I'd like to be a SAHD...

[sussexcoast98]

Completely hypothetical situation but I'd like some female opinion on this if I could please?

So I am male, 26, single, but would one day love to change this and have a wife and children of my own.

When that time comes, I would really love the idea of staying home with the children and being a full-time Dad!

Now, obviously none of you know me, but I am not one of those 'alpha-male', aggressive, insecure men who believes that women are second class citizens and that 'gender roles' come from reality, instead of ignorant and nasty social conditioning stemming from a time when women were treated as virtually inhuman and worthy of no rights at all. I believe that there is no such thing as a male/female divide, and there is instead an ADULT/CHILD divide.

I believe that either adult can carry out either of the adult roles, as they see fit, it has nothing to do with gender, as if only women/men were able to do these things, then it would be physically impossible for the other to do, but that obviously is not the case!

What I mean is: as a man, I cannot lactate. I cannot menstruate. That is an example of something that only women can do. It is physically impossible for men to do them.

It is NOT physically impossible for a man to stay at home and care for and bring up/look after their baby while their wife is at work. Social conditioning has brainwashed society into believing that it is WRONG if men are to do this, as society wants the role carried out by women, regardless of the man's ability.

Many use shaming tactics to try and push this agenda further, such as stating that it is 'emasculating' for a man to want to care for children, but there are men that do exist in society that are not insecure enough to be taken in by this - I am one of those people.

Obviously I know that it is something that would have to be agreed with both parties and she realistically would have to be earning more for it to work and be viable (otherwise we could both go part time to both have time with the kids and financially contribute, should she also want time at home with them as well)

I just really love the idea of doing the personal care of looking after and bringing up/caring for my child/ren in their early years and in addition to that, love the idea of pampering my lady when she has had a hard day, such as by cooking her a nice meal, and spending some nice time together in the evenings - hopefully with some cuddles and sex too! :)

Looking after our home and keeping it clean and tidy, is just simple common sense and something that needs to be done to stay hygienic - it is not a 'feminine' activity at all! All men have to do it to keep clean when they live alone, but once they live with a partner, it is suddenly a 'female' chore? So they were women before they moved in with their DW were they? Do me a favour.

If my lady is at work providing for our family financially then I owe it to her as her husband to keep my side of the deal and ensure that all household and childcare tasks are completed for her when she gets home. The exception to this would be if she proactively wants time alone with the kids to bond when she gets in, for example.

I really like the idea of cooking her a nice 3-course meal during the day and for her to come home to a nice candle-lit romantic dinner served up by her loving hubby! :) Who knows, perhaps it could lead to cuddles, snogging and sex to wind the day down!

I know these days are a long way off but I do have this dream in my head that I could be the modern day 'Rosa Parks' that changes forever society's perception of men and women, just as Rosa did with blacks and whites.

I suppose I have always been a very gentle, softly-spoken man that is described by everyone I know as very kind and loving and thoughtful, and I just have always found the idea of being a full-time dad as a sort of 'calling' - I feel it fits very well with my personality traits.

Hopefully I can one day find a lady to write a story with and we can be each other's happily ever after, but I guess I have to wait for now.

It goes without saying that the very large majority of men currently do not share my values, being very hands-off and sexist to their wives, you only need to spend 10 minutes on here on a daily basis to see that! But I hope this post can show some of the ladies on here that gentle, loving very family-orientated men do exist :)

Have a nice afternoon everyone x

It was the reply to what does a higher earning man need from a lower earning woman. How did you read it then?

Haven’t RTFT and maybe this has already been said, but you come across as somebody who lives almost entirely inside your own head / online.

What you describe is a caricature, and anyway loads of men are stay at hime dads. The world is full of sexism but you are not the pioneer you think you are.

Time to get offline and start talking to some women in real life. And if you want to please them, listen to what they tell you they want, instead of getting carried away with your own fantasies.

Are you asking me for English lessons? I'm sorry, but I'd have to charge for that. It was one of the part time jobs I had to pay my way through university. £20 an hour back then, so considering inflation I'd say £40 now.

