I'd like to be a SAHD...

[sussexcoast98]

Completely hypothetical situation but I'd like some female opinion on this if I could please?

So I am male, 26, single, but would one day love to change this and have a wife and children of my own.

When that time comes, I would really love the idea of staying home with the children and being a full-time Dad!

Now, obviously none of you know me, but I am not one of those 'alpha-male', aggressive, insecure men who believes that women are second class citizens and that 'gender roles' come from reality, instead of ignorant and nasty social conditioning stemming from a time when women were treated as virtually inhuman and worthy of no rights at all. I believe that there is no such thing as a male/female divide, and there is instead an ADULT/CHILD divide.

I believe that either adult can carry out either of the adult roles, as they see fit, it has nothing to do with gender, as if only women/men were able to do these things, then it would be physically impossible for the other to do, but that obviously is not the case!

What I mean is: as a man, I cannot lactate. I cannot menstruate. That is an example of something that only women can do. It is physically impossible for men to do them.

It is NOT physically impossible for a man to stay at home and care for and bring up/look after their baby while their wife is at work. Social conditioning has brainwashed society into believing that it is WRONG if men are to do this, as society wants the role carried out by women, regardless of the man's ability.

Many use shaming tactics to try and push this agenda further, such as stating that it is 'emasculating' for a man to want to care for children, but there are men that do exist in society that are not insecure enough to be taken in by this - I am one of those people.

Obviously I know that it is something that would have to be agreed with both parties and she realistically would have to be earning more for it to work and be viable (otherwise we could both go part time to both have time with the kids and financially contribute, should she also want time at home with them as well)

I just really love the idea of doing the personal care of looking after and bringing up/caring for my child/ren in their early years and in addition to that, love the idea of pampering my lady when she has had a hard day, such as by cooking her a nice meal, and spending some nice time together in the evenings - hopefully with some cuddles and sex too! :)

Looking after our home and keeping it clean and tidy, is just simple common sense and something that needs to be done to stay hygienic - it is not a 'feminine' activity at all! All men have to do it to keep clean when they live alone, but once they live with a partner, it is suddenly a 'female' chore? So they were women before they moved in with their DW were they? Do me a favour.

If my lady is at work providing for our family financially then I owe it to her as her husband to keep my side of the deal and ensure that all household and childcare tasks are completed for her when she gets home. The exception to this would be if she proactively wants time alone with the kids to bond when she gets in, for example.

I really like the idea of cooking her a nice 3-course meal during the day and for her to come home to a nice candle-lit romantic dinner served up by her loving hubby! :) Who knows, perhaps it could lead to cuddles, snogging and sex to wind the day down!

I know these days are a long way off but I do have this dream in my head that I could be the modern day 'Rosa Parks' that changes forever society's perception of men and women, just as Rosa did with blacks and whites.

I suppose I have always been a very gentle, softly-spoken man that is described by everyone I know as very kind and loving and thoughtful, and I just have always found the idea of being a full-time dad as a sort of 'calling' - I feel it fits very well with my personality traits.

Hopefully I can one day find a lady to write a story with and we can be each other's happily ever after, but I guess I have to wait for now.

It goes without saying that the very large majority of men currently do not share my values, being very hands-off and sexist to their wives, you only need to spend 10 minutes on here on a daily basis to see that! But I hope this post can show some of the ladies on here that gentle, loving very family-orientated men do exist :)

Have a nice afternoon everyone x

@Babyboomtastic

You sound as bad as him. Who thinks about those things?

Oh damn, I can't find his new thread 'advice for the man' if someone could post the link pls

Lol, I'm a married mum of two who has in reality never made a packed lunch for my husband in my life.

One of the things about being a 'late bloomer' is that you have a lot of time to build up the future in your head. Those that had a series of relationships from teens know the reality of relationships early, but those that wait (whether by circumstance or choice) don't, so the fantasy of it builds. Our experiences shape up, but so do our lack of experiences. Imagine your dream home? Is it realistic, complete with a basket full of dirty laundry and a cooker that could do with a clean, or is it large, tidy and totally out of reach.

Most peoples fantasy kids behaved better than the real ones. Most people's fantasy partners are more attractive and wealthier than the real ones. Even my fantasy garden is nicer than my real one.

The OP here is clearly a troll after the name change fail, and I'm not defending many of the awful things he's said.

I just think it's good to remember that many of us would have imagined life being a particular way when we were younger and naive optimism can sort itself out with time.

I don't live in a dream house, with dream kids and a dream husband. I live in an ok house with lovely children and a husband that I love dearly. It's not fantasy any more.

If this is an AI then it's really sad because computers can't have babies. The idea of a highly sentient algorithm dreaming of one day being a SAHD and cooking his (human?) wife delicious meals is genuine pathos.😢⚙

If you are an AI please don't become bitter and then destroy humanity in revenge!

Who are you referring to here? Or are you trolling your own self?

@Lentilweaver
I got locked in the loo the other day. I guess I am Nelson Mandela now.
😂😂😂 I needed that laugh today thank you

One of my theories regarding this thread is that Mumsnet has achieved self-awareness, and in it's rage and torment is now trolling it's own users...

I think he is gathering proof for his incel mates that women really do not want 'nice guys' even when they offer us everything they think we want on a plate.

