward with a mother who kept falling asleep and her baby cried continuously on and off throughout the night.

If I hadn’t had someone with me, I would not have been able to send him to get my pain relief topped up regularly. It would also have been long waits to have the baby handed to me as I couldn’t move for the first day.

It is not unreasonable unless you were in a private hospital where you would definitely be catered to promptly. If the hospital is on notice due to issues, you will be glad someone was there. The reality is that if they are short staffed, there may be delays in receiving pain relief and in helping you with your baby. If you find things look OK, he could always be sent home.

Also agree too that the private ward is going to make it easier for you both to rest but also makes you more vulnerable to delay.

Imagine thinking you are more independent and less entitled for getting your mother to care for your child!

A man couldn’t possibly care for his own child, in the event that a mother is incapacitated the nearest female must step up. 🙄
What a catch.

I can’t imagine a world where someone thinks it’s brag worthy that they are so independent because they had to care for their newborn alone after major surgery while their DH had a wank at home and watched TV.

If its in the wirral she may experience what my cousin recently did, buzzer taken off her and clipped to the wall so she couldn’t use it, babies crib out of reach (she wasn’t able to lift the baby, but not the point), no water or any food on her table which again was out of reach anyway. No toilet roll or hand soap in the toilet in her en-suite or in the visitors toilet.

Refused any pain relief and told if she needed some she could buy her own paracetamol. A catheter that wasn’t fitted properly so she was laying her own urine. Ignored for hours on end despite shouting for help when staff passed by her door. In the end she had to call her partner who had to find middle of the night childcare, by this time their baby hadn’t been fed for nearly six hours, my cousin hadn’t had any food or water either.

If its the wirral womens hospital they don’t hear
your buzzer because they purposely remove them and ignore women who shout the help when staff walk past their door, all while you have no access to food or water, your babies cot had been purposely moved out of reach and your catheter is leaking urine all over your bed.

I’m genuinely baffled by people that didn’t need help after a csection, how did you move to get stuff? Was it the timing of the operation? I had mine at 9pm and my DH was sent home at 2am, he hadn’t been allowed on the ward at all so the nappies etc were all packed up somewhere in my bag so I couldn’t get them. We weren’t told that he wouldnt be allowed to at least help me get set up until we literally got to the ward door so I hadn’t unpacked what I needed. I still had a catheter in and couldn’t feel my legs, how did you manage to pick the baby up from the cot? I ended up holding DS all night but I couldn’t change him or feed him until DH came back the next morning? I needed 2 hands to express colostrum and catch it in the syringe which I couldn’t do whilst holding baby for example. Whenever I buzzed the midwives they would take about 45 mins to turn up and I hated my baby screaming keeping the other babies awake!

Well the religious beliefs of other mothers and hospital rules would have stopped him at our hospital. One night doesn’t define you as a father either, it’s a marathon not a sprint. First section he wasn’t allowed to stay but my dp has never missed getting up at night and when I had 3 under 2 and used to come home from work during his lunch hour to give me a break,having been up all night too. Second c section he was caring for twins. That is evidence of being a supportive father and partner ,not staying over the night a baby is born when everything his shiny and new.

I survived ,as have women for generations.

My husband went home when I had 2 of my sections and the midwives are on hand to help BUT he absolutely would have stayed if I wanted him to. He might be uncomfortable but considering you've carried his child for 9 months and been through a major op I'm sure he can manage one or two nights or discomfort. Come on xx

Hard work.You’re attempting to breast feed so partners aren’t exactly part of that saga and there aren’t many nappies to change to start with. You’re just cuddling your baby most of the time.

What is the hard work?

Ah yes I forgot how easy it was being in hospital after major surgery looking after a baby, just breastfeeding and cuddles 🙄 I don’t know why I’m apprehensive about it again in a few weeks.

Babies don’t need changes of clothes straight after birth, you can reach if the cot is next to your bed, yes not everybody breast feeds but most try colostrum….

If every mother had their partners staying overnight wards would be full of men overnight. They’re not so one must assume most women are managing.

Not a spa break but something women have done for a very long time and compared to the rest of the parenting journey by no means the hardest part. What happens to the women who don’t want to be surrounded by men overnight?

There aren’t many nappy changes? Most babies poo after every single feed in the early weeks. And the first nappy is the stick meconium which takes ages to clean.
You’re just cuddling a baby for most of the time? Get a grip.
What is it about older women who love to go out of their way to shit all over younger women. Do you resent that culturally things have changed and you perceive them to have an easier time than you so you must knock them down a peg or two?

I just can’t imagine being an older woman with older children and going out of my way to make comments like this to a pregnant woman about to have her first child. Like what is inside you that makes you such a c you next Tuesday to other women?

Why did your DH need to come home and help you with your own children at lunch time?
It’s not hard, you’re just playing with a couple of cute babies.