We're like 10 replies and 3 posters on from that quote. You're telling off the wrong people. If you calmed down and paid attention you would have noticed. You're not talking to one homogenous blob of femininity.

How many times in your posts did you mention having sex with your partner in posts regarding your wish to be a SAHD? You had absolutely no need to mention how you’d hope they’d be ‘cuddles and sex’ at the end of the day, or how a ‘meal = energy needed for intimacy’ when talking about looking after children but you did. And yet you then suggest it’s sexist to think most men prioritise sex?

😂😂😂 have the replies bought you back down to planet earth. Did you think you were going to come on here and have women swooning over you and your 'modern' views? Husband you up, so you could become a SAHD 🥱 bye bye.

So people on here realistically think that when a man looks at a woman he should think about:

how physically attractive she is and good at sex

how well she can run a household

because that is what I was told 'men want from women that earn a lot less than them'

Men are more likely to overlook a lowish income and lack of a very successful career if a woman is particularly attractive....not always obviously but quite often.

It is much less likely for a successful high earning woman to overlook those things and choose a man based on his looks.

Whether you think this is unfair is irrelevant. I'm afraid it's the truth.

Please remember the women on this board are quite likely to be high earners and/or married to high earners. They will probably be mother's and will definitely have had a lot more relationship experience than you and are more likely to know what they're talking about

His "training" was probably becoming too stressful and impinging on his gaming time. Thought he'd whack a post up on Mumsnet in the hopes of being swooped up by some high earning woman, willing to lower her bar because he's "so good with kids". 😂

Why did you feel the need to mention sex twice in your OP?

No. I don't think "good at sex" is a requirement. "Will tolerate sex" is more realistic in my experience.

Why won't you answer that question?

If he does, it certainly doesn't work the other way round.

I can't think of any woman I have ever known (and that is a lot from many walks of life) who is looking for an attractive man to run the home. NONE

Out of interest, are you particularly attractive?

How can you know for sure that lots on here are 'high earners'? What makes generally 'high earners' flock to a parenting board more than others?

Because I brought to your attention the mentioning of sex several pages back, and you avoided responding. I'm fascinated as to why.

I find that a far more interesting conversation.

This is the thread that keeps on giving - manages to be both sexist and the cause of sexism.

Because sometimes couples have it. Therefore it is occasionally woven into the fabric of daily life.

Your turn?

Not for me to say is it?

And why do you think women are less likely to look for that trait than men, then? What do you feel is the difference?

"So people on here realistically think that when a man looks at a woman he should think about:
how physically attractive she is and good at sex
how well she can run a household
because that is what I was told 'men want from women that earn a lot less than them"

Let me explain it you again, OP.

The kind of high earning men that want a woman that will stay at home and be subservient to their needs, who will therefore be open to choosing a partner with a lot less earning potential and who have a job rather than a career, are only looking for looks, sex and home making abilities. But they are few and far between.

MOST high earning, driven men want the same from their partners because they want a woman who excites and stimulates them mentally as well as physically and so they look for someone similar to themselves. They want a woman who can contribute financially to their lives, and be a partner in EVERY WAY.

High earning driven women are NEVER looking for a good looking man who will give them sex whenever they ask and plump the cushions. Your sex works against you in your dream to find a high earning partner who will agree to subsidising your life at some point in the future, while you are still dating.

It's not something you would normally mention when a SAHP is discussing how they organise their routine

Well you seem quite content to toot your own horn in every other regard.

And you thought it was a poignant enough point to throw out in a post about becoming a SAHD? Have you come across any threads of women choosing to become SAHMs, and putting a high focus upon sex?

You then commented how "other men" (not like you, of course) only pop up on these boards when sex is mentioned or to comment on sex.

Oh, and you didn't explain further in regards to breastfeeding either; how you feel you have a say in it, and whether it's financially viable.

Again, topics you've avoided expanding upon. Why do you expect to be able to demand answers from me when you've spent this entire thread avoiding pertinent questions?