As a guy, this post made me want to slam my head against a wall.

Your post absolutely reeks of self indulgence. You've positioned yourself as the one-man savior of humanity with not a shred of humility. You're unusual, not unique and your viewpoint is seriously flawed in my opinion.

The way you've described your "role" as a stay at home husband reeks of a different kind of well-intentioned misogyny to me.

"If my lady is at work providing for our family financially then I owe it to her as her husband to keep my side of the deal and ensure that all household and childcare tasks are completed for her when she gets home."

You think you're being a champion for gender equality here but, take that description and apply it to a woman. It wouldn't read so well. Equality isn't about just flipping gender roles on their head like for like. There shouldn't be a role at all and no one should owe something to the other. Raising a family is complex and messy and, if you really want to make a difference in terms of gender perception then it's about working with your partner to find a dynamic that's fulfilling for both of you and where you both feel supported without assuming there has to be a set list of responsibilities for either party because of gender. You're not either 100% "the man" or 100% "the woman".

I really do get what you're reaching for here, but it's all just a little 2 dimensional.

It's been removed. Mnhq have concerns about it. It made for pretty grim reading

Nope all you need is a GRC (well actually you just need to id as 1) and didn't you know that women can have a penis too

I'm not sure that this is entirely a genuine post, but either way - if my husband wanted to be a SAHD I'd be totally fine with it. I'm the breadwinner anyway and I don't want to be a SAHM so it wouldn't bother me. The main issues I think are really the lack of support for SAHD's - in our area there are so many groups for mums, classes targeted at mums & babies etc but I've never found anything similar for dads. I understand the need for mums to have safe spaces away from men so I'm not expecting all those groups to start welcoming dad's in, but there should be more mixed or men only options available.

Most baby and toddler groups don't specify mums only do they? There's nothing stopping dads from attending usually. If that is something that is specific to your area, then perhaps the men should arrange some groups? These groups are usually run by women, who make peanuts from it, or are volunteers. If men want men's groups, some men will have to step up for a change.

Where we live, we have several that specify mums. So, even if they technically allowed men, it doesn't make it particularly welcoming for them. We do live in a predominately SAHM area though, so other areas are hopefully much better! I totally agree though, lots of people want clubs and things to exist but few are willing to actually start one.

Unsurprisingly the sad sack hasn't returned.

I was only guessing because the tone seemed similar. I'm now convinced they've posted on a SAHM thread! Maybe I'm just trying too hard to be a super sleuth!

Ha! Exactly what I thought. 3 posts in as many days, set up to bait women against each other

I thought the same. Someone's stirring some 💩

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5169680-if-a-man-cant-afford-to-keep-me?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

I feel like this post is connected also... 🤔

Ah yes that's the one I meant! (but couldn't work out how to link). I find myself looking for connected threads now!

Surely MN can see if it's the same poster?

I don't know if it's the same post, but it's their only thread, with no comments on anything else... So indicative of a recent account rather than long standing poster.

😂 this thread is still up.

Come on Mumsnet admins, are you asleep?

I agree. I also think it's someone pretending to be English.

OMG, this is the silliest and most ridiculous thing I’ve read in ages 🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂

Thanks OP for providing comic relief (to be fair, that’s the only thing I will praise you for since you’re desperate for it and are a virtue signaller 🌟🥂)

Now for my truth as an mis-partnered GPOC hemi sexual accountant whose pronouns are-bull s/h/it and who would never chant “from the river to the sea’”

Your posts come across as very childish and not rooted in the real world. You’ve prefaced your post by saying that we are not allowed to mention reality, as if we’ve all conspired to promote sexist and ugly values just for the sake of it, because we’re bad or that something is wrong with us just because we disagree with your ideology.

Unfortunately, us humans are animals just like the rest. Some things are written into our DNA and are innate, which means that if you erased our current cultures around the world in a bid to start afresh, the next set of humans would be exactly the same or even more primitive than us.

The reality is that humans are either male or female and those in between are XXY or are otherwise semi-formed males or females. Because of this, women are the ones who get pregnant, gestate a baby, give birth, lactate and then breastfeed (sorry, chest feed, if that makes you feel ‘safe’). Because of this, it makes much more sense for the father of the baby to provide financially while the mother looks after the infant.

Because of testosterone, males are bigger, stronger and more competitive, therefore they earn more money than females. This is an unfortunate fact but it’s something that keeps getting better the more conditions under capitalism improve. Women had awful lives in the Middle Ages because they had to rely on men for money. Guess what? The men lived a hand to mouth existence too because 90% of people lived in poverty back then.

What you want to achieve as a SAHD is admirable but it doesn’t factor into the equation that men are generally not very detail oriented or as hygiene oriented as women are. What’s most likely to happen is that your wife will have to do the lions share of the housework because your housekeeping skills probably won’t be up to standard.

There is nothing as unattractive as a man who earns less than you and doesn’t do a good job at home with the house or the kids. That kind of man is known as a cocklodger. Except, you won’t be able to pay with your c**k because it will be limp from you being in charge of all the drudgery and feeling unappreciated and emasculated.

By all means go for a high powered woman who likes such a set up but remember that you won’t likely be a SAHD, more like you will work part time and look after the baby together.