I'd like to be a SAHD...

[sussexcoast98]

Completely hypothetical situation but I'd like some female opinion on this if I could please?

So I am male, 26, single, but would one day love to change this and have a wife and children of my own.

When that time comes, I would really love the idea of staying home with the children and being a full-time Dad!

Now, obviously none of you know me, but I am not one of those 'alpha-male', aggressive, insecure men who believes that women are second class citizens and that 'gender roles' come from reality, instead of ignorant and nasty social conditioning stemming from a time when women were treated as virtually inhuman and worthy of no rights at all. I believe that there is no such thing as a male/female divide, and there is instead an ADULT/CHILD divide.

I believe that either adult can carry out either of the adult roles, as they see fit, it has nothing to do with gender, as if only women/men were able to do these things, then it would be physically impossible for the other to do, but that obviously is not the case!

What I mean is: as a man, I cannot lactate. I cannot menstruate. That is an example of something that only women can do. It is physically impossible for men to do them.

It is NOT physically impossible for a man to stay at home and care for and bring up/look after their baby while their wife is at work. Social conditioning has brainwashed society into believing that it is WRONG if men are to do this, as society wants the role carried out by women, regardless of the man's ability.

Many use shaming tactics to try and push this agenda further, such as stating that it is 'emasculating' for a man to want to care for children, but there are men that do exist in society that are not insecure enough to be taken in by this - I am one of those people.

Obviously I know that it is something that would have to be agreed with both parties and she realistically would have to be earning more for it to work and be viable (otherwise we could both go part time to both have time with the kids and financially contribute, should she also want time at home with them as well)

I just really love the idea of doing the personal care of looking after and bringing up/caring for my child/ren in their early years and in addition to that, love the idea of pampering my lady when she has had a hard day, such as by cooking her a nice meal, and spending some nice time together in the evenings - hopefully with some cuddles and sex too! :)

Looking after our home and keeping it clean and tidy, is just simple common sense and something that needs to be done to stay hygienic - it is not a 'feminine' activity at all! All men have to do it to keep clean when they live alone, but once they live with a partner, it is suddenly a 'female' chore? So they were women before they moved in with their DW were they? Do me a favour.

If my lady is at work providing for our family financially then I owe it to her as her husband to keep my side of the deal and ensure that all household and childcare tasks are completed for her when she gets home. The exception to this would be if she proactively wants time alone with the kids to bond when she gets in, for example.

I really like the idea of cooking her a nice 3-course meal during the day and for her to come home to a nice candle-lit romantic dinner served up by her loving hubby! :) Who knows, perhaps it could lead to cuddles, snogging and sex to wind the day down!

I know these days are a long way off but I do have this dream in my head that I could be the modern day 'Rosa Parks' that changes forever society's perception of men and women, just as Rosa did with blacks and whites.

I suppose I have always been a very gentle, softly-spoken man that is described by everyone I know as very kind and loving and thoughtful, and I just have always found the idea of being a full-time dad as a sort of 'calling' - I feel it fits very well with my personality traits.

Hopefully I can one day find a lady to write a story with and we can be each other's happily ever after, but I guess I have to wait for now.

It goes without saying that the very large majority of men currently do not share my values, being very hands-off and sexist to their wives, you only need to spend 10 minutes on here on a daily basis to see that! But I hope this post can show some of the ladies on here that gentle, loving very family-orientated men do exist :)

Have a nice afternoon everyone x

I don't know a single male who is competent and organised enough to manage a household, do the majority of the cooking and cleaning, laundry, the night feeds, and care for small children all day.

It's usually women who carry the mental load.

And it's not a case of just lovely playing, going to baby groups, and sunny days at the park. There's all of the drudgery and grunt work too.

To be fair I know one SAHD who was genuinely fabulous at it - organised, patient, did everything around the house, so it is possible.

Thank you for being one of the few comments that seem to recognise my innocence and sincerity.

I am going to have to write a clarification post for a few things aren't I?

I have always babysat and looked after young family members and every last one of them have said what a natural I was and how I had a calling for it - heads literally turned in the room when they saw the way I interacted with a child I barely knew, and how they responded to me. A few times they refused to go to family gatherings if I wasn't there!

I guess I will have to respond to comments individually to address misunderstandings and to prevent my post being blocked :(

One thing I've learnt since having children is, you simply don't know how you’ll feel about anything until they're here. I had all sorts of ideas of what I thought i’d be like or want, most went our the window!

The best you can do is try and find a like-minded person to settle down with and then just be open and flexible when the time comes.

I do think men majorly and massively underestimate how hard it is though, purely because it is generally done by women. Any man I know who has actually taken on the mental load of children and housework has found it a real shock to the system - it is very difficult.

We picked up on the innocence part.

Maybe look into childcare careers in the meantime?

This reads like a fantasy, of one kind of another. No idea why it needs to be shared on a female dominated discussion forum, I'm sure.

@sussexcoast98 my advice is not to worry about any of this in any way until you have a long term girlfriend and discover whether or not she wants to have children, wants to go back to work soon after having them (many women realise they don't, after having them) and so on. You are putting the cart before the horse, in a major way.

heads literally turned in the room when they saw the way I interacted with a child I barely knew, and how they responded to me

And then everyone clapped.

YOU don't. Perhaps none of your friends do either? But just because you, and your friends, can't believe that those men exist, it doesn't make that a fact.

The men you have been exposed to do not represent the entire male population of planet earth I'm afraid

I know what it entails, do you not believe that I haven't done my homework? research both in person with people I know and online?

You wouldn't apply for a job without reading the requirement form would you?

Rosa Parks 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I know LOADS of SAHDs, you sweet, innocent child.

This! With my DH we decided I could be a SAHM until DS1 was 3 y old. Well, DS2 came then and shortly afterwards DS1 was diagnosed as autistic. Now DS1 is 14 y old and I'm still a SAHP because our lives would not work otherwise. DH works and is often away and DS1 is irregular; sometimes he can go to SEN school other times not.

Just saying, I wanted to be present the first three years in my children's lives because they were so vulnerable and I couldn't stand being apart from them. DH was happy with this, he could focus on his career. Maybe you will find a career driven wife who would love to have a SAHD but having given birth she might be filled up with maternal hormones and change her mind wanting to stay with DC. She also might loose her job and you would have to be prepared for that.

Humans plan and God laughs. Saying you would love to be a SAHP is one thing, planning it is another.

How do you know you want to dedicate your life to something you’ve never done before? How do you know you’ll meet someone that will be financially well off enough to support you and a family? How do you know you’ll meet someone that will want the sole financial responsibility of a family? There are very few SAHPs these days because life is expensive.

And imagining you’ll take care of the babies all day, cook clean and make sweet love to your lady each night gives an insight into your lack of understanding of what’s involved in raising a family.

I’ll give you the advice I’d give to a woman wanting to be a SAHP… wait and see who you meet, how you feel at the time and what your circumstances are because or may or may not be possible.

Are you mansplaining feminism?

To add - I wouldn't advise anyone to be a SAHP - in a world where staying at home with children isn't valued at all, it's a very risky thing to do. You're far better off sharing responsibilities with a partner, rather than making yourself vulnerable by not doing paid work for a long period of time.

AI.

silenceinside - Was hoping to give a breath of fresh air to many women on here that have, shall we say, men in their lives with a negative attitude to this kind of thing. Just a little post I was hoping would bring a smile to a few faces and make them think 'oh, that's sweet!'

But I'll know better next time

I have always babysat and looked after young family members and every last one of them have said what a natural I was and how I had a calling for it - heads literally turned in the room when they saw the way I interacted with a child I barely knew, and how they responded to me. A few times they refused to go to family gatherings if I wasn't there!

😂😂😂

Of course men can be SAHP, there's nothing new there - you wouldn't be a trailblazer or anything.

This isn't some crazy statement OP. And all the talk of your wife paying you for making dinner with sex is just gross.

This!
Before having children I had worked with young children in a nursery and as an au pair when younger so I already knew I loved taking care of toddlers and babies in general.

This reminds me of the classics thread where the teenage lad offered to explain computers to everyone 🤣

I had to go back as I missed the Rosa Parks bit! I thought you were joking oh my god 😅🤣
This is extraordinary, please OP, explain in more detail how you feel you are comparable 😅

Goodness me - I guess I have worded that wrongly as well.

FFS, it wasn't mean to sound like an escort situation, couples have sex. Often in the evenings. Often after they have eaten, as food = energy, which is a good idea if you want to be intimate.

Looking after our home and keeping it clean and tidy, is just simple common sense

I can assure you that keeping a house clean and tidy whilst looking after babies and toddlers is not as easy as you think.

If you need some help to imagine...do this.

Clean your kitchen

Then spill a carton of milk on the floor.

Clear it up

Then empty a box of Lego onto the floor

Clear it up

Then stick your hand in a tub of margarine and spread it all over the surfaces

Clear it up

Now take a handful of cereal and throw the crumbs everywhere

Clear it up

Whilst you're doing all this, there is incessant screaming in your ear.

Now tell me how much you can be arsed to pamper your "lady" with a three course meal after this...

I’ve never seen that one! I’m off to look for it

I have spent a large amount of time looking after young family members, one of the factors that helped me have this realisation!

All of them told me I had a gift as well - So I loved doing it and was told by other parents I was fantastic at it.

Oh I've just looked for it and it's not even in classics! It should be! Here:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/parenting/2307274-I-am-everything-you-hate-about-people-on-the-internet-I-am-here-to-help